A Child's Eye

It's been about three weeks now since my last post.  I know because Aaron just sent me an email saying  "it's time to update your post mom".  The words just aren't coming that easily these days.  Time seems to be moving so fast I can't keep up.  Reality really hit me in the face this afternoon at work as we began to actually make plans to think about filling my position when I retire in February.  I've said it, and need it, but the reality when it hit me really surprised me.  It's actually happening.  November 1st I sign up for Social Security.  When you're younger the reality is really never a reality.  I never really thought about the possibility of retirement until this last year. But I am far past ready.  In fact, the next three months are going to be a real challenge.  I don't think as clearly these days as I use to.  I'm so thankful for the younger people at work now, they really keep me on my toes and I love every one of them and the energy they come with. What a hoot our team is!  They keep me on my toes (or I get run over) and we enjoy each other, tease each other and laugh together. I hope they can put up with me for the next three months.  I think I can make it work if I just keep making fudge!

I am torn right now.  I feel like things are beginning to fall in on me. I sit in my living room and feel like I just need to hold out my arms and push to keep things from consuming me. There are too many things that have to be done and too many decisions to be made.

If I didn't have Ray to talk and plan with I don't know what I'd do.  I just lost it over the weekend.  He walked us through it and we talked it through and came up with a plan.  The house we are in is just too large for us when I retire and so we're going to be looking for something smaller.  I got things turned around and decided we needed to look for a place first.  It put me into overload just thinking about packing, working, moving and dealing with life.  Ray suggested we simply keep the same plan but put them in a different order.  Pack what we want to keep, sell what we want to sell, store what little we keep and look for a small department in January.  That way when we get ready to move to NY, we're ready. Makes perfect sense.  I just couldn't get it in the right order in my head.  We're on the right track and headed in the right direction!  Looking forward is great.  Thinking back is imperative. I don't want to have to learn any of those painful lessons again and the great things I really don't want to forget!

As I think back through years I remember three little girls, our nieces, Allegra, Ariana and Alexis, (beautiful aren't they!) who were very, very much a part of our lives.  They're almost grown now, but during their early years we did everything with them.  As I sat one day thinking about their lives as they grew up I was reflecting on what type of example I was setting for them because they were with me a great deal.  One evening, after having spent the day with them, I wrote this reflection.

A Child's Eye

8-1-98 

They're so tiny and so fragile

Or at least they seem to be

Their tender hearts are broken

So very easily.

They look upon our faces 

Their eyes aglow with charm

It doesn't take a lot of hurt

To cause a lot of harm

They're so very, very trusting

They come running expectantly

They trust we'll love and teach them

The way life ought to be

They're in and out of everything

They want to try it all

They push and shave, hug and love

And (sometimes) answer when we call!

We want the very best for them

We search and seek it out

But the answers we often give them

Is it really what life's about?

There's more to life than daily bread

To wash and cook and clean

Remember the important things

And share what Jesus means.

There's more to living every day

Than we really ever see

Maybe WE should learn to look

With eyes expectantly

The children all around us

Have a very simple plan

They live each day around them

The only way they can

They cherish every moment

They enjoy a gentle breeze

They love to see a sailboat

As it sails across the seas

They love to see a butterfly

As it wings its way along

They enjoy the simple things in life

But not for very long

These very simple ways we have

And the way God starts us out

Is the way He wants us to live today

Trusting Him without a doubt.

But as we grow and evaluate

The way our lives progress

That's how we usually end up

With our lives in such a mess

We make the awful habit

Of trusting in ourselves

We then forget His master plan

He planned our lives so well.

We need to always remember

The gleam in a child's eye

The wonder of amazement as he looks

toward heaven's sky.

 

But here is the most beautiful child in my life.  My prayer is that I have shown him and show him that it's not the things in this life that matter, but to keep the gleam in his eye and the wonder of amazement as he looks toward heaven's sky.

He and his life amaze me.