If you don't like something change it;

Remind you of anything????

 if you can't change it — change the way you think about it. — Mary Engelbreit

Good morning son! We're seven days of your favorite day of the year; Christmas.  This last six months has moved so quickly it's actually been a blur. Dad and I were talking last night as we finished the last of the decorations, with the exception of the Christmas tree that will go up today, that in 41 years of marriage this is the latest we have ever put up decorations.  The earliest was the year in Oakdale when he and grandpa put up over 10,000 lights in the front yard and we put up the Christmas Village in the window on two 4x8 sheets of plywood for a base.  We started decorating that year on November 1 and just barely got it all done.  What a decorating blitz that was.  We all had such fun. Grandma and I baked so much we didn't think there was any sugar or flour remaining in all of Stanislaus County!  We had such a wonderful time at our open house that year as the neighbors brought their children and grandchildren to have pictures taken with Santa, enjoy some hot spiced cider and the wonderful baked goodies.  I hope we can do that again some day....minus the 10,000 lights!

It's been a fairly quiet week...for here!  The chickens have finally started laying eggs!  One or two each day.  I don't know what that chicken is doing on the days there's only one.  Such a slacker!  They ARE beautiful large brown eggs though so I guess that makes up for something.

Jamo and Josie blowing out his candles

Did I forget to tell you it was Jamo's birthday on the 10th.  We celebrated as always with family, cake and ice cream.  He got a metal detector! He was thrilled. He got it all put together and then realized it needed two 9v batteries.  He was so disappointed.  Jon to the rescue.  In a flash he was in the car, down to Stewart's and back with the batteries.  He's so awesome! 


I helped with a project for a couple of days at KJCG.  I was suppose to go back on Friday for another project. But, we were running late Thursday after I got off work and so we stopped at a fast-food place for a couple of hamburgers.  I saved a few bites for Jamison as a treat.  Well, those hamburgers treated us all...if you know what I mean. By that evening we were all fighting for the facilities.  What a time. Not only that, but Jamison was up at least six times a night Thursday and Friday nights.  What a mess.  19 degrees and I'm outside with a sick dog. I felt so badly for Jamison.  Poor little guy. Dad did pretty well and I settled down pretty well yesterday.  We won't be eating at that fast food place again!  Jamison didn't even ask to go on his walk yesterday.  That was absolutely a first. At 3:20 pm every day he's right at dad's feet yapping and telling him it's time to walk.

Miss Santa! Hope she's not ordering on Amazon!

Last Monday night I went with Corey and Josie to Josie's first dance lesson; tap and ballet.  She's a natural...and so cute.  She asked to take lessons but when I went to pick her up that night she was crying and said she didn't want to go. Diane and I talked her into at least going for a ride to the office to see mom. She and I sang Christmas music on the ride and she was starting to smile by the time we got to the office.  She had a great time at dance class and now wants to know why she can't go every night! No rest for the wicked here!!


Since the weather is changing and it's getting a little darker and colder Jamison has taken to spending most of his time, when he's not following one of us around the house, sitting on the back of the couch behind me and looking out the window.  He's so cute there and loves being able to look out and see what's happening in his neck of the woods.  We had some sputtering of snow yesterday.  It was very light but you could see it.  We have snow predicted for Wednesday and Friday.  We just might end up having a white Christmas after all.

It feels like something is changing.  I'm finding it difficult to have this conversation with you today.  It's almost as though your voice is getting fainter.  Not that you are, just the part of hearing you in my head.  Boy, a statement like that could raise some concerns from folks now couldn't it?  You know what I mean.  I have a super great fear of forgetting what your hugs felt like, of what it was like to hear you laugh, of not missing you enough and of you disappearing from every one's memories. All my life I had heard how fragile life is but I had never really experienced it like this.  It's still hard to imagine that you were here 38 years and then the next minute you're gone. How can that be so I keep asking myself. How can someone be so living, laughing, loving one minute and the next minute they just aren't anymore.  Well, enough of that sad sap stuff.  I've shed my tears for the day, no, I don't cry every day!  The tears catch me at the most odd times over some of the simplest or stupid things. Things that just catch me off guard at the weirdest times.  I love you son. Life will never be the same without you, BUT, life will be and dad and I will not waste it.  I promise!

Is The Lamp Really Out of Oil? I Think Not!

Son, this is not your guardian angel already...is it?

Morning son! And let me tell you, I can barely say that today.  It's 11:49 am EST. The latest I've ever been.  Hope you haven't been sitting around waiting.  Actually, I know better than that. You NEVER sat around.  You were the most active child I ever knew.  You had to have something to do....all the time! Even until the day God took you home you wanted to be busy.  I do not know where you found the strength the last couple of years but you did and you accomplished so very much.  I bet you're giving those angels a run for their money.  Do they have money in heaven? Did you finally get to meet your guardian angel face to face? You're
a Jamison, so, had she aged?  I mean, you did keep her pretty darn busy while you were here!

Just so you know, your mom is having a little more difficulty with the Christmas season than I did with Thanksgiving; about you not being here and all. A couple of nights ago, during a Christmas movie, the tears started to flow.  Dad asked me what was going on and I said I missed you. Christmas was your very favorite time of year.  Dad tried to console me, telling me you weren't hurting any more, the Lord has you and all that.  I said, for crying out loud, this isn't about Aaron, it's about me!  We both just laughed. The amazing thing with you is that you're just like your dad and me. When things are tight, we don't worry about not being able to give each other anything. It's just awful that we can't give to others.  Dad and I have spent a lot of time over the last couple of weeks struggling to figure out what we can give. We came to realize we're not alone out there.  No matter what they say about the economy picking up.  The truth of the matter is that thousands of people are homeless, have lost their homes like we did, are having trouble putting even the simplest of food on the table, can't afford clothes let alone gifts.  Just because the economy is better doesn't mean that all of a sudden everyone is flush again, everyone has a job and life is great.  If you've lost everything it takes time, sometimes years to build your life again.  BUT, the one thing you do have plenty of when you're in these circumstances is TIME. Now I'm not saying we don't have anything but time on our hands. Don't get me wrong.  If anything, we're busier now since we've retired and moved here to Troy than we ever were when we both worked full time, had you in every production ever put on at Springfield High while you were in High School and dad pastoring a church part-time and then full time.  Well really though, everyone knows, there is NO SUCH THING AS A PART TIME PASTOR so in reality he worked full time and pastored full time. But, giving IS the very best part of Christmas.  So here's what we're going to do this year. For every Christmas card we send this year or for every every electronic card that we send a message will be included. Something like this:  

"Merry Christmas!  Our wish for you this Christmas is that you find JOY in all that you do or say.  May your Christmas be filled with the JOY that comes from giving.  If you don't know how, just look around you.  There are people and organizations all around you that need your time, your smile, a helping hand across the street, a warm cup of coffee, someone to wish them a Merry Christmas, or for that matter, Happy Hanukkah! So in the true spirit of Christmas and Hanukkah this year, Ray and I will be volunteering 2 hours of our time to ______________in your name during the year 2012.  Once we have volunteered that particular two hours will send you a note to let you know which organization benefited from your two hours of volunteered time.  Choosing Joy always!  Merry Christmas, Ray & Jan Jamison"

So son, what do you think? Any ideas?  We're beginning with the TROY - YWCA
There are several opportunities here. And the organization such a terrific job helping women to get out into the workforce again.  There's a bonus too for us, kids and babies! I mean, can you ever have too many kids and babies? I don't think so!

Aaron & my Christmas quilt 2010

Any-hoo, it's taken some real push for dad and I to even get started decorating for the holidays. The truth is, we just didn't think we had it in us.  The thought of getting all that out and then, holy cow, putting it all away again.  It almost set us into heart arrhythmia! We decided we'd put up the tree and nativity and call it good.  Stop laughing! We went down to get the two items and the next thing we knew, all Christmas was in the dining room.  I said, stop laughing!  I don't care, and dad doesn't either, if we get it all put up.  But, we really want to go through all of the memories.  So, even if we decide to just sit at the dining room table and look through all of it, it was worth bringing it all up stairs.  Besides, it's easier getting it all back down!

So, I'm dying to ask.  What's Christmas like in heaven?  I can only imagine but what a glorious time I see.  Imagine, actual choirs of angels!  I really can't begin to imagine what that is like.  It will be your first Christmas with all of your grandparents that have gone before you.  Those you knew and those you never got to meet.  Great-grandpa and grand-ma.  Give them a hug from me.  I miss them so very, very much but I'm so glad you can all rejoice together during this holiday season.  Are there Christmas lights?  Guess you wouldn't really care would you, you probably wouldn't even notice them with the brilliance of the Lord and His heavenly host.  It's just that I know how much you loved going out looking at all the Christmas lights during this time of year.

Christmas at the Jamison's 2010

I found something out about myself and the process of loosing you today.  I found that I'm okay that you're with the Lord.  I'm okay, really, really okay that you aren't hurting anymore. I'm okay that one day we'll meet again.  The one thing that I haven't settled in my heart is why did it have to happen at all?  Why you?  I don't even know why I'm going back there.  As grandma always says about her Parkinson's, "why not me?".  Sometime I wish life were like a movie and an angel would appear and make everything better.  That an angel would help me to understand.  Unfortunately, life is not a movie. I won't ever know "why" until I join you in heaven, but I don't know that I'll ever get to the place when I don't ask why.  Maybe time will heal that.  I don't know.  All I know is that I have this moment that I'm in and that's all I have so I'm not going to waste it.  You'd beat me over the head if you thought I was wasting one moment worrying about such silly stuff. And rightly so, we taught you better.  Some of life's lessons are much easier to teach than they are to live though. Again, you can stop laughing now!

Your favorite movie of all time!

Dad is doing so much better.  I cannot begin to tell you what it's like to have him emotionally and mentally back in my life again.  We spend hours just visiting and talking like we use to.  Now though, we don't have to feel guilty about it.  We're retired and if we want to stay up until 2am and talk, guess what, we're going to do it.  If we decide we want to stop mid-day and take a break we do it. Don't miss understand me, those times don't happen often, life is pretty full, but the important thing is, they do happen and we love it when they do.

Did you feel the excitement yesterday!  We if you didn't I'm truly amazed. We LOST Jamison for about two hours! You can imagine the frantic search!  He had gone down to the basement with dad just like he always does. He gets into cobwebs, looks for mice. He just has a great time. When dad came back upstairs about 20 minutes later he asked me if Jamison had come back upstairs.  He hadn't so dad went back to the stairs and called for him. Nothing. We took flashlights and went over every square inch.  We looked in, under, on top of, around calling for him the entire time.  Usually he comes. Maybe not the first time but always after the second time when dad says, "JAMISON".  Guess we should give him a middle name so he would know, like you did, that when I said Aaron Matthew Jamison, you'd best show up.  Anyway, dad thought maybe he had gotten out of the house somehow.  I didn't know how that would be possible since every door was closed and we hadn't been outside for anything, but just on the off-chance I started looking and calling outside.  We searched the house from top to bottom, even the closets.  No Jamison.  Sometimes he goes up the stairs to visit the kids on the second floor but the minute he hears our front door,  down he comes...because he things we're going somewhere with out him. Spoiled dog!  Dad drove up through the cemetery where we walk and down the hill to the school where we walk.  Nothing!  Needless to say, by that time we were both a wreck.  Me because I couldn't imagine loosing him. Dad because he was worried about me and how I would react if I lost Jamison right after loosing you.  While dad searched I stayed here in case he came home.  I made another trip to the basement.  I stood at the backstairs and called.  I rechecked the front stairs and every room in the house again.  No Jamison.  Just about that time, our neighbor from the third floor came down to head out.  He asked if we'd found Jamison.  By that time I was bawling my eyes out.  He asked if we'd checked the back stairs.  We told him we'd called and he always barks or comes when we call.  Joe said just in case he was going to take a look up the back stairs which leads to his third floor apartment.  And there he sat! Joe said he was shaking so bad he was afraid to try and pick him up so dad went up and carried him down.  He was shaking so badly he sat with me all afternoon until he finally settled down.  All we can figure is that the front staircase is not as steep and is carpeted so he makes that just fine up and down.  The back staircase is very steep and is painted wood.  Dad thinks he got all the way up there exploring and when he turned around to come back down he got scared. You'd think he'd bark when we called, he barks at everything else.  Anyway, that's my Jamison story for the week. Now when they go to the basement dad puts a gate at the bottom of the stairs, of course when he use to stay with Paula and Mary he jumped over that same gate.  So who knows, we'll just have to play it by ear!

So, until next Sunday son, I love you sooooo much.

love, mom 


Oh wow, I almost forgot!  I finally got my Etsy store open.  Once I finally get everything listed I'll have about 50 signs and then the real fun begins.  Making more signs.  It feels so super great to be on track again.  I have some great ideas for new signs.  I've also decided to continue with my re-fresh and re-purpose items.  Like the children's chairs I use to do.  Dad just rolls his eyes when I ask him to pull over on garbage night to pick something up I know I can use.  But he does it.  I can't wait to get started and get it on my site.  I had my first order come through yesterday.  Whoopee!


Here's the link, take a look.  Oh right, you probably don't need a link. But us mere mortals will.

Auntie Jan Creations

Merry Christmas Eve, eve, eve, eve, eve (you get the picture)!

To you, my son.

Morning son!  I'd do the "Merry Christmas eve, eve, eve, eve, eve, eve, eve, eve, eve, eve, eve, eve, eve, eve, eve, eve, eve, eve, eve, eve" game with ya, but what would people think!? Too late! Actually, I know you would have won because you always made that early morning or late night call to get the first one in.  Dad started that game with you when you were four or five and you've played it every year since. Each of you always trying to be first.

Well, it's 20 days 'til Christmas and dad and I still don't have any decorations even out of the basement. Don't know what our hold up is this year, we just can't seem to get our "whatever it is" going. We talk about it but just isn't happening.  I know, I know, get with it.  You would have donned your Santa hat months ago and would have been singing Christmas carols weeks ago.  Your tree would have been up, Snoopy out and the Christmas Parade attended.  Today is the Victorian Stroll  in downtown Troy.  This is an annual event and from the look of things, quite the event.  We intended to go but dad is but half way through his antibiotics for pneumonia and the wind is really howling.  The last thing we need is to undo the healing process for the last week by taking him out strolling in this wind and set everything back.

I have some great news! It's been over five years, but your dad is back!  You know what I mean. I'd thought I'd lost him forever, the man I married.  But this past week he realized that he was ANGRY.  I mean really angry. Angry at tons of things.  Last Tuesday morning he woke up and the minute I saw him I knew something was up.  He was assertive, moving with purpose, speaking a "little" louder...even as he was getting the oatmeal ready.  It's a good thing the oatmeal didn't argue cause no telling where it would have ended up.  For the first time in a very long time he's laughing and joking.  We have spent the last day and a half just talking and catching up.  We've had the greatest time! 

Happy 41st Anniversary Honey!

Today we've planning!  Planning for Auntie Jan!  We're getting back on track with our purpose, looking at all of our options, setting up steps and getting those steps in motion.  It is so super great to have him back.  No more being the timid, quiet, reserved clump sitting in a chair.  He's movin'!  I need his energy, knowledge, expertise in sales, his ability with a saw and router, his ideas about signs.  I need him and I'm so glad to have the Ray back that I married.  What a super great early 41st Anniversary present to me!  Happy anniversary to me.  He couldn't have given me a better present if he had spent a million dollars!  He's getting a box of Chocolate Covered Cherries.  Now that will make him ecstatic. Nuff of that stuff!  I just knew you'd be so pleased! 


So, what's going on in your world? I bet you spend a huge amount of time laughing.  I know God has a sense of humor.  So, how could you not.  You always believed God needed a Jester in His court.  I sure hope He was ready for you! I miss laughing with you son. I probably miss that more than anything.  I can't believe you've been gone two months already. I look up at your picture and think 38 years!  Where did they go? Did we spend them right? I do believe I won't ever have the answers to those questions.  It's okay.  We had a ball while God shared you with us.  Dad and I made some mistakes.  You would never let us take credit for them but we made them.  We were not perfect parents but we were good parents that loved you with every fabric of our being and as grandma says, "we did the best we could with the light that we had at the time".  We've also decided what we're going to do with the earthly reminder you left us.  It's going to be your Christmas present this year so it's going to be a surprise, but you'll love it.  See you Christmas day on top of the mountain!

Josie came for a visit last night.  As usual we watched movies, again for the 500th time, the Princess and the Pony, then the The Christmas Bunny. We drew (She almost drew "eyebrows" on herself with a permanent red Sharpie.  I just barely caught her.  Can you imagine the response from Corey and Jon.  Mercy! ) We made sock puppets and played with puppet. She brought some of her socks and said mom said it was okay.  If not, she has some pretty weird looking socks. We traced her hands and feet and she painted her "toe and fingernails", she ate Challah bread until I thought she was going to explode, she immediately got her piece of gum from grandpa as she walked in the door and kicked off her shoes.  She "got" grandpa twice with her whoopee cushion.  Grandpa left the room for a trip to the kitchen and she grabbed that whoopee cushion and blew so fast I thought her teeth were going to blow out but she got it done.  She just thinks it's the greatest thing in the world to catch grandpa with that thing.  She doesn't even bother to hide it.  She just blows it up and lays it in the chair and he acts surprised every time.  What a pair they are.

Dad & Jamison on their daily walk

Well, I thought the wind might die down and we might be able to get to the Victorian Stroll today but the wind is still blowing in a fury so I think we'd best skip it.  As I said, Dad is just half way through his antibiotics for his pneumonia.  I think his doctor would probably raise an eyebrow or two if we went in next week and told him dad wasn't better because we spent the afternoon out in the wind strolling around.  He didn't even take Jamison on his walk yesterday and that's something he NEVER misses.  I think Jamison is wondering what the heck is going on since I'm not walking him in the morning any more so he missed walking altogether yesterday.  That's a first.  Since I've fallen several times in the last couple of months dad and I decided we'll do our walk together.  I really can't afford to fall again.  Guess the third time was the charm.  Especially since I was still black and blue from the second time I fell.  I'm still having some trouble with the swelling and numbness in my left knee and leg.  It will get better the more I walk.  It did the first time.  

Dad and I were just laughing at ourselves, again, a few days ago.  We were talking about the winter months and walking.  There's a really nice mall near here, Colonie Center  But, that doesn't get Jamison out for his walk.  And believe you me, Jamison walking every day is VERY important.  If you don't, he's like a two year old on a triple espresso in the evening and he NEVER wants to go to bed.  Anyway, as we were talking and laughing it dawned on us.  For crying out loud, we lived in Bend OR.  You were born

Only you son, only you.

there.  We managed to get you to the doctor, take you to the laundry mat, go to church, grocery store.  Talk about snow!  We had snow!  For months we had snow.  Dad went to work in the snow and he worked graveyard in the mills. We might be a few years older but were NOT incapacitated.  We can still think, function, make our own decisions. We might take a little longer getting there, but we get there.  We might not climb the hill behind us to walk Jamison but we'll do just fine and we're looking forward to it. I think since you were diagnosed we've been in a fog and giving people the mistaken impression that we're old and feeble.  Well, we ain't!  We've been planning some this morning and making lists. You know what it means when we start making lists!!  Look out world, and the people in it,  here we come!!!!!!


On a personal note, to those of you out there who may be reading my blog, please let me insert a prayer request here. Aaron already knows. He's in heaven for crying out loud.  What doesn't he know!  

• Please continue to pray for Ray and me. 
• Pray that we will have the strength and wisdom to handle some of the situations we need to deal with this week. 
• Pray that we will know the right timing for taking the steps we need to take in order to get our sign business, "Auntie Jan" back on it's feet and kicking again. 
• Pray that we use whatever resources we have available to us in the most efficient way.  
• Pray that I'm able to find part time jobs to help fill some gaps within the limited parameters my social security and retirement allow.  
• Pray that the Lord will help us find the right church family for us. 
• Pray that we are able to forge new friendships that will last our lifetime.
• Pray that we use wisdom in choosing the path God would have us choose to make the biggest impact for Him here in our community.  

We've not made a good start, for whatever reason, it doesn't really matter the reason.  What matters is that we get our feet planted and get busy.  


Well son, dad is checking the first thing off his list today...he's taking a nap in his chair!  He's been up since 2am with leg cramps.  It just happens sometimes. Who knows why.  Actually, we very seldom ask why anymore.  We just deal with it and move on. That's a good thing.  I hope your Sunday is an especially beautiful one. I miss you and I love you.


Until next week, love mom