Time is NOT healing

Wish you were here for a cup.

Good morning son! How are you this fine morning? It's been quite a week here in Troy. It's been a week of endings and new beginnings. Earlier this week Josh lost a very close friend; his hamster Snowball. This great little friend had lived in Josh's room for the past five years. Josh had built him a "mansion" that ran almost the entire length of his room. He was the tiniest little white (as you might imagine with the name Snowball). Throughout his life he had lost mobility in two of his tiny legs and was blind. Josh loved his hamster and was heartbroken as he sat with Corey as Snowball transitioned from this life to the next. Who knows, maybe you have him there with you. If so, he can see again and has use of all four of his limbs. Dad and I got to know Snowball when we took care of the animals when the family was away. During Snowball's lifespan he would occasionally get out and be scurrying around downstairs. Unfortunately, downstairs is Biscuit country. On one of these scurrying adventures Corey found him in the library just as Biscuit had "scooped him up"! He was so tiny it wouldn't have made much of a meal, but a pretty good snack. In the words of Jamo to Josh, "Snowball was a frigging awesome hamster!".

The vet & Backward Leggie

On another very sad note, Backward Leggie has also passed. For a chicken, she was quite an addition to the family, earning her notoriety as the only chicken of the vast chicken family to actually be taken to the vet. There will never be another chicken that can take the place of Backward Leggie. RIP Backward Leggie. Hmm, maybe you have a hamster AND a chicken with you this morning?

My mind and thinking are somewhat cloudy this morning. I've not been feeling well this last three or four days; just "off", not able to eat, drinking 7-Up and trying to "keep my head down". I came home yesterday afternoon from Jamo's Bar Mitzvah party and slept three hours, went to bed at 9:30 and slept until 8:00 am this morning. Can't quite figure it out but not really trying to. Stomach is still not settled but dad just managed to get a little oatmeal down me. Nuff of that!

Niel Armstrong died yesterday. I can still remember how excited my grandpa, your great-grandpa, was the day they landed on the moon. Your great-grandpa got to experience the best of the world, or so he thought, and I have to agree. Born in 1899 he experienced being a "frontiersman", lived during man learning to fly and saw us land on the moon. How much greater could it get?

I bought plane tickets Friday for the CA trip in November/December. Had to shift a few dates around because of cost but it will still be a good visit from Nov. 28th to December 18th. I can barely believe that we've been back East for 15 months, which also means, I haven't seen grandma for that long. I don't think we've ever gone that long between visits. Rita is planning to come down while I'm there so we'll all have a great time.

Jamo's Bar Mitzvah

As we've experienced so much loss this week, Snowball, Backward Leggie,  a legend in Niel Armstrong, we also experienced a new beginning. Yesterday was Jamo's Bar Mitzvah; a beginning for him. He studied long and hard for two years, that's not including going to Hebrew school most of his life. It was a beautiful transition for Jamo, and for all of us. Jamo is such a cut up, that's one of the things that makes him so love able. He has a keen mind. He is going to do something great. I found the service to be very peaceful. As they read from the Torah scroll it reminded me of all the sacrifices that have been made through the ages to maintain the history of what we believe. The sacrifice of those who spent their lives scribing those words over and over again so the message would not be lost.The dedication it took. The bravery it took because most of the time they had to do it secretly. I have seen many pictures throughout my life of the scrolls, but to actually see them opened in from of me and read from, it was an amazing honor. I enjoyed the singing and the prayers. It had such a calming effect as I  sat there and listened to the Rabbi and Jamo read. The few words that I was able to understand had such a special reverence to them. With the exception of the single microphone at the podium, the temple is devoid of electronic devices. I found that very comforting. To watch Jamo and the Rabbi have a relaxed conversation together as she guided him through the various steps, knowing that although the Bar Mitzvah is intended as a new beginning and a culmination of the learning process for the Bar Mitzvah, the learning process will continue, as it should. I found comfort in hearing those around me singing and saying prayers together. There was a trueness in their  expression of their faith; a reverence. It made me realize that I miss the quiet, reverent times with God. So much of our lives today are built around noise. We think if we don't have the radio on, the television or or someone around us for conversation that there's something wrong. As I sit here this morning looking out the living room window I can hear the wind blowing in the trees, the birds chirping, it's so peaceful. The last 15 months have been months of not only changes, but as your cousin Eric Dale reminded me yesterday, "it's been 15 months of 'firsts'". I guess I had never really looked at it that way. It's one thing to have change in your life that you've experienced before, life moving.  But to have not only change but have those changes be something totally different that we've ever experienced before, now that is something quite different. Dad and I made the last real "radical" change a couple of weeks ago before we drove to Maine for our visit with your Uncle Bill and Aunt Nancy. We now have New York licenses and our car has New York plates. It felt like the final culmination to a very long transition. I know people who read my blog think they've heard all this before, and they have. But the truth is, this transition of living without you is a very long process and I'm just coming to realize that's it's a transition that I will never come to the end of. It will have different components and effects over the years but it will always be there because you are part of me. 

I want calm and peace in my life. I've thought so often of dad, me and Jamison being in a one room cabin somewhere in the woods, just reading and writing and enjoying nature and each other. I think when you have a large house you feel the need to fill it up. I think you come to a time in your life when you have to ask yourself, is this what I really want my life to be all about? In 38 days you will have been gone from this earth for one year. It isn't getting any easier.

Until next week, be Aaron, love mom




















 

We're here in moose country

Good morning son! How are you? It's a beautiful Sunday morning here in Maine. We've been visiting with Uncle Bill and Aunt Nancy since last Wednesday evening. It's been absolutely awesome. The weather has cooperated beautifully. The lake is absolutely gorgeous. Even the rain has provided the opportunity to put up our feet on the sun porch and read and nap. Well, actually, finding a place or excuse to nap since we have been here has been no problem at all. 

You've finally gotten your wish. At lease one of them anyway. Your mother is using a Mac this morning! Both Uncle Bill and Aunt Nancy use Mac's. I didn't bring my laptop with me so I borrowed Uncle Bill's computer this morning for our conversation. The biggest problem was trying to remember my password. I had just changed it before we left to come up here. I finally ended up just changing it again. It was easier than wasting half the morning trying to remember what I had changed it to.

This has been such a relaxing time for both dad and me.We've all had a wonderful time together. The house is much cooler than outside so we've usually had a fire going. It's been really quite nice. It takes the chill out of the air and just gives comfort to the atmosphere.

We all went to Stone Mountain the other night and enjoyed a scrumptious dinner and very lively music by:

Shemekia Copeland Supporting a new album, this blues powerhouse will be back to shimmy, shimmy SMAC this summer! Shemekia Copeland was only 19 when she released her first album, "Turn the Heat Up," in 1998, but her killer voice and sassy attitude had people calling her the new Queen of the Blues from the beginning. Now she 's a major force to be reckoned with! A quick sell out for this gal and her awesome band!!

 

Her band is totally awesome. When that band cut off it was as though a knife was slicing through butter. Dad and I had never seen anything like it and we've seen a lot of bands in our day. 

 

The lake is beautiful and warm here. Nancy distance swims every day. I did intent to bring my suit but forgot it. No, I really did forget it! It was really crazy the last couple of days getting ready and I intended to get it and just totally forgot. I was packing the morning right before we left and just didn't think of it. I know, I'm usually packed a day ahead but it just didn't work out that way this time. 

 

We had a wonderful trip up here. There was so much to see and it was such a relaxing trip. Jamison stayed at home and Tanya and Bogie came over to stay with him while we're here. We sure do miss him. Dad really misses their daily walks but we know he's having a good time with Tanya and Bogie.

 

Let's see, what else have we done while here. Yesterday we went to a Artisan Fair in Center Lovell and saw some beautiful craftsmanship of all types: pottery, quilts, fused glass, wood, screen printing, rock crafts...you name it and they had it. We went early and it was a good thing because by the time we left at a little before 11:00 am people were parking as far up the road as we could see. We came back to the house and dad and I read and napped; Bill and Nancy ran some errands and went back to the fair to help some friends break down their jewelry display and get it home. Your Uncle Bill dropped by the fire station and picked up some bar-b-que chicken and about 5:15 pm some of their local friends dropped by and we had chicken dinner and visited. It was a great day and evening. After everyone left, about 8:00 pm, we cleaned things up and Dad and I hit the beds and read (we've been doing a lot of reading while we've been here) and Bill and Nancy settled in to watch another episode of The Abby. Dad and I decided we'd like to watch the series so we didn't want to get started in the middle.

We continue to look for moose but haven't seen anything yet. It's a very slim chance but would be great to see one up close and personal. Well, maybe not THAT close!

I bet everyone is wondering where we've been this week. I haven't checked email or Face book since we've been here. I thought about having our conversation later in the week but I just didn't want to put it off. I've met quite a few bloggers since we've been here and it will be great to check out their blogs when I get home and keep up with what's happening in their lives and get a different perspective on blogging.

There was a very interesting discussing at the table last night around churches and religion and some politics. I love it when I have the opportunity to hear other people's perspectives on religion, God and politics. I'm not as near well read as most but I do know what I believe and I enjoy hearing what other's believe and how they have come to the conclusions around their choices. It also peaked my interest in politics enough that I really want to get better informed about this election and the proposals and promises from both sides. Having worked in a local government for years I kept well informed but now that I have been retired and so strongly focused on other areas these last few years I'm realizing that I'm quite out of the loop and for the first time in a long time have the desire to get somewhat more involved in knowing more. I'm really behind in this ball game right now so I need to get caught up. Your Uncle Bill picks up all the local papers every day and it's been interesting to read the newspaper again. We usually just pick up the Sunday paper and catch up. Dad checks out the news on the computer, but there's just something about sitting down and reading the paper and discussing it that brings another whole element to the day. Guess we'd better order the paper when we get home.

Being here had encouraged me to begin reading again. I bought three books at the Library Book Sale yesterday. I've started reading Smoke Jumper that is written by the same author of Horse Whisperer, Nicholas Evans. I haven't had the interest in reading in quite some time. Mostly, because I've not been able to concentrate and I catch myself reading the same paragraph over and over again. However, for some reason, being here lends itself to reading. Although I must admit, it also lends itself to napping!

I realized too last night that dad and I have somewhat isolated our

selves from the "outside" world. I don't see myself as an introvert but I have somewhat become one. We both have become homebodies and don't force ourselves at all into the outside world. We need to! If you were here you would be all over us. I don't want to become one of those people who have have tons of friends on Face book and live vicariously through just those relationships. I want to be out living life. We need to do more of that. 

 

Let's see, what else have a learned about myself this week? I want to spend more time in my studio doing my work. As I was reading a couple of magazines this week I came across a new process I believe I can easily incorporate into my signs. I'm very anxious to get home and try it out. I also came across a new style of handwriting. It actually looks as though it's been done with a quill pen but I think I can get the same effect with a fountain pen or possibly even a "Sharpie"! Now wouldn't that be something! I new that would wake you up and get your attention! 

It's been really good this week to have time to think and reflect. Believe it or not, as much as we like being homebodies, out lives are very full and busy. It's been great to have some time to read. I had forgotten how nice it is just to sit in the sun on the sun porch and read. I hope our landlord get's our porch rebuilt before the summer and autumn are gone so I can do some more of that before the seasons are gone. I'd love to be able to sit on the porch and have my Sunday conversations with you there.

 

Again, I'm on a Mac today....so, no pictures! It's all the Mac's fault!

You know that I miss you...always, but as I sit here in the sunshine and the bright Sunday morning, my heart longs for your laughter.

Until next week, be Aaron, love mom

 

There's blue in life sure, but life doesn't have to be blue

Good morning son! How are you this morning?  Perfect, I know, stop rubbing it in! We're far from perfect down here, or middle here, or where ever the ball know as earth happens to be rolling around in the midst of the galaxy. And as the "world turns" so does life. It's been a busy week but a fun and funny week. I know you've had your laughs as you watch from your lofty seat! Dad and Jamison just came back from their morning walk. My hip got me out of bed very early this morning. I must have slept in one place all night. Anyway, it's calming down and I'm on with the day.

Here's a few

The Troy 9  were in Maine visiting with your Uncle Bill and Aunt Nancy. From all I've head a great time was had by all. How can you NOT have a great time. You have a lake and every piece of water paraphernalia known to man, or woman, whichever you prefer. They got home in time to hopefully, get all their laundry done and then off to KJCG's "2022".  I'm assuming they got their laundry done and are not buried in it somewhere.  Corey and I spoke briefly as she was pulling into the driveway the evening they arrived home. I'm sure the kids are trying to squeeze the last bit of summer out of the air. Corey said it's really warm in Maine making the water warm and beautiful. I don't know if Dad and I will try it out but we'll see. I wish you were here.

Uh huh - Miss Attitude

You would love it and probably wouldn't leave the water the entire time. We'll be leaving for Maine on Wednesday and return the first of next week.

Tanya stayed at the house for Corey and Jon, as you know, and took care of the animals. She called the first night and dad went over and helped her get them in. When she didn't call again I asked her how she was doing. She said, "Corey is right. (Boy now there's a phrase we don't want to use too often!) If you wait until about 8:45-9:00 pm the chickens that haven't already gone in to roost,just fall asleep in the yard and you can just pick them up and put them in the pen. It's awesome"! Another lesson learned.

Almost too "green", but close

Speaking of lessons learned, last weekend I painted a couple of accent walls in the "dining room". I say "dining room" because it was. Now, it's a studio. I feel so lucky. I actually have room to move around, cut out large projects and best of all, to be organized where I can get to stuff without having to move the entire project to get to things. And, dad is going to finally have a place of his own. I wanted to put a nice chair and footstool in his music room for him, but he wanted a work bench. So, that's what he has. We're moving all of his guitars, keyboard, computer, trumpet, antique books, trophies (yours and his) into a space he can call his own. I don't think he's had that since we moved from Oakdale 12 years ago. Boy, that seems like an eternity. (Well, it does from here! Besides, I don't think you have any idea about time or space in heaven.) Anyway, back to my original thought. Yes, I did have one. Dad got all of my cubbies put together and I wanted to begin the transition into the new space but I wanted to paint a couple of accent walls in the new studio. Oh, it's a blue, kind of an ocean blue. It has a hint of teal and a shimmer to it. I painted the same color in our bedroom. Dad and I both really like it. I intend to paint a couple of accent walls the same color in the living room when we get back from Maine. ANYWAY, stop interrupting me! I finished the larger expanse of the two

Now that's more like it

accent walls. I just had the top edge of the second wall to finish. I moved things around just enough so I had space to wedge the 5' ladder into position and catch the top edge. My knee and hip were beginning to question whether they wanted to make a couple of more trips up and down the ladder but they persevered and made the trips. I came down the ladder the last time and began easing the ladder out of the narrow pathway I had created for it. You know that split second when you're doing something and you realize, "oh crap"! Yea, one of those! About the time that clicked, the paint tray I had resting on the top of the ladder came flying off as I drug the ladder across the wood floor and the rubber grips on the feet of the ladder went, bup, bup, bup. I did have the presence of mind to take a step back as I looked up and tried to catch the paint tray. No, I don't know why I tried to catch it. It was just a natural reaction. In my minds eye I could just see that beautiful blue paint land right on top of my head. There was no where for me to go but back. Now if there was a perfect fall, this would have been it. The paint tray hit me in the chest, it did miss my head and face for which I am eternally grateful. But again, in that split second, I could see the wood floor below me and all I could think of was, oh no, I'll never get that blue paint out of the grain of that wood floor, original wood floor! Wouldn't you know that I had just filled the paint tray with paint too. It wasn't like it was just the remaining few tablespoons of paint. No, it had to be a full quart of paint. Anyway, it sounds like it took 10 minutes to happen, but it was a split second. Dad and Jamison had gone to run an errand. Good thing too. Dad would have been about as much help as you would have been. You both would have been laughing so hard neither of you would have been any help. And Jamison, he would have been in it with all fours and his nose carrying it all over the house before I could have stopped him. I had just put my flip-flops on to climb the ladder. I couldn't find my old ones in a hurry so I grabbed my new Aerosoles. I mean, it was just for a few seconds, what could possibly happen, right? Yea, right. The flip-flops are black, the paint blue. You get the picture. I scrubbed the heck out of them, laid them in the window sill to dry, grabbed an entire roll of dad's paper towels and a garbage can and began the "sop-up". Now you know dad and his paper towels. I was really taking a chance here. Dad cannot function without paper towels. He'd rather give up meat than paper towels. It took almost the entire roll to sop the worst of it up. I ran and got the mop, took it sopping wet and started on the floor. After about 2-3 rinses I was successful. Once I got the floor cleaned up I started looking around. Dad's computer was sitting on the table to the right of the ladder and my dining table (now work table) was so close the ladder was almost on top of it, was to the left. The table was piled high with my Cricuit and paper goods from my work table in the old studio. Right next to it was an old dresser than I'm going to re-do for my studio. In one quick, fearful, sweeping glance I saw that outside of four or five thread-like streaks on the side of the dresser, the paint had missed everything and had made a direct hit on the ladder and the floor in front of the ladder and me. So outside of the front of me, my flip-flops and the floor, everything was good. Now THAT'S what you call a direct hit. It also made me realize just how fast I can still move...on occasion. Dad and Jamison got back just after everything was cleaned up, thankfully. We all had a good laugh. Oh, the story doesn't end there, it never does.

Blue broken toe and swollen foot 1st day

Later that evening I stretched out on the couch to watch a movie with dad. It's been really, really hot and humid here this last couple of weeks. We had refilled our iced tea and "battened down the hatches" and turned on the air conditioner. As I stretched out on the coach I noticed I had some pain in the top of my left foot and my big toe was bothering me. I really didn't think anything of it. I reached down and rubbed my foot and toe and settled back to watch the movie. It continued to bother me throughout the evening and I semi-conscientiously continued to rub it but didn't really think anything of it. I was so tired when I went to bed that I knew it was hurting but couldn't get awake quite enough to check it out. The next morning when I got out of bed the top and bottom of my foot was hurting and my big toe was black and red. Somehow in the course of everything the afternoon before I had broken my toe. I stayed down most of the day on Sunday and limped to work on Monday morning. I think I would have done fine with the exception that we had six fire drills that morning. Count 'em, 6! Every time the alarm would go off it was 20 stairs down and outside and twenty stairs up and inside. By the end of 440 stairs that morning I was really limping. Tuesday it was throbbing and I stayed home and kept it propped up. Someone at work asked me if I had gone to the doctor? Right! Go to the doctor, pay him $100 so he can look at me, pat my foot and tell me to go home and keep it elevated. NOT! Wednesday morning I was ready to head out to work, still limping, but dad was really fussy about it. He was convinced I should stay off of it another day...or go to the doctor. Now he was sounding just like grandma. So I stayed home another day. I have to admit, he was most likely right. It did help to stay off of it another day. I went to work Friday and sat in one of the lounge chairs with my foot propped up on an ottoman and stayed that way most of the morning. Saturday I was able to go with dad to find him a pair of sandals and do some running around. Today it's doing well. Think I'll get that ladder out again and put up those bathroom curtains!

Until next week, be Aaron, love mom

Do what's in front of you...the image can be changed.

Could be here today!

Good morning son! Well, here we are again one week later. How's your week been? I'll bet you're glad you're where you are right now. It was 102 degrees in Springfield yesterday! Not one of your favorite things...heat! It's been very hot here this week and the humidity and dew point have been off the charts. I've been trying to paint all week and it so hot and the humidity so high the paint would half dry before I could get it to the wall! Dad, Jamison and I stayed in the living room all day yesterday with the air conditioner on. We slept with the air on in the bedroom until 4:30 am this morning. That's a first since we've been in Troy. Dad and Jamison have been talking their walk between 5:30- 6:00 am these days. 

There's a wonderful breeze this morning, it feels so good as I sit propped up here on the couch having a "conversation" with you. We have flash-flood warnings here from 2 pm today through 2 pm tomorrow. We should be fine. We sit on a hill and have a solid rock wall behind us. However, we are surrounded on two sides by a cemetery so I hope the residents don't decide to come for a visit!

Our Troy family are in Maine for a couple of weeks visiting with Bill & Nancy and then for family week. I bet they're have a great time. They live in the water when they're there...as they should.  Tanya is "chicken-sitting" and house sitting this time around. Dad went over the other night to give a hand. He said they had done pretty well. They must have done okay last night because Tanya didn't call. Either that, or she's still chasing chickens!

I worked on a project for 12 hours yesterday. I started in the studio but the heat ran me out. Poor dad, I had project scattered all over the living room. I was printing, cutting, gluing, literally everywhere.  Poor Jamison, spent most of his day on the back of the couch. He was probably afraid I'd glue him to something. Kinda like dad use to be when I painted; afraid to stand to long in one place, afraid I'd paint right over him!

Bill, our fearless leader, Halloween 2008!

Oh, I think I forgot to tell you, or maybe I didn't know yet, anyway, Bill Spiry set for his bar exams a couple of weeks ago. He has to wait seven weeks to hear but I have no doubt that he passed and is on to another great adventure in his life. I still miss working with him. We had a great partnership at work and did some great work but I am so thrilled that he's found his true calling. The world is going to be a better place because Bill is doing what he does best. I'm excited to see him hold up that piece of parchment. As you know, events in our lives can sometimes be painful in order to get to where we're suppose to be, doing what we're suppose to be doing. (He may "shoot me" for this picture, but I just couldn't resist!

I don't know if you've seen the commercial or not, (Do you have television in heaven? I guess you really don't need it do you?n I mean, can you just look down and see everything going on or does it appear like a hologram on a big white cloud for you to see?) I digress. Anyway, back to the commercial. It starts with a young lady sitting in a library in front of her computer and she's talking about when people get older. Like she'd know what that's like. She's all of 20 years old! Anyway, she's talking about how she's concerned about her parents not having any friends and relationships in their "old age", or something to that effect, so she got them involved on line. She's says her parents are up to 18 friends and she's up to like 687, and you know, "that's what life is all about". The whole time she is talking they're showing her parents with friends, attending events, riding bicycles etc. Her parents are living their lives in the real world. She's experiencing her friendships via the Internet. While both are good and have a place it made dad and I both sit up and take notice. Can't say that about commercials much any more. Anyway, the first time I saw it it really hit me hard. That was me; me and dad! All the things we talked about doing when we retired; the things we were going to do and see when we got back here, what's happening. We're back in the same "rut" we were in the last 42 years of our lives. Getting up and doing what's in front of us, just like we taught you all those years. The trouble is, we've never changed what's in front of us. Well, after a long, teary-eyed conversation with a very dear friend last week, dad and I are going to change a few things. We're going to change some of the things that "are in front of us" and get out of here and do some things. In August we're going to Main for a week, September we're going to the Brimfield Antique Show, in October (and dad doesn't know this yet) we're going to Vermont overnight and check out the foliage and November, we're still working on. In December, our trip to CA to see grandma and family. However, part of the family, the Taylor family, are currently in the process of moving to KY. They're flying out on August 13th. They'll be in for a Christmas this year like they've never experienced before! Anyway, back to our conversation about doing what's in front of you. Yes we have to do that, get up and do what's in front of us. What dad and I have lost sight of is that we can change what's in front of us. With a little more saving and a lot more planning we can see and do those things we want to see and do...so, we're going to do that. It might not be on a grand scale, but it will be.

You were never a project, always a best friend and son.

My project I'm working on took me to tons of pictures yesterday. It was a lot of fun. Yes, it did choke me up a couple of times but I had a great day doing it. Such great memories we all made together. I'm so glad we did. I'm so glad you were here. I'm so glad that we had the years we did to love each other, laugh with each other and at each other. To hug each other, to cry with each other, to share with each other, to argue with each other; dad never has understood our communication method, but it worked for us. It always sounded like arguing to him but we knew we weren't angry or upset, we were just sharing our views with each other. I loved doing that with you. You challenged me. When I'd make a statement you made me back it up. So many times it made me reevaluate my opinion and decide if that WAS what I really believed or was I just quoting status quo. You changed some of ideas and opinions by having those open and free conversations. I loved those times. I'm enjoying these one-sided conversations these days too though. Even I'm the only one talking, I can still hear you in my head and heart saying, "are you sure about that mom".


Until next week, be Aaron, love mom

Rain in Life

Good morning son! All is quiet here this morning. Well, why wouldn't it be? It's 7:15 am on a Sunday morning and I'm up. No, I don't know why. Sammy and Jamison are sitting in the window watching the birds. It's misting rain, warm and humid. Kind of like what I imagine the jungle to be. Can you tell we watched Jumanji with Jose and Dylan last night? Thoughts of jungle in my head when I went to bed last night. Dad is still sleeping, if you believe that. Usually he's already up by this time and he and Jamison (and Sammy if he's here) have already gone on their walk. He's not been sleeping well lately so I'm glad to let him sleep.

This could very easily be our porch!

The birds are at their feeder this morning. Yesterday when I looked up we had 5 little ones sitting along the railing. We have one who is pretty much of a bully, he's a pretty bully, but a bully none-the-less and does not like to share.We were suppose to get the porch replaced in June and we're still waiting. I haven't put any plants or done anything with the front of our house because it will all get torn out when they do the work. But, we're still waiting. The last thing the landlord told Dad was they're trying to find the guy who did the first bid again. They thought he was too high.They've since found he was the lowest bid. I just hope he does quality, safe work. This is a two story porch. The couple who rented the second floor were counting on that porch. Their porch is very unsafe so they can't even use it. They're not very happy. We've started using our back door because the steps are too unsafe out front. It's actually worked out better for us, especially when we're unloading something. The backdoor will be better this winder too. The two steps leading up to our kitchen are indoors so we don't have to worry about slipping and sliding.

The visit with the cardiologist last Thursday was pretty benign. The EKG was clear and the doctor said everything sounds normal. He did say the symptoms dad is having could indicate that we're approaching the time to do an angiogram. We're waiting for the blood work that the doctor ordered to come back to see if it has something to do with his thyroid and/or anemia. The cardiologist scheduled him for a 6-month checkup but if the systems persist we'll see him before that.  Yesterday dad had more energy than he's had in weeks. He just keeps pushing. I don't know whether that's good or bad, I just let him be Ray and do what works for him. I like it when he's himself!

You know what I just noticed about our family portraits? You, dad and I are never in them. Nobody's fault. Just an observation.

Grandma isn't doing to well. I think I've told you that she's fallen a couple of times in the last couple of months. Evidently one of those falls created a compressed fracture in her back. She has been in extreme pain for a month now. They'll be doing surgery next week to fix it. Until then they're keeping her pretty doped up because of the pain. They have a great doctor in Groveland. Trichelle works for him and she stayed right on top of the situation and the doctor even worked with her while on vacation to see if they could find out what was happening. All the extra work paid off because it was grandma's doctor who found the fracture after she'd gone to the emergency room and had x-rays twice and they could find nothing. Auntie Di says she's doing okay but I'm concerned about her and her health and Uncle Ron is worn to a frazzle. 

It's fun to laugh with dad again. The other day I think I missed a good one. At least hearing dad tell it I missed a good one. He was coming from the kitchen to the living room. As he passed the doorway to the laundry room, the curtains I have hanging in the doorway blew out and wrapped themselves around him. He said he was so tangled up he pulled the curtains, rod and all out of the doorway and almost fell on his face. (And you always wondered why I liked spring-loaded curtain rods!) I can just see it. Actually, the first picture that came to mind was of Carol Burnett in that scene on her show where they did Gone With the Wind. Remember? They had made her dress from the curtains and left the curtain rod going across her shoulders? Yeah, that one. Dad and I still laugh when we see reruns of that show. Of course, what's not to laugh at in Carol Burnett reruns!

The Troy 9 are as busy as ever this summer. They're playing soccer, doing plays, playing baseball, doing Zumba, swimming, and who knows what else. They're all growing up entirely too fast. Josie asked us last night if we're coming to her soccer games this Fall. Guess she's going to try out soccer and she how she likes it. I would imagine there are going to many, many things Josie tries out. One thing you don't ever want to say to Josie is, "only boys do that". I like that. She sees no reason why a girl can't do anything a boy can do. I see some very challenged boy friends in her future, that's for sure.

This week was Relay for Life in Springfield/Eugene. It felt odd not to be there. We thought we might be able to join a team here this year but dad just wasn't up to it. We'll look toward next year and see what happens then. However, you were not forgotten in Springfield/Eugene. The Choose Joy Team was right there this year doing their thing and raising money to fight this horrible disease. We had such good times and made such great memories each year. Maybe some day we can go back and walk with the Choose Joy team. It will never really be the same though, without you.

For the first time in my life, ever, I feel old. I don't know what it is. I've never felt like this before, old, that is. My mom use to say when we talked about it, that our bodies get old but are spirits never do. Today, my body and spirit both feel old. I'm tired I guess. Sometimes it feels like life just keeps revolving in circles.  You know, the one where you get up in the morning and do what's in front of you, come home, go to bed, get up and do what's in front of you, come home and go to bed? Yea, that one. Maybe I have too many unfinished projects going, I don't know. Maybe I'm tired. I don't know. Maybe I'm getting older? That I do know. I think I have us so involved in so many projects there's no time to live and have fun. Every spare minute I have I'm working on a project. Life at home is beginning to feel like there's no time to enjoy, just sit back and read a book all day if I want. It's more about we gotta get these projects done, work, work, work. Dad and I spend too much time talking about the things we want to do. We need to start doing them. Dad's putting together a couple more cubby shelves for my studio today. Once those are done I can move my studio into the dining room and I'll be able to carve a space for dad to have a small den where the studio was. Poor dad has no place to put his things like his guitars, piano, trumpet, sheet music, books, and computer. You know, a place where he can string stuff out and leave it if he wants. I don't have a lot to do, just a lot of little things. I want to finish everything up before we go to California in December. We're looking at other things to make and sell on Etsy and at Troy Flea and I need to get all this other crap done so we can really zone in on Auntie Jan Creations. I just sold a sign that read, "Just Another Day in Paradise". Maybe I should have kept it!


Until next week, be Aaron, love mom

It's been a shaky couple of days

Good morning son! And how are you this beautiful Sunday morning? Before I go back into the last week and try to update you on what's been going on, I want to share a dream I had Friday night. It's significant to me because I remember  it. You know I very seldom ever remember my dreams. Sometimes I remember I had one and most of the time they're dreams of great memories. Very seldom do I have a nightmare. Can't remember the last one in fact. But this dream was the most real dream I've ever experienced. The other thing that amazed me was that each time (four, count 'em FOUR) I came back to bed after my bathroom trip, the dream started over right back where it left off. I've never had that happen. And to be honest with you, I didn't want it to stop. (Geez, I hope I can tell you about this without crying all morning). I lost a complete day yesterday because I cried all day and it was one of those days when I had no control over the tears. Anyway, dad, you and me and sometimes Jamison were somewhere at an event full of people. Dad was playing trumpet with a group. You and I were roaming around, up and down an escalator and stairs laughing and having a ball. During the entire time, you changed in age. Sometimes you were in a stroller (I know! I can hear you now, trying to imagine yourself in a stroller, but you did ride in a stroller when you were little.) The government would probably haul us away for child

Yours was blue!

endangerment these days for that stroller, but, it's what we had and what we used.  Anyway, no matter the age, you always carried this little brindle rabbit with you. A live rabbit, being carried under your arm. Did you have a rabbit hidden in your room! I asked dad if he remembered you ever having a rabbit. Neither of us can remember you ever having a rabbit. It would not surprise either of us though to find out you did have a rabbit in your room. Most of the time we'd have never known! It was a great dream. Everyone was happy you and I were having a super great time just being together while dad played. You never let go of that rabbit. Sometimes when I looked at the rabbit, it had Jamison's face. Figure that one out. All of that was good. I was your mom on earth again and enjoying your hugs and laughter again. Then, morning came, as it always does. The dream had been so real I was exhausted when I awoke. And then it hit me. It was as though you had died all over again. My emotions went crazy. No matter what I tried yesterday I couldn't stop the tears. The fact that the tragedy in Aurora CO had just occurred didn't help either. Here you fought for five years to hold onto life and this young man not only just threw his away, but took other lives as well. I don't think we'll ever know why he ever felt that was the only option left to him. I grieve for his mother and father. The question, "What more could I have done?" will never leave their minds. There is no answer to that question. But they will never stop asking it. Dad and I know there is no answer to that question but we continue to look and seek an answer. I know they'll always been looking for that one little thing they missed so they can say, "aha, there's the answer". I wish I could let them know, there is no answer. I just so hurt for them. Never in their wildest dreams when they brought this child into this world did they dream this for him. Never in their wildest dreams did they ever think their son would ever be capable of what he did. Your child is always your child. You never want to think they're capable of something this extreme. They're always wonder, they'll always be in pain, their lives will never be the same again. All we can do is pray they have the strength.


I'm much better today. The sun is shining and it's going to be a beautiful day. I slept great but I have an emotional drain from yesterday. Poor dad, I feel for him. All he can do is just watch and be there. He's always there though, never far away, watching and waiting for the least little sign that I need him. Jamison never understands. He usually is very quiet and is laying across my feet because that's as close as he can get.

Well, it's been over a year since we've been in Troy and life is beginning to fall into place. Dad continues to strengthen. He and Jamison are walking early morning now because it's just too hot in the afternoons. Jamison is getting great about going out with dad, and me, without his harness and leash. If he heads off dad just slaps the side of his leg and he comes right back. NOW, we still don't try it after dark because we know from experience, you can't find him in the dark! Also, the deer come right up into the yard and stand right there and look at him. He wants to play so much. Yesterday we say three doe and two tiny, baby fawns. They didn't look big enough to even be walking and were pretty wobbly. So cute.  We haven't seen the red fox in quite some time but I would imagine come winter we'll see him again. The squirrels continue coming to the front porch trying to get to the bird feeder. Are there squirrels in heaven? I hope there are animals in heaven. You're not going to tell me are you? Get that grin off your face. Jamison just sits there, not 4 foot away and watches. He loves the birds. I'm using bird feed that is suppose to attract Cardinals. Dad is going to build me a birdhouse for Cardinals. They have to be built a specific way. They also need to be placed in shrubs rather than on a post or in a tree. We have the perfect place in a shrub across the driveway from the front porch. I bought another feeder and we're going to put it in the shrub as well. I know the Cardinals are around because I've seen one, finally!

Corey, Jon and the kids are having a very busy summer. Corey is traveling a lot and spending a lot of time in airports because of cancelled or delayed flights. They've all been spending a great deal of time working in their yard and it really shows. They have a great vegetable garden and dad and I have already benefited with one huge pot of fresh green beans which we ate in two days time. Dad cooked his first bunch of green beans and they were the best I have ever eaten. I'VE never cooked beans that tasted that good. Their yard is an abundance of colorful flowers. Corey has a red begonia in a pot right at their door. It reminds me of the dozens of pots of begonias my mom use to have going down the pathway to grandma and grandpa's between our garage and house. Your grandma has a green thumb. She had the most beautiful flowers, begonias, fuchsias, daisies, violas, violets, day lillie's, roses, petunias, pansies, cala lillies, bird of paradise; you name it and mom had it in her yard. Corey and Jon are just like that. I think they can grow anything. Their yard shows how much time they spend working in it too. Where they find the time, I have no idea. The kids are all good. Their summers are always full. Oh, and Sierra has a boyfriend! I know, can you believe it. Jamo and Josh are still getting use to the idea.

Dad and I may luck into having a garage! We're very excited. Tom told dad yesterday that he thinks the man that rents the garage next to his shop is going to vacate the garage. We've waited a year. It will be so great if it happens. The garage is entrance is right out our back door. It will give dad a place to set up his saws. Since I'm spreading out into the dining area so I'll have more room, dad can have my work table which was originally built for a shop. Today we're going to Target to pick up a couple of expedite shelving units so I can begin the change. Right now, my studio is stacked! Well, if I don't stop yapping and get busy none of this will get done. I have a stack of cards I need to get finished too so I'd best get to it.


I so enjoyed spending time with you, hugging you and laughing with you again, even in a dream. I know where you are and I know where I am. I know that's not physically possible, but it will do for now.


Until next week, be Aaron, love mom

Moving forward

Good morning son! How are you? Something tells me everything is just great where you are. How is heaven this morning? Full of sunshine and rainbows? I bet it is. It's going to be stormy here today, weather-wise that is. The humidity is high and the dew point is high so it's going to be a muggy day. Dad and Jamison have already been on their walk. They went about 6:15 am this morning so they could beat the heat. Good thing they did. It's 7:30 am and 80 degrees already. Jamison is resting, sitting on the couch, looking at his windows to check in on his day.

It was a very busy week last week, just like always. We had a baby shower on Monday, a farewell party for another on Friday and a member's grandmother passed away. I'll go to the wake with Corey and Diane on Monday night. In the midst of it all, I missed a 6" step coming out the front of the office building and did my dance up and down the sidewalk trying to keep from falling on my face. I twisted ankles, knees, neck and back in 40 different directions. I'm sore and stiff but I didn't land on my knees so that's a good thing.

I've not been good about my walking and doing stairs this week. My knee hasn't wanted to hold going down the stairs for a couple of days so I've taken the elevator. I should be good by Monday so I can start again. Hearing my knee twist and turn trying to stay upright made me sick to my stomach, but, I made it. 

I'm having trouble getting my fingers going this morning. Dad thinks it's because I've cut way back on my ice-tea so he's making some. He and Jamison are getting ready to pick up a Sunday paper. We're working with Jamison more and more so that we don't have to put a harness and leash on him to go out to potty and to the car. He's been doing great. However, if he sees a deer, that could be another story! I hear the car start, guess they made it.


Terese friended me on Facebook yesterday. Dad and I were just talking this week about she and Dustin and how we miss sitting down and having a glass of tea with them. I was so glad she found me. She's wanting to catch up so I'll send her a message today and see how she's doing. They were such a big part of our family for so many years. We saw them almost every day. It's hard not to have them around. They were so good to you and Kristin. I know they miss you too.

So, ready for your mom's next move? No, not that kind of move. Just expanding the studio within the current house. I've outgrown my small studio and need more space to work. Our dining room, just outside my studio is used simply for a pass-through from the kitchen to the living room. Dad and I talked and I'm going to move my work table into the dining room. I'll rearrange things so that I can continue to use the dining room table as my project and cutting table. Most of the supplies can stay where they are. I just need more space and more natural light. I'll have to do a layout to see how I want things set up but it will be a great space. As it is right now, I have about a 2' square on my work table to lay out my projects to work. I don't even want to work in there because it's so crowded and I have no place to spread the work out. Careful....I know, you give me a working inch and I'll take a working mile. 


Auntie Di and grandma ended up in emergency again this week. Grandma was in so much pain she couldn't handle it. She thought it was in her back. They did x-rays and couldn't find anything. They sent her home with pain medication. Since then she realizes it's more in her hip than her back. She has a doctor appointment on Tuesday. Until then she's on pain pills.  Uncle Ron took the rest of the week off and went home to help Auntie Di. I'll let you know next week what the doctor says.

Oh, I forgot to tell you. A couple of weeks ago I drove up to the top of the hill to pick up dad and Jamison on their walk. It was hotter than they thought and Jamison was having some trouble. They were waiting by "Aaron's Rock". When I pulled up I noticed that a tree has sprouted and it looks as though it's growing right up through the rock. It would be so awesome if they leave it there and you have a tree growing over your rock for shade. It's really beautiful on top of that hill! I know you're not there, but it's a comfort to think that you are.


Until next week, be Aaron, love mom