Is The Lamp Really Out of Oil? I Think Not!

Son, this is not your guardian angel already...is it?

Morning son! And let me tell you, I can barely say that today.  It's 11:49 am EST. The latest I've ever been.  Hope you haven't been sitting around waiting.  Actually, I know better than that. You NEVER sat around.  You were the most active child I ever knew.  You had to have something to do....all the time! Even until the day God took you home you wanted to be busy.  I do not know where you found the strength the last couple of years but you did and you accomplished so very much.  I bet you're giving those angels a run for their money.  Do they have money in heaven? Did you finally get to meet your guardian angel face to face? You're
a Jamison, so, had she aged?  I mean, you did keep her pretty darn busy while you were here!

Just so you know, your mom is having a little more difficulty with the Christmas season than I did with Thanksgiving; about you not being here and all. A couple of nights ago, during a Christmas movie, the tears started to flow.  Dad asked me what was going on and I said I missed you. Christmas was your very favorite time of year.  Dad tried to console me, telling me you weren't hurting any more, the Lord has you and all that.  I said, for crying out loud, this isn't about Aaron, it's about me!  We both just laughed. The amazing thing with you is that you're just like your dad and me. When things are tight, we don't worry about not being able to give each other anything. It's just awful that we can't give to others.  Dad and I have spent a lot of time over the last couple of weeks struggling to figure out what we can give. We came to realize we're not alone out there.  No matter what they say about the economy picking up.  The truth of the matter is that thousands of people are homeless, have lost their homes like we did, are having trouble putting even the simplest of food on the table, can't afford clothes let alone gifts.  Just because the economy is better doesn't mean that all of a sudden everyone is flush again, everyone has a job and life is great.  If you've lost everything it takes time, sometimes years to build your life again.  BUT, the one thing you do have plenty of when you're in these circumstances is TIME. Now I'm not saying we don't have anything but time on our hands. Don't get me wrong.  If anything, we're busier now since we've retired and moved here to Troy than we ever were when we both worked full time, had you in every production ever put on at Springfield High while you were in High School and dad pastoring a church part-time and then full time.  Well really though, everyone knows, there is NO SUCH THING AS A PART TIME PASTOR so in reality he worked full time and pastored full time. But, giving IS the very best part of Christmas.  So here's what we're going to do this year. For every Christmas card we send this year or for every every electronic card that we send a message will be included. Something like this:  

"Merry Christmas!  Our wish for you this Christmas is that you find JOY in all that you do or say.  May your Christmas be filled with the JOY that comes from giving.  If you don't know how, just look around you.  There are people and organizations all around you that need your time, your smile, a helping hand across the street, a warm cup of coffee, someone to wish them a Merry Christmas, or for that matter, Happy Hanukkah! So in the true spirit of Christmas and Hanukkah this year, Ray and I will be volunteering 2 hours of our time to ______________in your name during the year 2012.  Once we have volunteered that particular two hours will send you a note to let you know which organization benefited from your two hours of volunteered time.  Choosing Joy always!  Merry Christmas, Ray & Jan Jamison"

So son, what do you think? Any ideas?  We're beginning with the TROY - YWCA
There are several opportunities here. And the organization such a terrific job helping women to get out into the workforce again.  There's a bonus too for us, kids and babies! I mean, can you ever have too many kids and babies? I don't think so!

Aaron & my Christmas quilt 2010

Any-hoo, it's taken some real push for dad and I to even get started decorating for the holidays. The truth is, we just didn't think we had it in us.  The thought of getting all that out and then, holy cow, putting it all away again.  It almost set us into heart arrhythmia! We decided we'd put up the tree and nativity and call it good.  Stop laughing! We went down to get the two items and the next thing we knew, all Christmas was in the dining room.  I said, stop laughing!  I don't care, and dad doesn't either, if we get it all put up.  But, we really want to go through all of the memories.  So, even if we decide to just sit at the dining room table and look through all of it, it was worth bringing it all up stairs.  Besides, it's easier getting it all back down!

So, I'm dying to ask.  What's Christmas like in heaven?  I can only imagine but what a glorious time I see.  Imagine, actual choirs of angels!  I really can't begin to imagine what that is like.  It will be your first Christmas with all of your grandparents that have gone before you.  Those you knew and those you never got to meet.  Great-grandpa and grand-ma.  Give them a hug from me.  I miss them so very, very much but I'm so glad you can all rejoice together during this holiday season.  Are there Christmas lights?  Guess you wouldn't really care would you, you probably wouldn't even notice them with the brilliance of the Lord and His heavenly host.  It's just that I know how much you loved going out looking at all the Christmas lights during this time of year.

Christmas at the Jamison's 2010

I found something out about myself and the process of loosing you today.  I found that I'm okay that you're with the Lord.  I'm okay, really, really okay that you aren't hurting anymore. I'm okay that one day we'll meet again.  The one thing that I haven't settled in my heart is why did it have to happen at all?  Why you?  I don't even know why I'm going back there.  As grandma always says about her Parkinson's, "why not me?".  Sometime I wish life were like a movie and an angel would appear and make everything better.  That an angel would help me to understand.  Unfortunately, life is not a movie. I won't ever know "why" until I join you in heaven, but I don't know that I'll ever get to the place when I don't ask why.  Maybe time will heal that.  I don't know.  All I know is that I have this moment that I'm in and that's all I have so I'm not going to waste it.  You'd beat me over the head if you thought I was wasting one moment worrying about such silly stuff. And rightly so, we taught you better.  Some of life's lessons are much easier to teach than they are to live though. Again, you can stop laughing now!

Your favorite movie of all time!

Dad is doing so much better.  I cannot begin to tell you what it's like to have him emotionally and mentally back in my life again.  We spend hours just visiting and talking like we use to.  Now though, we don't have to feel guilty about it.  We're retired and if we want to stay up until 2am and talk, guess what, we're going to do it.  If we decide we want to stop mid-day and take a break we do it. Don't miss understand me, those times don't happen often, life is pretty full, but the important thing is, they do happen and we love it when they do.

Did you feel the excitement yesterday!  We if you didn't I'm truly amazed. We LOST Jamison for about two hours! You can imagine the frantic search!  He had gone down to the basement with dad just like he always does. He gets into cobwebs, looks for mice. He just has a great time. When dad came back upstairs about 20 minutes later he asked me if Jamison had come back upstairs.  He hadn't so dad went back to the stairs and called for him. Nothing. We took flashlights and went over every square inch.  We looked in, under, on top of, around calling for him the entire time.  Usually he comes. Maybe not the first time but always after the second time when dad says, "JAMISON".  Guess we should give him a middle name so he would know, like you did, that when I said Aaron Matthew Jamison, you'd best show up.  Anyway, dad thought maybe he had gotten out of the house somehow.  I didn't know how that would be possible since every door was closed and we hadn't been outside for anything, but just on the off-chance I started looking and calling outside.  We searched the house from top to bottom, even the closets.  No Jamison.  Sometimes he goes up the stairs to visit the kids on the second floor but the minute he hears our front door,  down he comes...because he things we're going somewhere with out him. Spoiled dog!  Dad drove up through the cemetery where we walk and down the hill to the school where we walk.  Nothing!  Needless to say, by that time we were both a wreck.  Me because I couldn't imagine loosing him. Dad because he was worried about me and how I would react if I lost Jamison right after loosing you.  While dad searched I stayed here in case he came home.  I made another trip to the basement.  I stood at the backstairs and called.  I rechecked the front stairs and every room in the house again.  No Jamison.  Just about that time, our neighbor from the third floor came down to head out.  He asked if we'd found Jamison.  By that time I was bawling my eyes out.  He asked if we'd checked the back stairs.  We told him we'd called and he always barks or comes when we call.  Joe said just in case he was going to take a look up the back stairs which leads to his third floor apartment.  And there he sat! Joe said he was shaking so bad he was afraid to try and pick him up so dad went up and carried him down.  He was shaking so badly he sat with me all afternoon until he finally settled down.  All we can figure is that the front staircase is not as steep and is carpeted so he makes that just fine up and down.  The back staircase is very steep and is painted wood.  Dad thinks he got all the way up there exploring and when he turned around to come back down he got scared. You'd think he'd bark when we called, he barks at everything else.  Anyway, that's my Jamison story for the week. Now when they go to the basement dad puts a gate at the bottom of the stairs, of course when he use to stay with Paula and Mary he jumped over that same gate.  So who knows, we'll just have to play it by ear!

So, until next Sunday son, I love you sooooo much.

love, mom 


Oh wow, I almost forgot!  I finally got my Etsy store open.  Once I finally get everything listed I'll have about 50 signs and then the real fun begins.  Making more signs.  It feels so super great to be on track again.  I have some great ideas for new signs.  I've also decided to continue with my re-fresh and re-purpose items.  Like the children's chairs I use to do.  Dad just rolls his eyes when I ask him to pull over on garbage night to pick something up I know I can use.  But he does it.  I can't wait to get started and get it on my site.  I had my first order come through yesterday.  Whoopee!


Here's the link, take a look.  Oh right, you probably don't need a link. But us mere mortals will.

Auntie Jan Creations