Does It Really Take An Elephant?

Springtime in heaven?

Good morning son! It's been a very interesting and busy week. How about you? I'll bet things are really a hummin' in heaven this time a year with Spring popping out all over and preparations for Easter and Passover. We're having an early Spring this year. Everything is blossoming out, I hope not too early. The daffodils are blooming already. We've been having 70-75 degree weather the last couple of weeks. And now, tomorrow night, it's suppose to be 17 degrees.I'm going to put a sheet over our daffodil bed tonight in hopes that they won't freeze. I've been in cropped pants and t-shirts for a couple of weeks now. Today I'm back to long pants, sweat shirt and socks! I don't like like it. I don't like it one bit!

(L-R) Dylan, Josie, Trey cuddling on the couch

Dad and I were really busy last week, busier than usual. We filled in for Diane at Jon and Corey's! One week, seven kids. "Nuff said?" (I know you're laughing. And I know it's happy laughter knowing we were surrounded by kids and knowing we loved it.) It was fun.  We are totally pooped but we had a great time. It takes both of us to get everything done. But just like we have always done our entire marriage, when we do it together we have this way of being able to see what needs to be done and each of us doing a piece to make it all come together. It doesn't matter if it's taking care of a household full of kids, working at a business or working in the kitchen. We have this way of just flowing together to get the job done. Years ago, when dad was working with Tony and Tony found out dad and I worked together in the office Tony told dad that was the quickest way to end in divorce court. Husbands and wives just couldn't work together. Dad and I had never given it a second thought. We'd always worked together...and we still do.

You remember last week when I was telling you I needed to do something in my studio to increase storage but I wasn't willing to give up my natural light in order to do it. Well, I had to eat my words this last week. I went through dozens of scenarios. Well, actually not dozens. In my 7x9 space, one of those walls is 4'. One entire wall, the longest wall, has a baseboard heater on it. The walls are plaster and lathe and it's a pain in the neck to hang things on them if they're hang at all,  you're options aren't great. But, I had to do something.


In an email to Rita, I told her this morning, I never every thought I'd say the words again, "this weekend I'll...". When I retired last year I didn't think I'd ever have to say those words. But, I hear myself saying them more and more often. Anyway, yesterday, Saturday, dad and I took the opportunity to go to Habitat for Humanity and take a look to see if they had any cheap options. Sometimes just looking around I can find something that will fit the need. I have been thinking, for quite some time about a nine drawer dresser. There really are plenty of them out there, but sometimes they're all dresser and really no drawer space to speak of. I mean the lumber is really thick and beautiful but very little content space. As I was roaming around I found a 6' long dresser. It had three large drawers on either end and a set of doors in the middle. As I took hold of the door handle to open it, I was hoping I would find three additional drawers behind the doors, I really needed more drawers, not just a big open space. And there they were. Three more beautiful drawers.  I took my measuring tape from my purse; 6' long. Perfect, it would fit right against the back wall of my studio.  I knew I could get everything I had in the 7' paper sorter into the drawers of the dresser and the shelving I already had. It was made by Thomasville so I knew it was going to take three men and an elephant to move and load it, but it was perfect. I had set a $35 budget. I know, I'm cheap. Not really. I had been shopping on Craigslist for a month and knew I could find things that would work for that price, but it would have probably been additional mileage to pick it up and dad and I would have had to load it. We could have done it but I would have rather not. Unloading is enough for both of us. So now there was just one thing left to do. I said a quick prayer and looked over at that tiny white 1" square sticker right in the middle of the top of the dresser. I mean really, who would put something sticky right in the middle of a nice piece of furniture. Never mind, I won't go there. Anyway, I eased my eyes slowly over to the sticker and took a look. $25? That couldn't be right. I mean, this was a really nice piece. It was missing one drawer handle but I didn't want to embarrass myself and ask for a discount for a missing drawer handle, or did I? No, just kidding. I did have to take a second look though. $25? Yup, there it was, right in front on me, $25. SOLD! Now we come to the part of three men and an elephant. I lifted on one end. Well, I reached down and thought I was lifting one end. Rather than me lifting the end of the dresser the dresser stayed right where it was and I dropped down. Uh, if Habitat couldn't provide the three men and I couldn't find an elephant, that dresser wasn't going anywhere!

Not really!

Luckily, the elephant wasn't necessary after all. Habitat provided two men and a cart and away they went to the loading dock. Dad backed the car up to the loading dock, we made room for the dresser and they slid it into the car on it's back. It hung out the back just enough so we couldn't get the hatch closed so dad pulled out his trusty length of rope we never go without, tied it down and we headed home. We had an uneventful trip home. Dad and I did have a good laugh on the way home as we pictured ourselves in a VW Beetle that I had wanted when be bought the Subaru. So many times we've had a good laugh when we think about trying to do all the things I want to do in a VW Beetle. I mean I REALLY WANTED that VW. We can always hear your grandma saying though, "It's not your needs that get you into trouble, it's your wants and desires". What a mess we would be in these days if we had not listened to that still small voice telling us that a VW Beetle was the wrong choice. Was it an easy choice? Heck no! I wanted that beetle. Was it the right choice to buy the Subaru? We've never been sorry about the decision a single day. Anyway, We get to the house and then it hits us, no two men and a cart and no elephant. Just us. This dresser is 6' long and has to weigh at least 175 - 200 pounds. I say 300 but dad is a better judge than me. Sure felt like 300 as we both got hold of an end and tried to lift it. Dad was smart though. He backed the car right up to the porch which was the same height. We slid the dresser right out of the back of the car, grabbed hold and just eased it up onto it's legs. You'd think we'd move it right into the house right. Not! We left it on the porch and headed to Pancho's for a Diet Pepsi and lunch! We needed a breather. 

An hour later we were back at the house. Dad sat down to watch NCAA Basketball and I set about to get ready to make room for the dresser. I took one look at the space and realized. I was going to have to move my L-shaped work table away from the window. I didn't like that option at all. As I stood and pondered I realized there just wasn't any other way. If I moved my work table forward I couldn't reach my shelves. If I left it where it was I wouldn't be able to get the drawers of the dresser open all the way.So, rather than just empty the 7' paper sorter, I had to rearrange the space. I slid the sorter out of the space and began. (Luckily I was smart enough to put all large or heavy pieces on sliders when we moved into this house!) Dad came in and helped me turn the work table around. We were actually able to do that without emptying the work table and without standing it on end. We just rotated it in the center of the room. It always amazes dad and I at what we can accomplish when we work together...and without an elephant! We headed to the porch to get the dresser. The most difficult was lifting it about 5" over the door sill but we did it. We just slid it down the hall, lifted it over the door sill into the dining room, put sliders under the legs and slid it right into the studio and put it underneath the bookshelves and the window sill. All without a hitch...or two men, a cart or an elephant. I sent dad on his way to watch his basketball game and I began the transition. By 8 o'clock last night I had a new space and everything was organized. All with only adding one nail to the wall. To rehang my calendar over my work table.

During the entire process I kept thinking about how great God has been throughout our entire lives. There have been some really, really rough times. (I should write a book.) But it has always been a great life. I've learned so much through life experiences. I know that for most people probably, finding this dresser means nothing. But to me, it's like God knowing my heart, the deepest part of my heart. Knowing my desires and helping me fulfill them. I have no expectation that God fulfills my desires or gives me everything I want. But for me, when I find exactly what I want for $25, it's like God, my heavenly Father, looking down and smiling and telling me, okay, you've done your research, you've waited patiently, you're wiling to work to get it, here's a surprise for you.  When I see or experience things like this happening and when they happen for me it's like, wow! With all the creatures in the world having wants and needs, God answered mine. How amazing is that!

You know me and painting. Around our house you guys use to say, "the only thing that doesn't get painted is what or who is moving". It's getting warmer all the time so my mind naturally goes to, let's get painting. I thought I had decided I wanted yellow in the kitchen. But, you know how it is with me. I always have in mind what I want, but I'm very versatile. It's really about finding the first right piece and then going with that. For the kitchen here it was the wallpaper border. I found exactly what I wanted. It has many of my favorite color AND chickens.. I was going to paint next but before I could get that done, I found the curtains I wanted. Once I put the curtains up I decided I didn't want yellow at all. It would have totally looked washed out. I was still undecided when we were at Habitat yesterday. I decided to browse their paint section. I walked to the end of the first aisle and there was a can of Valspar paint, a full gallon, in the exact color to match the trim on my kitchen curtains. One gallon of an excellent paint in the perfect color for $4. Now I mean really, coincidence?  You've got to be kidding me. Remember, it's the small things. I was also undecided about the paint color in our bedroom. I have the quilt Aunt Lena made, on our bed. I've tried others but I always come back to this quilt. It has reds, blues, greens, yellows, taupes and browns and some others in it. At first I had decided on taupe and red. But the more I got to thinking about it, I didn't want that much red. So, I hadn't made any decision except for the fact I didn't want blue. It just sounded to boring. Everyone has blue. Until yesterday. As I rounded the corner of the paint aisle I spotted this can of Sherwin Williams paint. It was an awesome color of blue. Again, a full gallon for $4. So for $35 yesterday I found the paint for the kitchen, not just any paint, but Valspar. I found the paint for our bedroom AND, I found the storage for my studio. I'd say God sees the little things. How about you?


Until next week, I love you. Be Aaron. Love mom

Careful - Who Knows Who's Watching!

I

Good morning son! It's predicted to be a beautiful  Spring day again today. The weather has been amazing since we've arrived in NY last year. It was one of the mildest winters anyone can remember. If the last couple of days are any type of indicator, Spring is going to be awesome. Yesterday I had  all the windows and doors open. We opened the back deck yesterday and Jamison spent most of the day on the deck in the sun getting reacquainted with all the birds, squirrels and chipmunks.

It's March and you know what that means around our house, March Madness!  As much as dad talks about it and loves basketball I can honestly say that in the 42 years we've been married this is the first time he's really spent the afternoon watching the games.  I love it! He's having a great time. He and uncle Bill have picked their brackets and call each other a couple of times in the afternoons to just say "wow, did you see that!".

Let me tell you, I was ON yesterday! I threw the windows and doors open and hit the studio. I painted a doll cradle, which will get it's coat of polyurethane later this morning. I made eight greeting cards, some for Easter. I was torn about doing Easter cards but decided to give it a whirl. They were really fun to make and I'll probably do a couple more this afternoon. I hand painted and decorated wooden "eggs" and "chocolate rabbits". I added them to the front of the cards so they can be removed for a keepsake if someone would like to keep them. I did a couple of blank note cards for Spring and a couple of birthday cards. I mean I was really moving. I'm going to try some using vinyl lettering today. I use to do that but haven't done it in a long time. 

I'll get started next week end on another doll crib. Dad is going to start doing all the prep work for me. He can get things ready during the day while I'm at work and then when I get home in the afternoon I can do what I do best, embellish it! Woo hoo! . My studio is in the perfect room of the house. Right off the dining room. My dining room doesn't look much like a dining room any more. The dining room table usually has a project in one stage or another perched on it. My work table is set right in front of a window. It isn't the most efficient use of space since it puts the L-shaped work top right in the middle of the room but I'm not willing to give up the natural light. Speaking of light, what's it like in heaven this time of year? Do you have seasons? Do you have flowers? Does it matter to you if you don't? Probably not! Just curious.(No, I don't want to hear about the curious cat!) I keep waiting for my missing you to subside. It isn't. Maybe it won't. Something was going on with Netflix night before last and before dad knew it he was saying, "I'm going to call Aaron." It just happens in an instant. You've always been such a huge part of our lives it's just weird to not have you here. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want you to come back here for anything. As much as I'd like to give you a hug...and you have no idea how much I miss your hugs, I wouldn't wish that pain back on you for anything. You're exactly where you're suppose to be.

Chickens laid, dad gathered..and ate

Anyway, Spring. As I was taking Jamison out yesterday I noticed green shoots coming up through the grass in front of our porch. It dawned on me, I didn't see those last Spring. For an instance I wondered why I hadn't noticed them before. We weren't here last March. Can you believe in June we will have been here a year. A year. It's almost impossible to believe. Where has the time gone. So much has happened. Our lives are the same, and yet totally different. We're the same and yet, totally different. I don't know if it's good or bad or that it even matters. It's a good life. Always has been. As dad and I were coming back last night from putting the chickens in and playing with Biscuit the sun was setting. I was waiting on

17 March 2012 Sunset Troy NY

dad and standing in Jon and Corey's backyard watching the sun set. It was absolutely beautiful. Between the rim of their backyard and the sun setting, lay the city below in a valley. The lights in the valley were twinkling and orange. It was so gorgeous and I just had to stop. I took a deep breath and said "thank you Lord. Thank you for this beautiful place, for wonderful friends near and far and family that surround us and for trusting us with the care of a home we love. Thank you for helping us arrive safely in this wonderful place and for keeping us while we are here".

This while adventure has been truly amazing. Thank you for your encouragement son. For loving us and for wanting the best for us, over and beyond what your wants and needs were. 

I feel so very blessed in this life. Dad and I have always talked about our life of adventure. You've heard me say many times over the years, "I can never say I've ever experienced boredom". That continues to be true to this day. At times, life has been very difficult. But boring? Not a chance. The thing about having a challenging life is that challenges give us so many opportunities to be resilient, respectful of others, and more tolerant. Challenges show us we're not alone. Everyone faces challenges in life. Challenges are relevant. They are relevant to where we are at the time. One day getting out of bed might be a challenge for one of us. The next person might find it a challenge to share what they have. It might be that our challenge for the day is acceptance of something we don't understand or the challenge of doing something we don't know how to do. It can be a challenge to accept the fact that someone you love is dying and there is nothing you can do to save them. As I said, challenges are relevant. As I see it,  challenge is that thing in your life you are not prepared for but face. They build character and strength....if you accept the challenge and work through it. You can "just wait it out or let someone else do it". Changes are tough. If you choose that path of ignoring the challenge it most likely will "pop up" in your life again and again, if you're lucky, until you face it, work through it and be strengthened by it. Of course it doesn't feel like a good thing at the time. It shouldn't. 

If the flowers in the Spring didn't accept the challenge of breaking through that ground, rock, weeds and force themselves to accept the challenges, where would our Spring flowers be? Sometimes accepting the challenges of life are not about us. Sometimes they're challenges we need to accept because someone is watching us to see how we're going to accept and handle them. We sometimes forget that people do watch us to see if we practice what we preach so to say. They look to see if we really do what we say and believe what we believe. It's one thing to spout how strongly we believe in something. It's something altogether different when we're faced with a circumstance where we actually have to demonstrate that belief. My mom and dad always told us that actions speak louder than words. I know they are right.



I know that I never believed in my wildest dreams (and I've been having some pretty extremely wild ones lately) that God would put the challenge in my life that he did over the last five years. As I look back over my life, over this last half a century, it frightens me to think what type of example I have been during some of life's challenges. At the time I'm sure I wasn't thinking about being an example. I was simply trying to get through the challenge. I hope and pray that as people watched me stumble through the challenge that they were able to see, and that I did, work through the challenge and came out on the other side stronger for it. I hope they were able to come out stronger by watching me work through it.


I can't say that I'm looking forward to the challenges ahead. I can say, I'm tired, physically, mentally and spiritually. Sometimes I don't think I will ever feel strong and clear again BUT, therein lies the challenge. I hope I'm up to it. Who knows who's watching!


Until next time, I love you. mom

Laughter - Just Do It!

Happy St. Patrick's Day Son!

So son, a sunny good morning to you. I'm sitting, stretched out on the couch looking out the living room window. The sun is bright and beautiful this week and is suppose to continue throughout the week.  We continue to get longer and longer glimpses of warmer and warmer periods of Spring breaking through.

Last week I tried an experiment. I decided I'd get busy in the studio and run some errands and THEN write my blog in the afternoon when dad and I normally have out quiet time for the week.  It didn't work. By the afternoon my mind is abuzz with millions of things I need to do for the week, I'm reading, making cards, working through schedules for the week; thus, I'm not able to concentrate and write. So I'll consider it a learning experience and move on.


Tuesday this week I'm having some friends come over for a craft night and just a good time. We're going to make some cards, have some snacks and laugh. I wish my friends from Springfield were here. All my friends in Springfield would love this group of friends.

Laughter, a common bond.

We could have such a great time together. I've been reconnecting with friends in Springfield and checking in more than I had been. It's so good to talk with all of them and find out what's going on in their lives. For so long now I've been wrapped up in what's happening in my life, and they have been too. You know, the truth of the matter is, even in all of the tough times, our family has been able to share laughter.  If we hadn't, I don't know where we would be today. I grew up with laughter. 

What do you mean you're not laughing?

As far back as I can remember our home growing up was always filled with laughter. Sometimes when I think about growing up and remember family events, because we had a lot of them, I can hear the laughter of my dad and mom.One of my best memories, that always makes me smile and giggle, is the sight of my dad coming up behind my mom while she was working at the kitchen sink, patting her on her butt and that chuckle coming from my dad!

I can remember coming home from school and walking into my grandma's kitchen. Before I even entered the house, I could hear their laughter. My mom and my grandma sitting at the kitchen table in my grandma's first house, corn everywhere as they cut it off the cob for canning, my shoes would stick to the linoleum from the corn juice, sticky floors, and stream from the pressure cooker filling the room and they'd be laughing. Even as I was walking up the walk I could hear the laughter. 

My mom and dad. Laughter abounded.

Your grandpa had a wonderful laugh. Sometimes, without even thinking about it, I can hear grandpa laughing. He loved to laugh. He loved people. He LOVED his kids and grandkids. I can still hear your grandma laughing. All your grandparents loved life and laughter. I wonder, how do people make it in today's world without laughter? Even now, I can look at pictures of you and hear you laughing. I know you're laughing in heaven. I can just see you and grandpa pulling pranks on the angels and rolling with laughter as you wait to see their reaction. Have a great time son. No more pain. I'm so happy for you.


Laughter is a wonderful commodity. It would be a shame not to hare it. Laughter gets us through so much. We, as a family, have always approached life with laughter. 


As I write this blog I just learned that a co-worker's grandmother has passed away. The co-worker is half way around the world from her grandmother.I'm feeling her loss. Even though we weren't half way around the world when you left it, as a mom it sure felt like it. I'm feeling for her right now. It devastated me when my dad and grandparents passed away and I was only a state away and I could get to my family. She is so far away and has to be heartbroken. I lift her, and her family, up to the Father.In the days and weeks to come she too will again find laughter in her life and it will help to heal the hurt. I know from experience, that at some point, when the time is right, even though she doesn't think so now, her laughter will return. The sun will shine and she will again have peace.

If you don't laugh...you need help!

Laughter is a great friendship "binder". I don't know how I would survive in life if I didn't have the gift of laughter. Laughter can defuse so many moments in life. I think the saying, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away" is a true statement, or at least the very least, the apple helps. I think an even truer statement would be, "A laugh a day keeps the doctor away".

As I look back over my life and even today. Laughter has been my best medicine. If I look back through times with friends, what did we do the most of? We laughed together. We still do. Through thick and through thin, rough times, happy times, sad times, celebrating times, we laughed together. When you choose to have joy in your life, laughter seems to be a natural follow-up.  My goodness son. When I think back through our lives, we did a lot of laughing. We always found something to laugh about. Even if it was a dumb "knock, knock" joke. I mean really, "How do you know an elephant has been in the refrigerator? By the footprints in the butter." I mean really. What's not to laugh about that? 

Take yours today!

Through all the years, all the changes, all the moves, all the cities, all the states, all the friends, all the family, all the heartache, we managed to find laughter. That has been a constant, solidifying, continuous stream in our everyday lives here on earth. What a legacy to leave; to know you have had true joy and happiness and to pass those gifts forward. You did that! Sure you did! Through all the pain, grief and loss, you left a path of joy and happiness. I hope that someone, someday when I'm gone can say the same about me.


Until then, all my love, mom

The Responsibility of Friendship

Good morning son. It's a picture perfect morning as I look out my living room window.  The sun is shining, it's quiet and not a lot of activity.  However, I've not been outside yet. I'm looking at just what I can see out of my window. I'm not experiencing the wind, cold, sounds, people moving about, cars rushing past, dogs barking and people talking. Life is pretty much like that to. We can sit in our comfortable, safe spot in the world, or, we can open the door, step out and experience life and people.

I've been thinking a lot about my friends I've had and have in my life. Some are still there, in my life, and some are not. I have some great friends. Many friends. As I've been reflecting back over my life and look at my friendship it's been wonderful to remember. Sometimes there's just this special "click". I meet someone and I say to myself, that's someone I'd like to have in my life as a forever friend. Sometimes it's a friendship that builds over the years. It's slow and steady and a special bond forms. Sometimes it's been "wow" what a great friend that person is and I didn't even realize it. There are those people in my life who although I rarely see them or talk with them that bond of friendship will always be there. For me anyway.These people have laughed with me, cried with me, celebrated with me, sat with me, grieved with me and have been an integral part of my life. What is it that makes these relationships so rich? I don't know. I don't have to know. I have so many great friends and I love them all for the richness they add to my life.And with each one that's a richness only they themselves can bring. 

I use to be so much better about keeping in touch. I'm lousy at it now. It's not that I don't love them just as much as I always have or miss them any less. What is it? It's me. I'm just getting plain lazy and careless about my friendships. I have a friend that said to me years, and years ago when we were talking about friendship. She said, "Jan, you have many friends just as I do. There came a point in my life when I had to take a hard look at my friendships.  I had so many and yet I came to realize that many of my friends were friends if I did all the work.I call those 'high maintenance friendships'." If I called and asked if they wanted to do something. If I called and asked them to dinner. If I called and invited them to go shopping. If I called and asked them to go to the show...if I called. It then dawned on me, if I did all the work to maintain the friendship then there were right there. If left it up to them, I neither saw nor heard from them. I decided no true friendship could work like that." She was right. 

Friendship is a two way street.  It takes someone working on each side of the street, working toward the middle for a true friendship to last. It dawned on me this morning. I've become that high maintenance friend we talked about that day! I don't know when it happened and I'm not going to spend a lot of time trying to establish a timeline. For me, that would be an additional waste of time. But now that I know it, what am I going to do about it? I see myself writing a lot of handwritten notes to each of them. A combination of thank you and I'm sorry notes. My friends deserve the special attention to detail. My first will be to the
friend who gave me that worthy piece of advice. 

I could use all the excuses in the world for not staying in contact; the job took us to a new city, work is expanding, someone is sick, Aaron died. (Sorry, did that take you by surprise? You do know you died and are in heaven, right? Okay, just checking.) But the truth is, there really is no excuse. My friends deserve better from me.

 I've been thinking a lot about John and Nina lately. When we moved down to Anaheim they were the first people we met. We almost lived at their house. We did everything with them. Those were some of the best times in our life. When they heard you had died they called. Nina was crying so hard we couldn't have a conversation and she had to hang up.  It's

To Sandy & Rita..

been years since we've seen them. I let life get in the way. I miss her and I need to tell her so. I will.


I've lost almost total contact with everyone I grew up with. I've lost almost total contact with everyone I went to church with as I was growing up. No, I don't expect to keep in contact with them all. But so many friends have passed through my life and every one of them enriched my life in some way. Sometimes Facebook, email and telephone conversations just don't cut it. For me anyhow. 


David and Shirley were a big part of our lives when we lived in Castroville when you were just two. David passed away many years ago and we didn't even know it. How sad is that. The kids are all grown now, Shirley had a brain tumor and surgery and I didn't even know it until several years ago. I did talk with her about five years ago. What a "sad" friend I have been to her.


All the friends I have in Springfield. How will I ever tell them all how much they mean to me if I don't say it or do it. Do WHAT you ask? How should I know. Why do you think I'm talking with you? You did such an amazing job of staying in contact with your friends.  Your family was more difficult for you I know. Probably because they all lived in the same area and you lived in different places. But that didn't mean you didn't love your family near and far, it was just more difficult for you to relate to them because you didn't see them as often as you did your friends. You had an amazing way of being honest with your friends always. You were a great friend son and some of the things I've learned about friendship I learned from watching you. Thank you.

In answer to my earlier question, I need to practice being a better friend by making a better effort. I need to make the call, I need to send more cards, I need to try and visit more, I need to make it a priority. 


Thanks for the talk today son. Just by talking it through has helped me understand and remember that I have a bigger part in these friendships. I need to make a better effort at being a friend. My life is no busier than anyone else and the things I must do are no more important than what they have to do. Lucky for me, I have friends that have hung in there with me no matter the friend I've been. So to all of my friends, old and new,

Son,I've enjoyed our morning chat. You've reminded me how important my friendships are and that I need to do my part to keeping those friendships healthy, whether the friendship be old or new. Between today's chat and my time with dad yesterday talking about our plans and dreams for the life we now have here, I have a new vision of what this new year will be.  Have a great Sunday,I  know you are.


As always, love mom

Remembering

God's Plan

July 1998

by: Jan Jamison

The room stands empty now

It's walls are void and bare

But the silence speaks so loudly

Of the son no longer there.

The floor and bed are littered

With the items left behind

The things you have decided

Could be sent another time

The dresser strewn with objects

Thought so important way back then

But you're off to another adventure

With the holiest maker of men.

This isn't the first departure

Your first one years ago

And it won't be the last one

As God teaches you to grow

The partings are never easy

Doesn't matter how old you get

It hurts the same each time we say

"We're mom and Dad don't forget"!

The Lord has promised many things

We've taught you that as well

You know the Lord

Know right from wrong

You're off! God's story you will tell.

We've wondered often through the years

Just what God has in mind

We walked through trials and troubles

We've bailed, we've whaled, we've whined.

We've cuddled and we've nurtured

We've encouraged and disciplined

And all the while we wondered

"What God would do with him".

God promised..."train a child"

He will return to this

We've tried to leave it up to God

As we borrowed, begged and fixed.

We've finally come to realize

Not in our time--but His

We see God's plan is working

No matter where you live.

It isn't easy to see you go

It really never will be

The leaving of the son

Once bounced upon your knee.

You'r journey might be a long one

A hard one--but always joyous

Because we know you're on the path

Of God's chosen, singing chorus.

The many year have been worth

The time, the joy, the tears

They've brought us 'round to this

The stilling of our fears.

You're off on God's great adventure

You'll make it sure this time

You're in God plan

You are God's man

And all that God defined.

 This coming Friday, February 24th would have been your 39th birthday. Just recently I came across this poem I had written while we were living in Oakdale CA. At one point you decided you wanted to go back to Oregon. I can still feel the knot in my stomach at the thought of you leaving.  It was always so comfortable to have you close and know that you were safe.  It was a very good thing that I didn't know what the future held.  What amazed me about this poem was my inclusion of the joy.  Who would have know that joy would play such an amazing part in your life story.

We had a very simple definition of joy in our home and you lived your life by it.  JOY = Jesus, Others, You. You practiced this throughout your entire life. You were a great example. Whether intended or not, this is the way you lived your life; sometimes to your own detriment. You had a loving and kind heart. Your intent was always for the betterment of others.  You never missed an opportunity to tell someone about your walk with the Lord and to encourage them. Dad and I were always so proud of you.  Even in death, your first thought was for others.  I know that some of the things you put yourself through during the years of struggling with cancer, all of your decisions were based on making lives of the people you were leaving, easier and without complication.

There may have been many things you didn't hear from your dad and I (although I can't imagine what those might be), but one of them was not, "we're proud of you".  In fact, at one point you had heard it so much you ask dad not to tell you any more. Neither of us could have ever done that because we were so very proud of you. Did you make mistakes.  Heck ya!  Did we make mistakes, undeniably! But you were not one of them. You were an unimaginable miracle in our lives. 

The years we spent with you can never be duplicated. For more reasons than are self-evident! I use to laughingly tell you, "you can be replaced you know". You look at me and say, "Mom, take a good look. Would you really want to try that now?".  I can honestly say, you were the pride and JOY of my life and there isn't one single thing I would have changed about you.  To change one thing could have changed everything. You were an amazing son. I thank God for allowing me to share in your life for an amazing 38 years. It be wrong of me to ask the Lord for more.  For whatever task God required you I am happy to have spent 38 HOURS WRACKED IN HARD LABOR to be able to spend 38 years with you.  Happy Birthday son!

As always, love, mom

PS to readers. Aaron and I had a standing joke about my hours of labor. He said every birthday my hours of labor increased with his age. Today, I get the last word and he's having a good laugh.)

It is What It is

Dear Son, Whitney Houston died yesterday. Too young. Talent gone. Family left. Friends left. Life over. A daughter left without a mother, a mother left without a daughter. At 48, a person, life and talent and all the possibilities of that life, gone in a single moment. I found myself crying when I heard the news.  Still am. As you might imagine, the news hit a little close to home.  I so feel for the people in her life that loved her and she loved. Enjoy her in heaven. Her voice will be an amazing addition to the heavenly choir.

Just a glimpse of Troy 9 decor!

Tuesday is Valentine's Day. Another first without you. I've been playing my Valentine music box you gave me years ago. It's nice to see it on the mantle this time of year. It has so many good memories. Thank you for giving it back to me. I am so glad I have it.  Your birthday will be here before I know it. Dad and I were talking yesterday over lunch and I was telling him I was a little emotional over your upcoming birthday that I was even over Thanksgiving, Christmas and my birthday. Dad knows you're at peace and doing great. So do I.  That's not what it's about.  For me, I'm a mom and I remember the joy of holding you for the first time and knowing I was experiencing a moment with you that I would never be able to duplicate.  Holding your child for the first time is just that.  The first and only time. You never get that awesome moment again.Happy Valentine's Day son. I will always love you!

This weekend has been a really "heavy" one.  I don't know why. It's another one of those time when I can't seem to stop the tears.  Maybe I'm just tired.  I'm not crying over you.  I don't feel particularly sad about anything. I'm not worried about anything.  Maybe it's just some residual (like that big word do you?) tiredness.  I'm looking forward to some warmer weather where I can get out and walk.  The cold on my legs just about does me in and it takes for ever to get them warm again. Even here in the house I'm sitting with a blanket folded four times over my legs. I'm not upset about it, just looking forward to walking again. I'm just rambling, sorry.

Dad and I are finally catching financially. The opportunity to work again has been incredible. It feels like a perfect fit. I hope they think so too. I love working on projects and now I'm doing recognition which I really love. It's so fun doing recognition for a private company because you really get to recognize important life events. It's great to be able to share in those events with people; engagements, new babies, birthdays, anniversaries, job well done.


You'll be happy to know I finally have the software for my Cricut loaded. The downside is, yesterday morning something went cockeyed with Avast on dad's computer. The wireless adapter for the Internet "dropped" off. I reinstalled that. Avast was registered until June of this year but I upgraded Avast for additional coverage.  After four hours still no Avast. I either needed to turn shut it down or throw it out the window. I opted for shutting it down. Less mess to clean up.


Yesterday afternoon we headed to AC Moore, a hobby shop in Latham.  They had easels on sale for $10/ea.  I need them for working on wreaths.  The 5 minute trip took us 1 1/2 hours. Just as we were getting ready to take an exit the GPS lost the satellite signal. I think we traveled half way to Canada to find an exit that would loop us back around the right way. I did get my easels. I'm glad dad's handy with these type of projects because an engineer designed it and it's in tons of little pieces! I picked up a few beautiful pieces of paper to make cards and some odds and ends of embellishments and we came home.  I could have spent have the day.  Marshal's was next door and then the Hobby Lobby. Needless to say, I need to go back. I have a 55% off one item next weekend. Can't let that go to waste.

Ours weren't as pretty, but tasted great.

Josie was here Friday and Saturday nights. We made Valentine cookies Friday night and watched movies.  Saturday night we ATE some Valentine cookies, watched Peter Pan with uncle, wrestled on the couch, talked about Valentine's Day and Saturday market, painted a fingernail.  Her thumbnail was missing polish so we painted it half purple and half red. She had Rice Krispy for dinner. She usually has an apple but passed on that. And, she always has gum. She and uncle have a favorite.


Today, I'm just trying to get my head together. Don't really know what's going on but I need it clear for tomorrow morning. Dad goes in for his tests and he really doesn't need to be feeling any of this tension.

Until next week then.  I love you son, mom

Life's Challenges - Great Stepping Stones

Morning son. It's Super Bowl Sunday! Dad's getting dinner in the crock pot so there's no interruption to the evening event. And Is it me, or is it just simply weird that it's Sunday again? And Super Bowl time again?  Time just seems to pass so quickly any more. Life is really picking up.  I'm getting very busy in my studio.  I was able to spend about six hours yesterday and it was so great.  Yesterday morning Josh and Josie came by for a couple of hours.You were so right, it's so great to have them close enough so they can come and stay without having to plan weeks in advance.  According to Josie, "you need to live next door so I can just come when I want to and nobody has to bring me".  It's great to be a "grandparent". You get to do all the things the parents won't let them do!  Josh had a bowl of Cheerios and and 1 1/2 chocolate donuts (the snack kind that are about 2" in diameter) and an apple. Josie had 1 1/2 apples, two chocolate donuts and 3 lifesavers broken into small pieces. She would have had a dozen more lifesavers and more donuts if "grandma" had let her.  

Dad took Jamo to Radio Shack yesterday to look at and talk about electronics.  That kid is a whiz!  He can make things from practically nothing.  Dad wanted to show him some tools and kits like you two use to use to make a radio, how to use a volt-o-meter and things like that. Then they went to lunch at Wendy's.

Dad was trying to get the Christmas decorations downstairs Friday to surprise me.  He got in to big of a hurry and fell over the boxes on the stairs.  I took him to the doctor.  There really isn't anything they can do.  He didn't break anything.  He bent his bad knee and leg up behind him.  It will take a week or so to "settle down".  He's walking but he had to call me to pick them up yesterday when he tried to take Jamison on his walk.

It amazes me sometime in how God, with the millions of people on earth and in heaven, is aware of our inner-most thoughts and feelings. Last week dad was doing something in the basement and came across a couple more of your jackets.  Remember the satin one with "Jesus is the Rock" you had in high school?  But the best of all is the jean jacket you wore in junior high and high school.  You bleach designed it by hand with "God Rulz" and all of your patches.  I don't think a day went by when you didn't wear that jacket. We had a great time that day walking through memories.  As much as I miss you, I think dad misses you even more.  I'm more verbal about it. (Knock it off! I can hear you, "Mom, you verbal? That's truly hard to believe!) Dad holds these things close to his heart most of the time.  I think probably because he thinks talking about this will make me sad.  It doesn't really. Like I've told you, I do have a day or moment here and there, but since I'm working part time again and trying to keep up in the studio and a few other projects I'm working on you're just a natural train of thought as I do things. I can hear you chuckle when I do certain things, see that questioning look as if to say, "are you kidding me?" or when I'm driving, "Are you trying to kill me? Cancer is already doing a pretty good job mom, you don't have to help it along!"

You can believe this. Others might have trouble believing it. Last week while on his walk with Jamison, they always do the same route, at the top of the hill, on the rock where we stood to release your ashes, dad saw something red laying on the rock.  He walked over and picked it up. When he came home with it and showed it to me I immediately thought, and you probably heard me, Aaron, are you trying to be funny? It was a Christmas decoration of Snoopy and his dog house decorated with Christmas lights.  Now you tell me, how would that specific decoration show up in that place. I don't know how, but I know that very simple thing is exactly what dad needed at that moment at that place.  It's amazing how God keeps track of the little things.

Scott, Eric & Me (don't freak, I'm letting my hair grow)

I had a super great birthday and a birthday surprise you would not believe! Oh of course, you already knew didn't you? If you were paying attention that is.  We celebrated at work with the most fabulous chocolate cake and a "sugar cookie or butter cookie" that was huge, topped with the most fantastic chocolate icing you have every tasted.  Celebrations at work are really celebrations and are so much fun.  Wednesday evening we met at Corey & Jon's for a family celebration.  Corey made an amazing chocolate on chocolate cake - four layers high. The slices were so large they fell over the side of the plate.  Now THAT'S a cake! The surprise was, Eric and Scott!  The three of them had been making plans since about Thanksgiving for them to come to Troy for my birthday.  As Eric and I talked, we figured outside of a couple of very short visits in GrovelandHoho

Valentine sign...on it's way to Etsy

I worked from about 1pm to 8:30pm last night in the studio.  I'm finally getting back in sync.  Dad is finally convinced the Cricut was a great idea. I made a couple of cards, did another step on the cradle, made a Valentine Day wreath the couple on the second floor ordered and made a Valentine Day sign.  This afternoon and evening, while Super Bowl XLVI is on.  Dad's really looking forward to the game.  He's going to be missing you this year, but you can do your part from where you are. Right?  Giant's all the way!

While we're talking here about amazing things. Really, that's something very difficult to NOT talk about because to me it's just been one amazing thing after another. The Lord has really blessed me with a super great team to work with. I know I've told you this before, but it is so super great to believe in what you're doing and working with a team who believe in what we are doing too.  Friday before I left HR asked if I would administer the Recognition Program for the Firm. How cool is that! We recognize EVERYTHING! and that is as it should be. Celebration should be an integral part of our every day. It doesn't have to be huge but finding something to celebrate everyday makes life special. I administered the City's recognition program for almost 11 years and it was one of my favorite things to do. Now though this program encompasses EVERYTHING...not just years of service.  Woo hoo! Seeing people smile and happy, how much better can it get than that! I'm very excited to get to work Monday and began!

Dad and I are beginning to work on plans to get the guest room up and ready. We're hoping for a very, very busy year for guests.  With dad falling on Friday it will slow things down a bit with getting things downstairs but what's another week!  It's not like I'm going to paint the room this month.  It will probably be March before I get paint to those wall.  We're also going to move our bedroom to the far back room.  I know, I know, moving furniture again.  But the people above us have their bedroom in the same room and have a television so it will be a little quieter.  But, the main reason is that there are two, mind you, two windows which means more natural light.  You know me with windows and light.  I can never have too many. What it also means thought is I need to start looking on Craig's List for a double bed and a dresser.  I can already see the room finished in my mind's eye so I know exactly what I'm looking for.  I think I'm going to use the yellow quilt that was Aunt Tiny's and decorate around that.  At first I thought I'd use yellow and light pink but the quilt has a lot of black and white check in it so I think I'll make a bed skirt and pillow shams in the black and white check and then go from there.  I'm sure you wanted to know all of that.  Just deal with it!

Had a long conversation with Rita this week.  It's so good to talk with her.  It can be quite challenging to find a time that works when you're calling coast to coast but we manage.  She is doing fine and is working a few more hours right now too. I've got to catch up with Sandy this week.  She always sends me these wonderful messages. I've become so irresponsible about keeping in contact.  When I get up in the morning is when I think about calling everyone because I don't have to be to work until 9:30am.  Then I think about them and think, they probably wouldn't appreciate a call when I get up at 7:30 am because it's 4:30 am in Oregon.  It seems like the day takes on a life of it's own after that and my good intentions disappear into the night. I will win however.  Was there ever any doubt?  Stop laughing!


I'm gearing up for Spring and Summer.  A friend at work gave me several links to some fantastic festivals, mile long yard sales and a salvage store.  How could it get any better?  Life is good son.  We're enjoying it more every day. We're enjoying doing more and looking forward to more. I'm so glad I followed my dream even when it seemed weird to everyone else.

Until next week....be Aaron!  love, mom