We're Not Always What We Appear

Good morning son!  I was just checking my email and found a Google reminder that your birthday is coming. Holy cow! Like could forget that after 38 hours in labor. I can hear you laughing. I can hear our conversation begin just like it did every year about this time. Now, how long was the labor mom? And off we'd go. Today is your Uncle Dennis' birthday. Let's see, I think he's 60 years old today. Wow. My age always sounds right but when I say my brother is 60 that sounds really weird.Seems as though we have a lot of family and friends birthdays in the month of February.

The blizzard we were expecting this week that was going to leave us in 24 inches of snow ended up to being pretty mild here at home and left us with about 6.5 inches of snow. However, that's just enough to about bury Jamison when he's out in it. And he does love the snow. He runs and jumps. It's so funny to see him jump up out of the snow, disappear and then be in mid-air again. And no matter how hard you try you can't keep him out of it. When he and dad come back from their walk I have to put him in the tub and melt the icicles from his belly, legs, feet and beard. He loves that.l

Josie and I finished our Valentine Tree for Jon & Corey last night. She was so proud as she carried it through the house and gave it to her mama. We had a great time over the last couple of weeks making hearts to hang on the tree. I liked it so much on the mantle that I'm making one for me. I'm going to make hearts in the colors of our living room, blue, raspberry and yellow.  For Easter, I'll leave the hearts and add "eggs" and "chocolate" rabbits.

 It's a beautiful sunny day today and the sun is shining off the snow.It's a beautiful scene out our living room window this morning. It's warmed up to 16 degrees and is expected to be a high of 32 today. From here it looks warm and sunny. I guess it's really true that "looks can be deceiving". Life is that way most of the time I think. People too. It's so easy to look at someone and make a judgement that based on what we see on the outside defines what they're feeling on the inside. It can be pretty simple to look at someone, see a smile on their face and hear them laugh and think that they're just great. That's not always the case. We have great skills as humans to mask what we're really feeling. I wonder why we do that? Why is it that we humans feel the need to mask our true feelings? We've all done it. For me, it's because I don't want anyone else to have to deal with the same pain. I don't want to add the burden to someone elses life. Life is complicated enough on it's own. I know, I know. I don't feel that way when someone wants to share with me. I want them to share. I want them to share so I can help if possible. So I can pray for them or with them. It's not because I'm a greater person than someone else. I just know there's always more to a person than what I see on the outside. We are complicated souls.  It's just who I am. I know I'm rambling. Just bare with me while I talk this out with you. Dad thinks it's because I have the gift of mercy. Ha! I do have the gift of service, but mercy, I don't think so.

 Anyway, back to my question at hand. I guess what I'm really saying is that we can never know what is really going on inside a person based on what we see on the outside. I know that's not a revelation for most. I've been taught that my entire life. I guess I didn't really ever think about it applying to me. You know that I've always said, "With me, what you see is what you get". What I've come to realize lately though is that's not necessarily true. Right now anyway. I manage to keep a smile on my face and laughter going but most of the time, it's only on the outside. I do it because I think it's the right thing to do. But is it?  What are the consequences for me, for those around me?. I don't have all the answers. I know, that's hard for your to believe. Just take my word for it. The older I get, the less I seem to know. 

This is new emotional experience for me. I'm so use to being the "Pollyanna" inside and out that to feel differently on the inside than I'm showing on the outside feels weird. If it is part of the grieving process, and I do believe it is, then I know, as grandma says, "this too shall pass". I know it has renewed in me a well-learned principal; to accept people for who they are knowing that that's not all they are. 

As I travel this journey God has chosen for me to experience I will continue to look for those gems shining along the way. Whether they be old or new I know God puts them on my path for a reason. I know I may never know the reason. Sometimes I'm okay with that sometimes not. But, I will ALWAYS pick them up, shine them up and carry them with me.  When I meet someone along the way that needs the same gem I can share mine.

Until next week, be Aaron, love mom