Crossroads

I found myself at a crossroad yesterday that I never imagined I would ever have to cross. Actually letting Aaron go.  I finally had to really admit to myself that there is not going to be a miracle, not one as I had pictured in my mind anyway. I had to ask God to take him home.  

It's one thing to say Aaron's in God's hands. It's another thing altogether to actually picture in my mind taking this small precious baby God gave me years ago and visualize myself  placing him in God's arms and walk away. I know he's a grown man and I am so very proud of the man of God he is.  But, he's my baby.  I carried him, I gave birth to him, I cared for him, I taught him, I protected him.  I did all the things a mother does.  I told him not long ago when he again reminded me that he is a grown man, "you'll always be my baby".  I appreciate the fact he's a grown man but he will always be that sweet tiny thing I held in my arms and cried over because he was a miracle baby.  The doctors didn't really give him much of a chance because he was in a dry birth canal for so long. They told us he had a damaged eye from the forceps that would never heal; five days later you couldn't even tell.  He's been a miracle since his conception when Ray and I were living in a tent in Bend OR.

Aaron's first Improv

God produces miracles in our lives every day.  Some we refuse to acknowledge and we call them by other names.  Some we don't see because we choose not to. Some we don't see because we don't believe. Some we don't see because we don't won't to believe God is still in the miracle-making business.  Some we don't see because we believe we can do it all by ourselves.


I'm trying very hard to not look at what's happening to Aaron as God taking away a miracle but rather that God is using this to create yet another miracle for someone else. I'm surviving this because I know God did not create Aaron for any other purpose than to glorify Him.  What God's purpose is in all of this I will never know.  As a mom I'm trying to accept this.  As a child of God I know that my heavenly father only has my best interest at heart.  Aaron continues to be a blessing to all those around him. Aaron has told me from since he was little, "Mom, if I had the choice of all the moms in the world, I would choose you". I told him the other day, "son, you and I belong together and God knew just what He was doing".

During these last three years in pain Aaron has spent many hours in prayer and making amends.  Less than a week ago he was telling me about making amends to someone who had taken offense about something in his recent blog.  I was amazed that he would take one of the very few lucid moments, racked with pain, unable to move without falling, unable to eat, to make sure that this person knew he was not talking about anyone in particular, it had just been a general comment.  


Aaron was his grandpa and grandma's first grandchild and first grandson.  He was his great-grandpa and great-grandma's first great-grandchild.  With the exception of my mom, they have all gone home to be with the Lord.  It might not be scriptural but I like to think that they're all waiting at heaven's gates for him.  Aaron has always said he'll be the jester in God's court.  What a time they will have.  I can just see him now, doing carpentry work and fishing with grandpa and great-grandpa and enjoying time by the river with great-grandma as they paint and do water colors and talk about things of heaven.  What a joyous time they will all have together singing in the King's Chorus and being a servant to the King. 

I already miss his "bear hugs", his laugh, his smile, the joy he brought to my every single day of his.  God knew a long time ago that I needed Aaron in my life.  I hope and pray that I learned what God intended for me to learn from my son.  God never puts anyone in your life for no reason.  God has a purpose in all that He does.  We may not acknowledge it or even believe it.  None-the-less, it's true.


I hope and pray that my life reflects the God that is within me. I'm like anyone else, I don't intentionally hurt anyone but I'm sure that I have.  If you've been someone that I've offended or hurt in some way please accept my apology and forgive me.  My son, through his life and his dying has set a standard and an example that I hope, in the time I have left on earth, I can follow.  He is leaving some pretty large footprints to follow.  He is setting a true course.  He's leaving a rainbow of courage, hope, love and JOY that will attest to his walk with the Lord through eternity.  


Please know that although I write this in the singular because it is my blog, it also reflects the thoughts and heart of his father.  We have thousands of memories of our son in our lives and have spend many hours during Aaron's  life reflecting on those memories.  His dad spent hours on his knees at Aaron's birth coveting with God that if God spared his life at birth he would raise him to be a man of God and that he would give him back to God. Two of Ray's goals in life were to be a godly husband and a godly father.  He has succeeded at both.

Aaron Matthew Jamison

Thank you our son for the time you shared with us.  May God continue to be with you, hold your hand and walk beside you as you take the amazing journey He has laid before you now.  No parents could love a son as much as we love you.  Son, go with God in peace!


 

Backward Leggie

So, how many people do you know that could say they had been to the veterinarian with a chicken?  Well, you can say it now! 

If you've been following along on my blog about the exploits in "chicken land" here in Troy, here's yet another to add to your "flock" of exploits

Since my last blog update one of our chickens has taken on a life of her own. Well, actually, she's had quite a bit of help, but that's for later in the story.   I figure this chicken is  a her because it's not a rooster.  Are there male chickens, who are not roosters?  Is it important?  Probably to a chicken farmer?  Are they chicken farmer's?  Anyhoo, one of our chickens has developed a "backward" leg.  She has one leg that goes forward and one that is turned backward.  Really!  I know it sounds weird and unbelievable, but just consider the land I live in!  Anything is possible here in "Troyland" and, happens here.  What? You need more proof?  We shouldn't be laughing about this.  This poor chicken doesn't know whether she's coming or going!  Of course, this could be said for most of us here in "Troyland", that's why the chicken fits in so well.

So I've told you about the skunk living under the chicken coop right?  Well number one, it's still there living peacefully among the chickens.  Or, I should say, under the chickens.  All is well and good for now since the chickens aren't laying eggs.  But I think that sneaky little black and white devil is just waiting for that first egg to pop outta one of those hens. I don't know what he'll do first, spray with delight, or drool his way into the chicken coop.  Now Corey's theory is, just leave him there.  He'll keep all of the foxes and other varmints out of the chicken yard.  Does sound good in theory now doesn't it?  Not! Number one, have you every been sprayed by a skunk?  Well believe it from one who has, it's NOT something you want to experience or be around someone who has experienced it! 

Here kitty, kitty!

Okay, okay, I'll tell you.  Stop hounding!  So when I was about 7-8 years old I had a friend who lived up the hill from us and across from my Grandpa and Grandma.  Most of the kids I grew up with in the neighborhood were boys so we did the usual boy things: collected polliwogs from dirty ponds, played with frogs, chased rats with baseball bats, got the hook end of coat hangers caught in our eyelids, you know, all the usual boy things.  So anyway, Bobbie and I were checking my grandparents mailbox so we could take the mail to grandma when this beautiful little black and white "kitten" came sauntering across the road.  It was the most beautiful little thing with this long fluffy tail.  I reached down and picked it up. Yes, I did.  It was so cute!  I rubbed it's back and talked to it and then Bobbie wanted to hold it. I stretched out my arms to hand the "kitty"t to Bobbie and he reached out his arms to take the "kitty" and that adorable little kitty sprayed the most awful smell you have ever smelled all over us.  Our eyes burned, we smelled absolutely awful.  I don't even remember what happened to the "kitty" but when I hit the backdoor at home I thought my mom's eyes were going to explode out of her head.  I think I could hear Barbara, Bobbie's mom's blood-curdling scream clear down at the bottom of the hill.  It's an amazing wonder that my mom didn't gas us both that day.  She must have scrubbed me with every cleaning agent on the market, and then some:  Hexol, ammonia, Clorox, Ajax, witch hazel, you name it and she scrubbed with it.  I believe they burned my clothes.  I could still smell that scent in my hair when I swam in high school!

Corey/Backward Leggie watching movie

So, to get back to the chicken.  The kids, Sierra and Jamison (Jamo) went out night before last to "put the chickens away".  Meaning, make sure they're in the coop and shut the door.  They both came back in yelling for Corey and said there was something out there.  Corey ran out and found the skunk has sprayed, the chickens were in the coop (probably trying to get away from that awful smell) and Miss Backward Leg Hen was all in a corner by herself.  Does Corey pick her up and put her in the coop? Are ya kiddin' me?  This is Corey! She goes into the house, comes out with a towel, picks up the chicken and carries the chicken into the house.  The chicken spent the next two hours wrapped in a towel, sitting in Corey's lap, watching a movie.


Yesterday I get a text message from Corey, "Aunt Jan, will you go with me to the vet Thursday morning at 9:45 am?  I need to take Backward Leggie in for a checkup". Okay, so now I'm headed to the vet with a chicken.  Now I was raised in the country with animals: cows, dogs, burros, chickens the whole lot.  Never had I ever been to the vet with a chicken.  I mean, is this normal.? Now before you answer, remember, I'm in "Troyland". So what's normal in your world is probably totally different here.

Today we head out for the vet's office.  (But first things first, we stop at Starbucks of course.)  Corey picks me up.  When I open the car door there she sits with Backward Leggie wrapped in a towel in her lap.  She's already tamed this darn chicken.  This chicken is laying there in her lap as if she belongs there.  That chicken didn't make one single sound the entire trip to Starbucks.  But, you should have seen the look on the young man's face when he opened that drive-through window to give us our coffee.  His exclamation, "holy crap, this lady has a chicken in her lap".  We laughed until we almost collapsed.  So, we take our coffee and low-fat cinnamon coffee cake and continue on to the vets.  

It was the most interesting feeling walking into the vets office.  Here's this huge reception area, dogs and cats everywhere and not a single one made a move toward the chicken.  Backward Leggie lay there in Corey's arms like it was the most natural thing in the world.  Needless to say, they immediately took us back to an exam room. No sense in one of the dogs suddenly realizing they had a chicken in their midst!

We're sitting in the exam room and the doctor walks in.  He walks up to the chicken and starts in with baby talk at the chicken.  Now if that chicken had talked back I'd have a completely different story to tell wouldn't I?  The doctor examined Backward Leggie's leg and foot and could tell there was a problem with a tendon.  Since the doctor doesn't have that many chicken patients he decided to begin a new data base by taking five x-rays of Backward Leggie's leg and foot.  This would allow him to do his research and talk with other vets without Corey having to return with Backward Leggie. Which, she would have done.  She is one determined chicken mama. 


I thought the conversation between the doctor and Corey was very unusual.  Now remember, we're in "Troyland", this doctor has know Corey and her kids for a long time and has treated more of their animals than you can imagine.  He just kept Josh's hamster for 10 days after the hamster got out of the cage and Biscuit just about had him for dinner!  The hamster wasn't hurt, just tramatized.  I told you, we're in "Troyland".  Better Biscuit who just wanted to play with him than the vacuum cleaner, right!  Okay, back to the conversation.

Doctor: "How long have you had Backward Leggie?"

Corey: "Since June."
Doctor: "When did you first notice the problem with the leg?"
Corey: "Oh, I'm not sure, a month or so ago."
Doctor: "You mean to tell me you've had this poor chicken with this leg and it took you over two months to notice?"
Corey: "But, but, there were 31 chickens that were just a couple days old when we got them.  They were everywhere!" (Actually, they were in the upstairs bathroom but she was smart enough not to tell him that!)

The doctor completed his exam, we wrapped Backward Leggie up in her towel and headed back to the reception area to calculate the damages.  We're not going there!  Suffice it to say, we could have probably ordered another 90 baby chicks!  Corey is holding the chicken, wrapped in it's blue towel. Oh, and interestingly enough, we made that entire trip and that chicken didn't poop once!  Isn't that kinda odd?  I mean don't chickens spend most of their time walking and pooping? Anyway, I'm about ready to loose it because it's just beginning to dawn on me that I'm actually at the vet at 10am in the morning with a chicken whose leg is backward.  We're standing there and they're calculating the bill and Corey is trying to hold the chicken, rifle through her purse for her wallet, look for her credit card (which she couldn't locate) so then she's counting cash, reverts to looking for her card and in the midst of everything she hands the chicken over to me.  It's like, are ya kiddin'n me? I signed on, but chicken sitting?  Anyway, she continues to rifle and I'm standing here in the waiting room holding this chicken.   The next thing I know Corey says, "Aunt Jan, do you realize you're rocking Backward Leggie?"  Now do ya really think I'd be doing it if I realized I was doing it?

So now, we're waiting a day or two to hear the prognosis for poor Backward Leggie.  She's safe and sound right now, well she was awhile ago.  Corey's phone is in "the shop" for about three hours.  Heck, by now they may have a dozen rabbits and two goats!


So, how was your day?

I Love Life!

The Jamison Fall Mantel 2011

Fall is in the air and as you know, I LOVE it!  The leaves are beginning to turn and the crispness is in the air.  I've added the scent of baking our own bread to it and so it's perfect.  The weather is cooling down rapidly.  As I've said before, if I'm closing up windows, there's a chill in the air. I don't know if the change in the weather has anything to do with it or not, but I'm finding this last couple of weeks it would be a really good thing most days to just curl up with a warm blanket on the couch and write.  It certainly takes me all morning, most mornings, to get up and get around. Maybe that's a good thing.

Saturday morning I went with Corey, Jon and Josie to Troy Saturday Market.  
 Troy Farmer's Market
Oh my! The scents of all the cultural food booths, the fresh baked breads, the jars of beautiful red and green peppers, the multitude in choices of fresh mushrooms, amazingly beautiful mums, gourds of every shape and color.  You'd love it! This Saturday we're "dragging" Ray along.  

As we were leaving the market Josie looked up at her mom and said, "Mom, don't you want me to go home with Aunt Jan?".  Boy did we ever have a play day. Eight hours of uninterrupted play time.  The only slight, almost mishap during the entire time was when Aunt Jan said it was time to read and rest and Josie turned that little face around to Uncle and let a couple of tears drop and he told her she didn't have to if she didn't want to.  It took me about two seconds to give in.  I just figured Corey and Jon could deal with it later. Josie, Ray, Jamison and I watched "Game Plan" starring "The Rock" for the fourth time and then later, for the fifth time; we did the princess puzzle for at least another 15 times, we ate Mike and Ike's, we did Hello Kitty sticker book, we played Hello Kitty slider puzzle on my phone, we played "hair dresser", we did "tattoos" with a dice, we talked about school that started on Thursday. Josie is in a class of 10 three year olds, and, all girls. Can you imagine how much trouble I could get into with 10 three year olds?  What a hoot that will be!

Yesterday, Corey, Josie, Sabra and Shivani and I visited a bakery in Troy that should be outlawed! Bella Napoli

Corey & Josie along the Hudson.

I am NOT kidding you!  This is 40-50 feet of glass cases containing some of the most amazing, delicious, beautiful pastries you have ever seen or experienced.  We took our delicacies to the bank along the Hudson River, (Josie really is in the picture to the left) the sun was warm and wonderful, we were in great company and couldn't wait to wrap our mouths around these amazing creations. As Corey opened her bag and began the foray to the bottom of the bag, Shivani and I waited very, very

Sabra & Shivani

patiently while Sabra attempted to untie a single knot in the string that was wrapped around the bakery box.My goodness, it's a wonder we're not still sitting there uniting that single knot of string! Sabra, I guess we're going to have to keep going to Bella Napoli for those special treats so you can practice your knot work. Maybe we should leave the treats OUT of the box so we can snack while you practice.

Corey tried a new item (she's been keeping this bakery a secret because she named dozens of items she'd already tried).  Let me see if I can describe this so you can "smell and taste" it.  Evil, aren't I?  

Just to make you drool!

This is a piece of chocolate cake, and not just any chocolate cake. (The picture in no way resembles the real deal.) This  2"x 5" x 1.5" piece of heaven has been encased delicately and entirely in a thick layer of smooth, creamy, chocolaty ganache. It is so rich it takes your breath away.  As it melts in your mouth and as your lips and teeth bruise the ganache and you are just catching your breath your tongue encounters an amazing pillow of cloud floating between the cake and ganache; three little clouds of a mixture of cream and marshmallow. Oh my, the delights to come.  Corey DID share and we all enjoyed  that wee moment of forbidden delight!

Chicken Update!  Two of the remaining chickens are NOT chickens.  They've developed this little ridge across the top of their heads.  Guess they won't be staying long!  The coop is safe and warm, they get plenty of fresh food (they'll eat anything!) They live in a "gated community". They've been chased by the best, a fox.  They're know by all their neighbors. They have a watch dog.  They now have a new friend that lives under the chicken coop....a skunk!  One of these days I'll have to tell you MY skunk story.

Well, nothing...and I do mean nothing, got accomplished in this household today with the exception of me sitting here writing and working on photographs.  Now I didn't say there wasn't anything here to do, I just said I didn't do it.  So you know what that means.  Tomorrow I do two days worth.  Not really!  The nice thing about being retired for me is, in part, well, in most part...I can do what I want, when I want.  Some days, as I've said before, it's just good to sit and write.  I plan to do much more this winter when the days aren't as nice as they are today.  Today thought, I need to write.


In closing for the day, please continue to remember our son, Aaron, in your thoughts and prayers.  He is in a different stage of the disease.  He is having a CT Scan today and in the next week or so it is going to be necessary to have fluid drawn from his liver. Right now, it's painful.  Please pray that God will give Ray and I the grace and courage to trust Him with our son.  You'd think after 38 years I would have learned that lesson.  

Graciousness

My Mom

In the past, when someone has asked me about my mom and what she's like the one word that has always come to mind is, "gracious".  My mother is the most gracious person I have ever met or know.  She just exudes this gift in everything she says and does; in her speech, in her mannerisms, in the way she treats people.  I doubt my mom ever even thinks about it.  It's just who she is.  I know we all often joke about not wanting to be like our mothers, but I have to tell you, if I were as gracious as my mom I would feel like "I'd have made it". 

Growing up we had tons of company in our home.  Some, that today, many people would never even consider having in their homes.  I can remember my dad bringing men home from the mission to stay with us. Neither my dad, nor my mom knew these men, but they believed that all they had belonged to the Lord and these men had just as much a right to share in what they had as we did.  My mother was as gracious to these men as she would have been if Lord Himself walked through her door.  To her, there was no difference and is no difference today. I love that about my mother and I love the lessons I have learned through my life by just watching her example.  Still today she remains true to what she believes.  She pushes it on no one else and requires no one to emulate her.  She just sets an example by the way she lives her life.

My Son Aaron

As I've been sitting here on this Saturday morning and thinking about my mom, it dawned on me that I have another great example of graciousness in my life.  My son.  I can't even begin to imagine what grace it would take to to know that you are dying and yet put all the strength and effort into helping to build a future for your parents and know that you most likely ever see or be a part of that life. As he struggles with his death the grace he shows us each and every day as we share the events of our day is unbelievable. When we're skyping or talking with him on the phone the joy that he shares with us in our lives can only be there by grace.  He told us for years that he didn't want to have children. Then he met Kristin and that all changed. And yet, God had other plans.  There simply is no way for me to "put myself in his place". But if it were me, how would I feel? Oh I can come up with all kinds of answers, but you know what, none of them would be true because I'm not in the same position.  If I think about it humanly I don't think I would want to hear about all the fun things my parents are doing or the kids they are enjoying.  I would be jealous and I would be asking God why.  Instead, when I talk with him about these things there is a sweetness in his voice and a rich graciousness as he tells me over and over again, because I ask him over and over again, "no mom, it brings sweet joy to my heart that you are where you are and that God has given you this special gift".  He graciously listens as I explain in full detail the escapades and adventures of the day.  I ask myself, could I do that?   

What type of person does it take to have this special graciousness?  Does it come about because of a special circumstance or event in your life?  Are you born with it? Do you learn it? Are you special? Are you different from everyone else? Aaron has always, always, had a very gentle heart and spirit.  He was born with it. When he unintentionally hurts someone it gives him great pain.  Aaron has never intentionally hurt anyone. Please note that I said "intentionally".  All of us have hurt others unintentionally.  All of us.  He has never struck out in anger. He is not perfect.  You know I am not saying that.   What he is, is human.  A very gracious human, who loves life, loves his wife, puppy, friends, family and his God whom he trusts above all else.  He has spent many, many hours in the last 3+ years trying to make amends to those who believe they have been offended, slighted or hurt by something he has said or done.  People still, on occasion, let him know that "one time way back when you....". And though his memory is no longer what it once was he struggles to remember so he can make amends.  He's tired now.  We can see it and hear it in his voice. But, he's still Aaron, still our son and still Choosing Joy.  

If you don't get anything else out of this blog please know that as I reflect over the past 38 years with Aaron, and especially these last 3+ this mother has learned many lessons from her son.  The gift of graciousness is one we should all desire.  I believe, in some part, I've inherited the best from my mother and, that in some part, I've passed that gift on to my son.