God's Silence

Good morning son!  And how was your week? Time continues to be a teacher here in our world. Somethings we can only learn as time passes. Sometimes we have to repeat those lessons because we didn't learn the first time. Fortunately for us, God holds no grudges. Time is of no consequence to God, although our lives are built around it. We age with time, we grow with time, we learn with time, we struggle through time, we end with time. I guess God knew that if He didn't give us some type of measurement life would have no meaning for us. Who knows what we would do if life had no limits of time? Most likely, a world of chaos. Kids wouldn't want to go to bed, parents wouldn't want to quit work, there would just be one long expanse of what? I'm glad that was worked out for us a long time ago.

October 2nd is right around the corner, Tuesday next week. It marks your second heavenly birthday. Two years since you have been gone. It has been a long, hard struggle this last two years. A time of searching to understand. I still have none, understanding that is. But I do have more peace in living without you here than I did this time last year. I keep waiting for the pain to go away but I'm beginning to realize the pain will always be with me I'm just learning to work around it and go on. 

We had many conversations over the years the two of us. During your final months you made it

very clear that your dream for dad and I was to come here to Troy. You had your reasons, I listened. I could see your point, from that of a son who loved his parents very much. You wanted to see us settled and taken care of since you weren't going to be here to do it. I know that one thing about dying was very difficult for you and you were failing us because you couldn't do what you had always planned on doing....putting us in a home! (Made you laugh!) I thought the move was the best thing for us too and so we make the decision to come to Troy. I don't think I need to tell you how much we love the Troy 9. That is a given and that will never change. They all have been wonderful and have been an amazing help and comfort to us. But son, we just don't fit in here on the East Coast. Dad and I have spent our entire life together, 43 years in December, building relationships and friendships on the West Coast. We don't have another 40+ years to do that again. We miss those friends. We miss the family that we grew up with. We miss our traditions together. We need those people and places in our lives. Our entire life's history is in California and Oregon. We're going home. I know by now, if at all possible there in heaven, you'll understand.

For the last two years God has been silent with me. I've prayed and appealed and asked to hear His still small voice as always but He has been silent. I've known, without a doubt that He was there. I never doubted that. But He was so silent. I've never experienced anything like it. I really am not explaining it very well but a couple of months ago, in late July, I felt this great release of pressure and it was as if God was saying, it's time now, you can go home. 

I know those that don't understand a personal relationship with God are going to think I'm hearing "voices" and am off my rocker but that's for them to work out. I know what my relationship with God is and to not be able to hear his quiet, still voice is very troubling. I am so thankful to have that peace once again.

We don't know what God has in mind or how He is going to do it. But as I told you so many

times in our conversations when we were talking about "impossibilities" in our lives, we are children of a King, with unlimited resources. God can make the impossible, possible. We believe we should do everything in our power and then God picks up the rest. I've learned a great deal in the last two years. I always thought that learning patience was the most difficult of the lessons. I've come to realize that the silence of God in my life is unbearable. Sometimes God never reveals why to the lessons He takes us through. He owes us nothing, He is God, but He gave everything. The ultimate gift, the death of His Son so that I have the assurance of where I will spend the "end of time".

Until next week, be Aaron, love mom

 

To Have Belief Like Job

Good morning son! So I hear on the news this morning that today is the first day of Fall, or Autumn, which ever your preference. Dad and have spent the last two days super cleaning. When you leave your windows, as we often do, the dust, dirt and spider webs make their way in. Wood floors show too. Also, I've been drilling and sawing, just with a small handsaw, in my studio lately working on Christmas gifts. Dad's studio space...well let's just say, he had a place to sit. Our house is always a place of projects in one room or another and one project or another. I have both my crochet and flower projects in baskets under the coffee table so they are readily available in the evenings while we watch or movie or are having quiet time after devotions. I began the transition of clothes in our closets from Summer to Fall seasons and am weeding out those items that we no longer use. Now I need to bundle the non-used items and get them off to someone who can use them. Dad is working on the kitchen floor! Again and still. It certainly looks great when he gets finished though so it's worth the wait.  Jamison? Well, he's wandering around the house and trying to find a corner in which to hide and stay our of the way. His favorite place is on his rug under my work table in my studio. But if I'm sawing or drilling he's looking for another spot.

My body can tell the weather is changing. My joints ache and my fibromyalgia  is acting up but it's standard for this time of year so I just work around it. As I tell dad, "It's not as if we don't get it finished it's going anywhere. It (whatever we're working on at the time) will still be here tomorrow".

Tuesday afternoon I spent with Jamo, Dylan, Josh and Josie. It was a school day so after school

it was homework, piano practice for Josh, chores, and make lunches. While all that was going on I got Fiesta Chicken in the oven for dinner and picked and prepared fresh green beans out of their garden. Sadly it's about the end of the green beans for the season. It certainly was nice to have them again this summer.

I plan to do some sketching this afternoon. My arms and shoulders are tired from the last two days so it will be nice to just sit quietly and sketch. Dad has some emails and notes he wants to write so I see a quiet afternoon later in the day.

Grandma spent some time with Aunt Lena in Oregon during the Rim Fire and they had a great visit. But, they both ended up falling toward the end of the visit. Grandma didn't break anything but she sure is sore. Aunt Lena ended up in the hospital a couple of days and is not in a rehabilitation center. I would imagine it won't be long before she realizes she can't live alone any longer and Jim will move in to give her a hand. I'm so thankful he and Sue are there

While at church a couple of weeks ago we were given a copy of Our Daily Bread, a small devotional for daily use. Grandma use to use it every single day when I was growing up. Dad and I have been reading it together during our evening devotions. During my devotions I've been reading the book of Job. I've read this book many times before but never has it been as clear as this time. This conversation between God and Job is amazing. Job's belief and faith in God, unsurpassable. How on earth

did Job get a belief in God that strong. Well I guess if you really think about it, he didn't get it on earth, the belief had to come from the Father. Having a strong belief is one thing, holding onto it during the times Job was going through is yet another thing. God allowed the unspeakable to happen to Job. He not only lost all worldly possessions and positions, God allowed the death of his children. Loosing a child can literally rip your reality away. And yet, Job's belief in God and God's goodness remained. As many times as his friends told him to "just curse God and die", Job trusted in his belief and remained true. I've been thinking on this "belief" quite a bit this last week. Belief in God has been an integral part of my life since a very early age. My personal relationship with Him began at the age of 11, on a Palm Sunday,

when I asked Him to be my personal Savior. I know many people will not understand this relationship. There comes a time when you've talked and explained all you can and your life becomes the explanation when the words make no sense. Living the belief is more important than any words you can speak. So many times I have failed to be the example I need to be to a world that does not understand. Some may never understand and all I can do is pray and only God knows when, if and where others will make a choice for Him. I really struggle sometimes with how to make someone

understand my belief. Peoples belief systems can be so different. My belief is that God is a living being who loves me and cares for me. He is my Heavenly Father and I have a personal relationship with Him. I can call on Him for any reason. He knows my wants, needs and desires. He knows what's best for me and wants what's best for me. I am his child and I am the child of a King of unlimited resources. Where others believe they need to know every detail of God's plan, I believe I need to know God has a plan and I should do it whether I like it or not. (Now where have I heard those words before? Hmmm.) I'm not saying I walk around blindly and am led around through a ring in my nose. But what I am saying is that God provides the resources for me to know His plan; through His Word, by having conversations with Him (prayer), and by consulting and counseling with those who are well established in their like belief. God is always faithful, sometimes He guides us around circumstances and sometimes He guides us through circumstances. But my belief is that He will always be with me as I make the journey. I could not live this life without my belief in Him.

Until next week, be Aaron, love mom.

 

Sharing ~ It's Important

Good morning son! I must tell you again that Autumn is in the air. The last couple of weeks I've noticed the leaves slowly creeping into their Autumn wardrobe around the edges. Now they are just getting more blatant. Yesterday on the way to Albany we passed a tree, standing all alone along side the freeway in it's own brilliant red coat. It was absolutely breath taking. As I look our our living room window recently I have only seen the green of our trees but yesterday I noticed the faintchange in color, although faint, of the leaves giving up their green and the Autumn golds and browns appearing. It was a very wet and humid summer but we enjoyed every minute of it. 

I continue my work on the display case for your Monopoly collection. It was a very busy week last week and so I didn't get as far along as I had anticipated but I just keep on keeping on and it will get done. The sooner I get it done the better because the longer it takes the more ideas I come up with on how to "make it better". I was ready to tear the entire thing apart a couple of days ago and start all over. NOT a good idea! 

Fabric flower pins

I had tons of fabric someone had given me and the buttons I got for free on Craigslist and so I've been turning those into flowers for the Christmas Child's boxes Auntie Di is putting together for their church. I'm making fabric flower pins. It's a great project for the evening hours. I have to have something to work on in the evening if we're watching TV or a movie. I cannot just sit idle for some reason; never have been able to. I made a few for Josie to add to her treasure box she made last week and added some to headbands for her. It's been a lot of fun and it's another way to give for Christmas.

Jon & Corey's wreath

My very first complete wood project, although not complicated, was building a "wreath" backdrop for a Autumn wreath for Jon and Corey. I love making wreaths. Rather than a standard round one, I made one that has a lattice look to it and used dark autumn colors such as burgundy, browns and colds...with a touch of orange. I was pleased with the results and I do so enjoy doing things that make people happy. I was just telling dad yesterday how much I appreciated how he has always given me time and leeway to make things to give to people. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't do that. Dad will always say, "Jannie, you should make those and sell them, they're beautiful". But I get so much pleasure from making them and giving them away that he just smiles and knows. I am so thankful he understands.

There is just something about giving that cannot be surpassed. I've had great examples over the course of my lifetime. When I think back through the last many, many, many years (By the way, where have those years gone?) Givers in our family have been many. Giving and sharing are two character traits that I have known and experienced my entire life. I have been surrounded by people who love to give and share. My mom and dad were constantly giving and sharing all that they had based on the scriptural principal that everything we have belongs to our Heavenly Father and we are simply custodians. God said it very straight forward and clear when speaking to Job in Job 41:11, "Who has a claim against me that I must pay? Everything under heaven belongs to me.". 

Your dad has always been a giver and sharer. If he had something and saw a need, away it went. If there was anyway he could possibly fill a need, he did so. Since we have retired and live on the fixed income it has become more of a challenge to find ways financially to share, but we find them. Maybe not in the $100's, but we find them, and God is able to multiply whatever we're able to give and use it for his glory.

There is something about "paying forward" so to speak or "giving back" that feeds a persons soul. There's something about that look on someones face of an unexpected act of kindness that just makes you want to do more and share more. The more you do, the more you want to do. Giving and sharing is addicting. It's one addiction that I wish everyone could have. So they could feel and experience the joy of sharing and giving. I don't think there is a greater feeling in the world. Outside of seeing your child's face the day they are born that is. 

The acts of sharing and giving appear all around us every day. We just have to look for them. From unexpected placed and unexpected people. We might not recognize them right away because in today's world we not use to looking for them, but they're there. There are people everyday who share and give at great expense to themselves. Not everyone has money to give. Sometimes that's too easy anyway. It's pretty easy just to pull out your wallet and checkbook and hand over that cash or write that check. It's something altogether different to share and give your time. Time seems to be our most valuable possession. To give it, willingly is the ultimate gift. I find, in my own life, since I've been "retired" time continues to be precious, but when you share or give your time and you see the look on that child's face having spent real time with them doing something they love, or you spend time with an elderly person just visiting and letting them talk about the things that are important to them and you see the look of gratitude that you listened it's both gratifying and sad at the same time. Gratifying because you saw the opportunity and took it, sad because you see gratitude in those warm, smiling eyes. No one should have to show gratitude because someone listened to them. Listening should be one of our skills in our sharing and gift giving heart. The gift of listening is one of those things we can do that costs the most, not in dollars and cents, but of our time. It seems so difficult these days to just sit quietly and listen to someone. Our minds seems to go to all the other things we think we could or need to be doing and yet, at that moment. the most important thing we can be doing is listening, truly listening. One of the greatest gifts we can give.

Until next week, be Aaron, love mom
 

My Heart's Treasure Box

Good morning son! Well, it's a delightful 66 degrees this morning. Delightful for dad anyway! And tonight is slated for a low of 43 degrees. And yet, on Thursday it's predicted to be a high of 90 degrees and a low of 70 degrees. The humidity will probably match the high. It's definitely Autumn! Jamison and dad got sprinkled on during their afternoon walk yesterday. The weather is at the stage that he wears a light jacket "just in case" but he's not into the sweatshirt stage yet.

I spent the day with the Troy 7 on Tuesday. As I was bending down to kiss Josie good morning on the top of her head I just happened to get a glimpse of movement from the garden outside the family room windows. When I looked out I saw two, very happy puppies, jumping and frolicking throughout the garden. They were having the time of their lives. Now these "puppies" as we call them, are about six months old and are half the size of a Shetland pony!  They had a ball by the time I got in to tell Jon. And...the garden was demolished..literally! Needless to say, no more green beans this summer. Although it actually was hilarious to watch because they were having such a great time, I felt so badly for Jon and Corey. They work so hard on those gardens every year and all of that work just trampled in about 30 seconds. The puppies survived though!

I was able to buy my miter box and saw this week for some current projects. Dad installed the vise on my work table yesterday and so last night I made my first rectangular lath "wreath". Oh I know, you'll have to see to know what I'm talking about. It's a project I've been wanting to try since I picked up this bundle of wood at Habitat Re Store. I made some fabric flowers last night to use on it but as I work on it I don't know that I want to use them. I think I like the wreath best with the silk leaves and the branches from our trees. It looks more rustic for Autumn. Today or tomorrow I need to cut over 100 1" pieces of this 1"lath for Christmas projects. That should be fun (she says sarcastically). This week I begin dad's case for his Monopoly pieces. I think it's going to be a tedious but fun project. He's very excited that I'm finally getting to it. Actually, I couldn't do it without the vise and miter box/saw.

Well, I just got a challenge via text message from Corey! I keep telling her that she feeds me so much "blog fodder" that's it's a weekly struggle not to use it. But, since this is happening as I write she deserves what she gets.  Plus, this is really a normal conversation between the two of us:

Corey: Something just fell out of my hair and was crawling in my bra! So I ate it! Put THAT in your blog, duderranch!!!!! (Direct quote!)

Corey: Where is your b log anyway????

Me: I'm writing now, but some duderrancch keeps interrupting me!!

Corey: Oh. Ummm. Sorry. Not really.

Always intelligent conversations between the two of us. Not! By the way, do you have any idea what a duderranch is? Me either.
 
Well, enough of that!

This afternoon Josie and I are going to make her a treasure box. I had one, just an old cigar box I found it my grandpa's garage he let me have. I use to keep it in the old barn down in grandpa's pasture for awhile, then I moved it to under my bed. It became quite a challenge to keep that box. My mom had a rule that nothing, and I do mean nothing, was ever kept under the bed. It

inhibited her ability to vacuum. So, it meant on the days I knew she was going to vacuum I had to make sure it was moved to  my closet or a drawer. I wonder what I ever did with that treasure box/ Hmmm. I was telling Josie about it yesterday and I guess she got to thinking about it and decided she wants to make one. I have a couple of unfinished boxes here so we'll use one of those and she can decorate to her hearts content. She just lost her first tooth and received a $2 from the Tooth Fairy so that can be her first treasure to put in her box.

Treasure boxes are great. You can put all the little special things that are important to you in them. Kind of like memories in your heart. Think of your heart as your memory box. All the important things in your life are stored there. Just about the time I think my heart memory box is full, I find room for something new. At almost 65 I have come to the realization there is no way to fill up my memory box. There will always be room for something new. I add to that memory box everyday. I find lately that I reach back into the memories from years past and enjoy


reminiscing, rolling those memories around in my head as I use to take those memory items from my box and roll them around in my hand, and remember.

Each new days brings new opportunities to add to the heart's memory box. I am so glad that God created us with the ability to remember and to hold certain things dear and close to our hearts. Those things help mold us. They help us become the person God intends for us to become and be. They are a part of us forever. Those memories help us help others. They let us share with others to help them through good times and tough times. They help bring us back to reality and realize that good or bad, life changes. Those memories remind us that we have gone through tough times before and God always brings us through them. They remind us that God always answers. Sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes no and sometimes wait. Those memories remind me that even though I often get off the path God intended, there is a way back. I've done it before my memories tell me, I'll probably do it again, but my God is always faithful, never waivers, I just lift up my heart, hand and eyes and God sooths my heart wipes my tears, takes my hand and leads me on...to make new memories.

Until next week, be Aaron, love mom
 

 

Testing of Faith

Good morning son! Sorry I'm late but guess you'd best get use to it. We went to church this morning. It's been a long time.We celebrated communion. It was right. Dad paused briefly asking me if it was open communion. As you know, some believe you have to be a member of a church to partake of communion. I believe God commands us to participate in remembrance of his death and resurrection, as does dad, so participate we did. We didn't get struck by lightening so guess it was okay. 

 It felt good to be in God's house once again. The pastor preached a wonderful sermon. We were in Isaiah 40 and I Peter 1; faith and knowing we can trust God. He also spoke in great lengths of being aware what scripture says the future

holds. I told dad later, this is probably the first church in the last 20 years that we have been in where we actually used our Bibles during the service. Unless dad has been preaching of course! It was as though I had been taken back in time to being a young one at First Baptist and Pastor Kraft was preaching/teaching. My first Bible is loaded with notations and markings as I would follow his words and he would instruct us to make a notation here, underline this, add this. I haven't done that in years. Growing up I could go back through those notations as I was rereading that piece of scripture and follow it all the way through because of the notes. 

It's been a rarely quiet week here but the fire in California continues to raise it's ugly head and jeopardizing the lives and homes of many. We would have had to leave the area with you. You wouldn't have been able to breathe. The air is filed with smoke. I pray for those with breathing

problems because it has to be terrible for them. The fire fighters have to be struggling for strength and the more tired they become the more likely for error. The heat has to be unbearable. It has always amazed me that they put their lives on the line for people they don't even know every day. Ron and Diane have gone back home but the smoke is awful. Hope Ron is able to stay home for awhile and not go back to work in the heat and smoke! But, knowing your Uncle Ron, I would doubt it.

Dad and I have been praying for a friend's youth pastor also. The young man has been diagnosed with an advanced brain tumor. To those of you joining in on Aaron and my conversation today please say a prayer for this young man. His name is Dane.

As our lives have been touched with cancer we understand some of the fear and anxiety this family must be feeling at this recent news for their family. Pray that they continue to seek God's strength and healing. Only God knows the outcome and believe me, it's best that way. But, the journey is shared by all and faith and strength are tools we need to pray they continue to call on and use. They need all the support, in many forms, that we can give.

It was difficult enough to go through the journey with you. Today at church their prayer list contained the names of three children under 6 who have cancer. How they must need support, love and faith. How would a parent cope with a child of 6 dealing with what you had to go through. I cannot imagine. May God grant them grace and peace. I still have your t-shirts you gave me so I could make teddy bears for kids with cancer. This will be a great start for the Joy Bears.

There is so much hurt and pain in the world it's difficult to know where to start. But, if you don't start someone who needs help will go without. Here's to getting re-started. Thank you Lord for the opportunity. May I continue to be your servant and always with a joyful heart. 

Having said this, I disobeyed the prompting of the Holy Spirit this morning. When the offering plate came around I knew very clearly that the Holy Spirit was directing me to put all that I had, thirty-four cents, into the offering plate. It was an open plate rather than an offering bag. I was embarrassed to lay the thirty-four cents into the plate even though I KNEW I should. After all, who's going to miss thirty-four cents and what could it do. I twas only thirty-four cents after all. God clearly assured me that there was a need and he would multiply the thirty-four cents and fulfill the need. I failed the test. I know God can do what he assured me He would do but my own personal discomfort of being embarrassed may have caused someone else harm. I pray that God touched someone else and their faith was greater than mine and that no one suffers because of my lack of faith this week. If you see tears in God's eyes this morning, it's your mother who caused them. I pray that I will not fail again.

Until next week, be Aaron, love mom