Time is NOT healing

Wish you were here for a cup.

Good morning son! How are you this fine morning? It's been quite a week here in Troy. It's been a week of endings and new beginnings. Earlier this week Josh lost a very close friend; his hamster Snowball. This great little friend had lived in Josh's room for the past five years. Josh had built him a "mansion" that ran almost the entire length of his room. He was the tiniest little white (as you might imagine with the name Snowball). Throughout his life he had lost mobility in two of his tiny legs and was blind. Josh loved his hamster and was heartbroken as he sat with Corey as Snowball transitioned from this life to the next. Who knows, maybe you have him there with you. If so, he can see again and has use of all four of his limbs. Dad and I got to know Snowball when we took care of the animals when the family was away. During Snowball's lifespan he would occasionally get out and be scurrying around downstairs. Unfortunately, downstairs is Biscuit country. On one of these scurrying adventures Corey found him in the library just as Biscuit had "scooped him up"! He was so tiny it wouldn't have made much of a meal, but a pretty good snack. In the words of Jamo to Josh, "Snowball was a frigging awesome hamster!".

The vet & Backward Leggie

On another very sad note, Backward Leggie has also passed. For a chicken, she was quite an addition to the family, earning her notoriety as the only chicken of the vast chicken family to actually be taken to the vet. There will never be another chicken that can take the place of Backward Leggie. RIP Backward Leggie. Hmm, maybe you have a hamster AND a chicken with you this morning?

My mind and thinking are somewhat cloudy this morning. I've not been feeling well this last three or four days; just "off", not able to eat, drinking 7-Up and trying to "keep my head down". I came home yesterday afternoon from Jamo's Bar Mitzvah party and slept three hours, went to bed at 9:30 and slept until 8:00 am this morning. Can't quite figure it out but not really trying to. Stomach is still not settled but dad just managed to get a little oatmeal down me. Nuff of that!

Niel Armstrong died yesterday. I can still remember how excited my grandpa, your great-grandpa, was the day they landed on the moon. Your great-grandpa got to experience the best of the world, or so he thought, and I have to agree. Born in 1899 he experienced being a "frontiersman", lived during man learning to fly and saw us land on the moon. How much greater could it get?

I bought plane tickets Friday for the CA trip in November/December. Had to shift a few dates around because of cost but it will still be a good visit from Nov. 28th to December 18th. I can barely believe that we've been back East for 15 months, which also means, I haven't seen grandma for that long. I don't think we've ever gone that long between visits. Rita is planning to come down while I'm there so we'll all have a great time.

Jamo's Bar Mitzvah

As we've experienced so much loss this week, Snowball, Backward Leggie,  a legend in Niel Armstrong, we also experienced a new beginning. Yesterday was Jamo's Bar Mitzvah; a beginning for him. He studied long and hard for two years, that's not including going to Hebrew school most of his life. It was a beautiful transition for Jamo, and for all of us. Jamo is such a cut up, that's one of the things that makes him so love able. He has a keen mind. He is going to do something great. I found the service to be very peaceful. As they read from the Torah scroll it reminded me of all the sacrifices that have been made through the ages to maintain the history of what we believe. The sacrifice of those who spent their lives scribing those words over and over again so the message would not be lost.The dedication it took. The bravery it took because most of the time they had to do it secretly. I have seen many pictures throughout my life of the scrolls, but to actually see them opened in from of me and read from, it was an amazing honor. I enjoyed the singing and the prayers. It had such a calming effect as I  sat there and listened to the Rabbi and Jamo read. The few words that I was able to understand had such a special reverence to them. With the exception of the single microphone at the podium, the temple is devoid of electronic devices. I found that very comforting. To watch Jamo and the Rabbi have a relaxed conversation together as she guided him through the various steps, knowing that although the Bar Mitzvah is intended as a new beginning and a culmination of the learning process for the Bar Mitzvah, the learning process will continue, as it should. I found comfort in hearing those around me singing and saying prayers together. There was a trueness in their  expression of their faith; a reverence. It made me realize that I miss the quiet, reverent times with God. So much of our lives today are built around noise. We think if we don't have the radio on, the television or or someone around us for conversation that there's something wrong. As I sit here this morning looking out the living room window I can hear the wind blowing in the trees, the birds chirping, it's so peaceful. The last 15 months have been months of not only changes, but as your cousin Eric Dale reminded me yesterday, "it's been 15 months of 'firsts'". I guess I had never really looked at it that way. It's one thing to have change in your life that you've experienced before, life moving.  But to have not only change but have those changes be something totally different that we've ever experienced before, now that is something quite different. Dad and I made the last real "radical" change a couple of weeks ago before we drove to Maine for our visit with your Uncle Bill and Aunt Nancy. We now have New York licenses and our car has New York plates. It felt like the final culmination to a very long transition. I know people who read my blog think they've heard all this before, and they have. But the truth is, this transition of living without you is a very long process and I'm just coming to realize that's it's a transition that I will never come to the end of. It will have different components and effects over the years but it will always be there because you are part of me. 

I want calm and peace in my life. I've thought so often of dad, me and Jamison being in a one room cabin somewhere in the woods, just reading and writing and enjoying nature and each other. I think when you have a large house you feel the need to fill it up. I think you come to a time in your life when you have to ask yourself, is this what I really want my life to be all about? In 38 days you will have been gone from this earth for one year. It isn't getting any easier.

Until next week, be Aaron, love mom