A Mom's Strength and Love

Good morning son! Well, our second Thanksgiving without you...we survived. It has been a beautiful Fall season and a warm and wonderful time of being especially thankful. Dad and I cooked our turkey, yes, and "stuffing" as Jon says, not dressing. And, your grandma's wonderful Cranberry Crunch Jello Salad. Thanksgiving and Christmas wouldn't be complete without that jello salad. In fact, how does anyone even eat turkey with out that cranberry salad? People don't know what they are missing. Thanksgiving evening we officially began the season by watching "Home Alone" and "Christmas Story".

 Last night was Thanksgiving dinner with the Troy 9. The kids choose a recipe, shop and prepare the meal. They made some amazing dishes; souffle, "stuffing" Brussels Sprout Slaw, mashed potatoes, cornbread, crescent rolls, fresh cranberries, roasted chicken, angel food cake, pumpkin pie, Rice Krispy Treats and a concoction Corey cooked up. She said it was a recipe but I have my suspicions. Onions, Parmesan cheese, fennel and something else she baked in the oven. I think it's just something she dreamed up to see if I would be willing to taste it. She and I tasted it and then the chicken's got dinner! I don't know, but it might still be laying out there in the chicken pen.

Ruby Cranberry Crunch Salad

2 - 3 oz. Cherry or Raspberry jello

2 cups boiling water

1 cup cold water

2 tablespoons lemon juice

1 - #1 can Whole Cranberry Sauce

1 cup thinly chopped celery

1/2 cup chopped walnuts

Dissolve jello in boiling water; stir in cold water and lemon juice. Chill mixture until thick and syrupy. Fold in remaining ingredients and mix well. Pour into a 2-quart jello mold or a 9x12 pan. Chill until set.

Josie, rocking horse & reindeer

Josie came over on Friday and she and I took down and put away all the Fall decor. She's a great little helper. She gathered all the ceramic and glass, which is quite a bit, and wrapped it all in tissue paper. After that is, she sang a pumpkin song and made them all dance!  She then had a clear road to get out "her" rocking horse and rocking chair where she proceeded to give her rocking horse a "bath" with a wet wash cloth and ate a candy cane while giving her reindeer a ride on her rocking horse. A good time was had by all.

I see the wonder in her eyes.

I'm ready to display my t-shirt quilt.

Friday afternoon dad and I moved ALL the Christmas decorations upstairs. Last year we just put out a few things. Dad is determined to go the entire route this year while I am gone. It will probably take him that long. However, 12-13 tubs of decorations in no way compare to a garage full, an 8x10 storage shed from top to bottom and side to side and the better portion of a 12x16 storage shed...all Christmas decorations when we lived in Oakdale CA. Remember? We use to have to begin November 1st to get it all done. The last Christmas there dad and grandpa put 10,000 lights in the yard alone. We had a friends and family open house every year with dad as Santa. Grandma and I made cookies and candy for days before and hot spiced cider. Those times were some of the most fun we've had in 42 years of marriage. Our Christmas village, including a train, took the tops of two 4x8 sheets of plywood in the window of the family room. If I remember correctly, you and dad even talked me into going caroling that year. We just about froze our hiney's off. That valley fog is mighty cold. Christmas has always been such a joyful time for all of us. Sure, it was a lot about buying things and giving things. But most of all it was about the wonder of a baby boy being born and mission that God had for Him. I look at Christmas with different eyes now. I have to wonder what my life as a mom would have been if I had known what Mary knew when her son was born; that his life would be required of Him at an early age. That He was being brought into the world for an express purpose, to die. Now I know, everyone eventually dies. But I have to think, since I am a mom, that knowledge, prior to conception, would have terrified me.How would she have coped all those years wondering every single day, "is this the day". When He disappeared and went to the temple, did she wonder if that was the time. When he traveled miles and miles along dusty, dry roads preaching did His mom know where He was. Did He stay in daily contact with her? How would He have done that. You and I always talked every other day, if not every day. And I have to tell you, I never, ever in my wildest dreams, thought your life would be required of you at 38 years old. Why would I? That happens to everyone else, not me. There is a reason God does not tell us the future. Your illness and death is a good example of why. As I sat in that hospital room that day and heard the doctor say those words, "stage four colon cancer, 3-6 months" and I watched your face I was filled with awe. You appeared calm. You asked questions as if you knew what you needed ask. Neither of us cried at that moment. I think we both knew that if one of us did it would be over for both of us.Tears came later after the doctor left. As I think back to Mary I think what an amazing mom. She knew the inevitable, she basically had no time or connection with her Son after about twelve years old. He knew His mission and she had known from conception what His life would be. What a woman and mom of courage!

God gave us so many good times together but I think our Christmases will always be the strength of those memories. Dad and I were trying to remember last night the first time you read the Christmas story on Christmas day. If we remember right, you were twelve. What a message of joy and hope you left here for us. You lived a life spreading joy and hope and you died carrying that same message. Dad and I have that and we will always be grateful to you for that. You were determined that we remember the joy, and we do. Joy is what Christmas is all about. Sharing that joy and that message is a very important part of our lives. This past year has been one of healing. I don't know if things will ever be "normal" again. Just about the time I think I have it all together, I loose it. But I will continue to live and celebrate the joy that your life brought to mine and dads. This year, I promise you, we will find a new way to share our joy with others once again.

Until next week, be Aaron, love mom

Always An Opportunity to be Thankful!

Good morning son!! How are you this beautiful morning? It's 9 a.m. here in Troy NY and 28 degrees this morning. The sun is out bright and dad has already made his Sunday morning run with Jamison to pick up the Sunday paper. I can hear dad in the kitchen getting the coffee ready. I love the smell of fresh coffee in the morning; especially Sunday morning. Although I don't have to rush off to work any more and sometimes I forget what day of the week it is, I always still enjoy Sunday mornings and having coffee and ready all the ads. I very seldom have the need to buy anything but I just never know what idea is going to pop into my head when I look through the ads from Joanne's, Michael's and A.C. Moore craft stores. Like I need more ideas to pop into MY head!

Dylan - ready for the oven!

The week before us is the week of Thanksgiving. It will again be a great week. Different, but great. The kids will be cooking a Thanksgiving dinner again this year, probably on Saturday when everyone is home. It really is a lot of fun; all of them in the kitchen making whatever dish they choose. You'd think the meal would be slanted in some way, all desserts or main dishes but somehow it all rounds out itself. They have to cook from start to finish. That means decide what they want to prepare, do the shopping, cooking and cleanup. It's always been yummy. Who knows, we could end up with that mean old rooster on the table!

Dad and I bought a small turkey and I'll make some cornbread dressing and grandma's famous Cranberry Crunch Jello Salad. We were buying groceries anyway may as well fix a turkey. (No, I know you want to, but don't go there! I don't know why I continue to give you glaring opportunities like that. It's not intentional, it just happens.)

Well, all this month people on Facebook have been sharing daily what they are thankful for.I have not joined the forces but continue to think about thankfulness and what it means to me and my life.  I continue to be amazed at the things in my life for which I am thankful or need to be thankful.  I do have to say that it disappoints me that there seems to be a rush to run past the being thankful part into the "I want", "I need", "my kids have to have", "my wife or husband can't do without" part of the season.  For me, and I can only speak for me, thankfulness needs to remain high on my priority list. Dad and I always tried to teach you that before anything else, being grateful and thankful should be on your list. Each and every day there is something to be thankful for in every one's life. Thankfulness comes in many forms and in many degrees. There's the thankful that, "Hey, I woke up again this morning!". There's the thankfulness of, "My child is safe at home" or "my loved one wasn't on that plane that crashed today". But, there are the thankful times when sometimes we forget we need to be thankful. Everyone knows when those happen. Maybe we say it quietly as we hug someone with tears streaming and saying a quiet, "thank you God". Sometimes we say those quiet thank yous because to show too much emotion would scare a child because that child didn't know they were in danger. But you knew. You knew what the outcome could have been and you are so thankful the outcome gave you the opportunity to be thankful.

As I have been thinking about opportunities to be thankful, this month especially, it has become very clear to me the opportunities are there in everything we do. I'm thankful I'm able to get out of bed every morning. Some people can't experience that luxury any longer. I'm thankful I can put my shoes on when I need or want to. I'm thankful I wake up every morning next to your dad who loves me beyond any words contained in the human language. And whether I like it or not, and I don't, I'm thankful that you are no longer in pain, such excruciating pain. I'm thankful God shared you with us here for 38 years. I'm thankful for family and friends on both sides of the United States and those in the middle. I'm thankful that God provides our needs and when we least expect it, our wants. I'm so thankful that as I have gotten older and progressed through life my wants have slowly diminished. I use to think it odd when I'd hear my grandparents say they really didn't need anything. I'd think to myself, how could you possible not need anything. I don't think it's the "need" that goes away, it's that as you get older you redefine what "need" is.

Thanksgiving has always been a huge part of our lives. Both being thankful and the actual annual celebration on Thanksgiving Day. We fix dozens of our favorite dishes. We overeat. We laugh. We tell stupid jokes. We play games. We share.

I am so very thankful for all the joy and laughter you brought into our lives!

Thanksgiving Day will probably never again be like it use to be. But then again, what day ever is. Happy Thanksgiving!

Until next week, be Aaron, love mom

Me, God's Project

I never tire of hearing this promise.

Good morning son! A new day! And just how is it in heaven today? If you get tired of me asking that, tough! lol  I'm sitting here as usual looking out of the living room window and at the back profile as Jamison as he takes in what's happening outside this morning. The birds are getting more scarce every day at the bird feeder. The squirrel comes every day and sits on the railing looking up at the bird feeder. I can't read his mind but all too often he sits there and glares into the window at me and Jamison. I would bet that he's swearing up a storm because we've figured out the perfect spot that no matter where he climbs he's just a little too far away to jump and reach that bird feeder. For a few days we'd see him fly through the air, hear a thump and then in a few minutes he'd appear back on the railing looking through the window with that look in his eyes. But now, he just sits on the railing staring up at the feeder. But I know what he's thinking!

We haven't seen the fox in about a week now. The last time we saw him he was was calmly walking up the driveway, taking his time, and stopped in front of the porch looking up at the window just long enough to alert Jamison that he was on his turf and "ha, ha, you can't get me". The fox has certainly grown and he has a huge tail. His color was much more brilliant and coat shiny when he was younger. He looks more scraggly now. Of course, if I lived in a dirt hole I imagine I'd look old and scraggly too. Don't say it! I know, you're dying, well maybe not dying, I wouldn't want you to have to go through that again, but I know that would have been a one-liner lead-in for you on any day. I love you son. Miss your laugh and your jokes. I hope you're liberally passing out those hugs in heaven because I'd hate for them to go to waste.

 Last week I saw my first white-tail deer. She was so beautiful and appeared to be all by herself. She popped up in the trees and brush about 20 feet from the front of the car as I opened the car door. I watched her until she disappeared up the slope and over the top of the rise. What a beautiful site. I just sat there and watched the graceful movements and she made her way. In all the deer we have here and see in the yard this has been the first white-tail I've seen. I'd love to see another. 

A walk on a Fall day.

Our daily walks are getting much colder. You know if I have to put a coat, hat and gloves on, it's cold. We don't realize how cold it is sitting here in our little pocket. But when we get to the top of the hill as we take our walk and that wind whips around we notice it then. Jamison is even wearing his sweater. It's been in the 20's here some nights. It probably won't be long before we begin getting some snow. Auntie Di said they had about five inches in Groveland this past week. I'll be headed out for my visit in about two weeks. I've looking forward to it. Not the trip, but being there and visiting with everyone. And...Christmas is only six weeks away. Where has the year gone?

$40 hutch - before

and after!

I continue to work on my projects. I am so thankful to have the time and energy to spend on projects. Most have been waiting for over a year. They've been patient and so have I. I finished the kitchen hutch last week. It came out exactly as I wanted. Dad helped me reassemble it. It's much different working on a big project like a hutch now than it was even ten years ago. Our eyes don't work as well, getting down on our knees to rehang the doors is not even an option. Our shoulders don't work as well, can't get them over our head or hold them up long enough to get all the screws in the hinge at one time so we have to put one screw in, rest the shoulders, put another. When you're doing that 36 times it takes a while. It takes even longer when you put the hinges in backwards and have to take three of them out and reinstall. But, we worked together, accomplished the goal and had super fun and laughter as we laughed at ourselves, took the breaks we needed and accomplished the goal. We only paid $40 for the hutch on Craigslist. Just take a look at the difference. I'm so proud of what we accomplished with a little bit of paint and a ton of elbow grease.

Remember my old screen door that dad laughed at when I refused to leave it when we moved? That poor thing has been painted every color of the rainbow and then some. I've used it as a room divider, on the wall as a display for pictures and just standing in a corner as an architectural piece. Now I'm in the process of redoing it as a display stand for quilts and linens. I've painted it mustard and hot pink, added some mod-podge hydrangeas and hot pink hardware, putting it on a stand and voile', a linen stand. I'll have to include a picture next week because it isn't quite finished yet. Kinda like me. God isn't finished with me yet either. (He isn't is he?  Just kidding.) I am so thankful that God's eyes don't wear  out. His shoulder's don't give out. Whose shoulder would I cry on if His shoulders gave out? His knees always stay strong. That really important because when I fall, and I do often, He's still able to kneel down, reach out a hand and lift me up. A project I am and always will be while I am here on this earth. Someone that needs refreshing and re purposing. Someone who always needs a helping hand and sometimes, a firm hand. (I just added that before you did.) My life with the Lord has evolved into more of a quiet, peaceful one. It's not so much about being "out there" but more of a constant, mindfulness of His presence in my life. A thankfulness that I know He is with me. It's a wonderful peace. I know, without a doubt, that no matter what "project" I am, He is the master carpenter and will make all rough edges smooth and will keep the color in my life.

Until next week, be Aaron, love mom

Gopher Holes and All

Good morning son! How are you this morning? It's a beautiful, cold (35 degrees) morning here. Cold but the sun is trying to struggle  through. Kinda like I feel today; trying to struggle through. Just tired that's all. I should be okay with the fact that I don't feel like getting up and "hitting it" every day but somehow if I can get up and don't feel like "hitting it" I feel lazy. Is lazy good? I don't know. Who cares anyway? The important thing is that I feel right? This is starting off really crazy isn't it? Can you tell I didn't sleep well last night?  There's just nights like that I guess. My brain just isn't clicking in this morning.

We survived the storm just fine. It helps when you're surrounded by solid rock and sit on a hill! Kinda like life huh. When you build your life well and surround yourself with the important things in life, or what I consider important for me, life is good. There are always bumps in the road, 'cause of the gophers I think, but how would we recognize the smooth road if there were no gopher holes?

Okay, let's try this again. I've had lunch and some coke. Well, actually Pepsi. Don't want anyone to get the wrong idea. Let's get back to the gopher holes in the journey. They are everywhere you know. Sometimes we recognize them, sometimes not. They're all there for a purpose. Sometimes to make us veer so we don't break a strut. Sometimes because if we hit the hole we'd loose a tire, or break and axle or worse yet, run over a squirrel.

Sometimes we're so focused on the gopher holes though we miss the rest of the road. There is more road than gopher holes you know. I can't imagine you'd have gopher holes in the streets of gold in heaven. In fact, do you have gophers? I mean if you have one animal, don't you have two of everything? How would that work anyway? So, back to the road. The road we're given in life is always changing. Always new twists and turns. I'm finding that there is very little "straight stretch".  The one thing about the twists and turns is that you really never know what's coming next. Guess that's where faith comes in. I'm finding that in order to navigate the road I'm having to count on my faith more. For me, that means I'm having to trust the Lord more to get me over the gopher holes, around the curves and turns, over the hills and out to the straight-a-way. Faith doesn't come easy. It means I have to believe in someone bigger than me. (Knock it off! You know what I meant.) Anyway, for me, faith was a lot easier when dad and I were both working and you were younger. Maybe it just seemed that way because we could solve a lot of our own problems. Which, is not using faith at all is it? Hmm.

Without going into any detail just let me say that I've experienced some difficult changes this last week. They're something that I knew would happen eventually. Something that should happen and are right to happen. But when they did and do, I hate to say it, they really hurt. I guess you could say  I was headed up a hill and knew what was coming on the other side but the gopher hole caught me off guard. (TomTom doesn't show you everything in your path. Close, but not everything.) By the way, dad and I thank you and Kristin every single time we get in the car for the gift of your GPS before we left Springfield. It has been an amazing tool in making us independent on the road.)

Well, it's 7 p.m. Let's see if I can finish this one thought today. It's been a busy 24 hours. We had a great time with Josie. However, trying to have a concise thought with that bundle of energy around is another story altogether.

Life will always have it's ups and downs and go-arounds. There will always be gopher holes and turns in twists. There will always be my faith. All in all, as long as I use my faith as my GPS and practice what I preach I should be able to maneuver whatever comes along my way on this road called life.

Until next week, be Aaron, love mom