Graciousness

My Mom

In the past, when someone has asked me about my mom and what she's like the one word that has always come to mind is, "gracious".  My mother is the most gracious person I have ever met or know.  She just exudes this gift in everything she says and does; in her speech, in her mannerisms, in the way she treats people.  I doubt my mom ever even thinks about it.  It's just who she is.  I know we all often joke about not wanting to be like our mothers, but I have to tell you, if I were as gracious as my mom I would feel like "I'd have made it". 

Growing up we had tons of company in our home.  Some, that today, many people would never even consider having in their homes.  I can remember my dad bringing men home from the mission to stay with us. Neither my dad, nor my mom knew these men, but they believed that all they had belonged to the Lord and these men had just as much a right to share in what they had as we did.  My mother was as gracious to these men as she would have been if Lord Himself walked through her door.  To her, there was no difference and is no difference today. I love that about my mother and I love the lessons I have learned through my life by just watching her example.  Still today she remains true to what she believes.  She pushes it on no one else and requires no one to emulate her.  She just sets an example by the way she lives her life.

My Son Aaron

As I've been sitting here on this Saturday morning and thinking about my mom, it dawned on me that I have another great example of graciousness in my life.  My son.  I can't even begin to imagine what grace it would take to to know that you are dying and yet put all the strength and effort into helping to build a future for your parents and know that you most likely ever see or be a part of that life. As he struggles with his death the grace he shows us each and every day as we share the events of our day is unbelievable. When we're skyping or talking with him on the phone the joy that he shares with us in our lives can only be there by grace.  He told us for years that he didn't want to have children. Then he met Kristin and that all changed. And yet, God had other plans.  There simply is no way for me to "put myself in his place". But if it were me, how would I feel? Oh I can come up with all kinds of answers, but you know what, none of them would be true because I'm not in the same position.  If I think about it humanly I don't think I would want to hear about all the fun things my parents are doing or the kids they are enjoying.  I would be jealous and I would be asking God why.  Instead, when I talk with him about these things there is a sweetness in his voice and a rich graciousness as he tells me over and over again, because I ask him over and over again, "no mom, it brings sweet joy to my heart that you are where you are and that God has given you this special gift".  He graciously listens as I explain in full detail the escapades and adventures of the day.  I ask myself, could I do that?   

What type of person does it take to have this special graciousness?  Does it come about because of a special circumstance or event in your life?  Are you born with it? Do you learn it? Are you special? Are you different from everyone else? Aaron has always, always, had a very gentle heart and spirit.  He was born with it. When he unintentionally hurts someone it gives him great pain.  Aaron has never intentionally hurt anyone. Please note that I said "intentionally".  All of us have hurt others unintentionally.  All of us.  He has never struck out in anger. He is not perfect.  You know I am not saying that.   What he is, is human.  A very gracious human, who loves life, loves his wife, puppy, friends, family and his God whom he trusts above all else.  He has spent many, many hours in the last 3+ years trying to make amends to those who believe they have been offended, slighted or hurt by something he has said or done.  People still, on occasion, let him know that "one time way back when you....". And though his memory is no longer what it once was he struggles to remember so he can make amends.  He's tired now.  We can see it and hear it in his voice. But, he's still Aaron, still our son and still Choosing Joy.  

If you don't get anything else out of this blog please know that as I reflect over the past 38 years with Aaron, and especially these last 3+ this mother has learned many lessons from her son.  The gift of graciousness is one we should all desire.  I believe, in some part, I've inherited the best from my mother and, that in some part, I've passed that gift on to my son.