If you don't like something change it;

Remind you of anything????

 if you can't change it — change the way you think about it. — Mary Engelbreit

Good morning son! We're seven days of your favorite day of the year; Christmas.  This last six months has moved so quickly it's actually been a blur. Dad and I were talking last night as we finished the last of the decorations, with the exception of the Christmas tree that will go up today, that in 41 years of marriage this is the latest we have ever put up decorations.  The earliest was the year in Oakdale when he and grandpa put up over 10,000 lights in the front yard and we put up the Christmas Village in the window on two 4x8 sheets of plywood for a base.  We started decorating that year on November 1 and just barely got it all done.  What a decorating blitz that was.  We all had such fun. Grandma and I baked so much we didn't think there was any sugar or flour remaining in all of Stanislaus County!  We had such a wonderful time at our open house that year as the neighbors brought their children and grandchildren to have pictures taken with Santa, enjoy some hot spiced cider and the wonderful baked goodies.  I hope we can do that again some day....minus the 10,000 lights!

It's been a fairly quiet week...for here!  The chickens have finally started laying eggs!  One or two each day.  I don't know what that chicken is doing on the days there's only one.  Such a slacker!  They ARE beautiful large brown eggs though so I guess that makes up for something.

Jamo and Josie blowing out his candles

Did I forget to tell you it was Jamo's birthday on the 10th.  We celebrated as always with family, cake and ice cream.  He got a metal detector! He was thrilled. He got it all put together and then realized it needed two 9v batteries.  He was so disappointed.  Jon to the rescue.  In a flash he was in the car, down to Stewart's and back with the batteries.  He's so awesome! 


I helped with a project for a couple of days at KJCG.  I was suppose to go back on Friday for another project. But, we were running late Thursday after I got off work and so we stopped at a fast-food place for a couple of hamburgers.  I saved a few bites for Jamison as a treat.  Well, those hamburgers treated us all...if you know what I mean. By that evening we were all fighting for the facilities.  What a time. Not only that, but Jamison was up at least six times a night Thursday and Friday nights.  What a mess.  19 degrees and I'm outside with a sick dog. I felt so badly for Jamison.  Poor little guy. Dad did pretty well and I settled down pretty well yesterday.  We won't be eating at that fast food place again!  Jamison didn't even ask to go on his walk yesterday.  That was absolutely a first. At 3:20 pm every day he's right at dad's feet yapping and telling him it's time to walk.

Miss Santa! Hope she's not ordering on Amazon!

Last Monday night I went with Corey and Josie to Josie's first dance lesson; tap and ballet.  She's a natural...and so cute.  She asked to take lessons but when I went to pick her up that night she was crying and said she didn't want to go. Diane and I talked her into at least going for a ride to the office to see mom. She and I sang Christmas music on the ride and she was starting to smile by the time we got to the office.  She had a great time at dance class and now wants to know why she can't go every night! No rest for the wicked here!!


Since the weather is changing and it's getting a little darker and colder Jamison has taken to spending most of his time, when he's not following one of us around the house, sitting on the back of the couch behind me and looking out the window.  He's so cute there and loves being able to look out and see what's happening in his neck of the woods.  We had some sputtering of snow yesterday.  It was very light but you could see it.  We have snow predicted for Wednesday and Friday.  We just might end up having a white Christmas after all.

It feels like something is changing.  I'm finding it difficult to have this conversation with you today.  It's almost as though your voice is getting fainter.  Not that you are, just the part of hearing you in my head.  Boy, a statement like that could raise some concerns from folks now couldn't it?  You know what I mean.  I have a super great fear of forgetting what your hugs felt like, of what it was like to hear you laugh, of not missing you enough and of you disappearing from every one's memories. All my life I had heard how fragile life is but I had never really experienced it like this.  It's still hard to imagine that you were here 38 years and then the next minute you're gone. How can that be so I keep asking myself. How can someone be so living, laughing, loving one minute and the next minute they just aren't anymore.  Well, enough of that sad sap stuff.  I've shed my tears for the day, no, I don't cry every day!  The tears catch me at the most odd times over some of the simplest or stupid things. Things that just catch me off guard at the weirdest times.  I love you son. Life will never be the same without you, BUT, life will be and dad and I will not waste it.  I promise!

Is The Lamp Really Out of Oil? I Think Not!

Son, this is not your guardian angel already...is it?

Morning son! And let me tell you, I can barely say that today.  It's 11:49 am EST. The latest I've ever been.  Hope you haven't been sitting around waiting.  Actually, I know better than that. You NEVER sat around.  You were the most active child I ever knew.  You had to have something to do....all the time! Even until the day God took you home you wanted to be busy.  I do not know where you found the strength the last couple of years but you did and you accomplished so very much.  I bet you're giving those angels a run for their money.  Do they have money in heaven? Did you finally get to meet your guardian angel face to face? You're
a Jamison, so, had she aged?  I mean, you did keep her pretty darn busy while you were here!

Just so you know, your mom is having a little more difficulty with the Christmas season than I did with Thanksgiving; about you not being here and all. A couple of nights ago, during a Christmas movie, the tears started to flow.  Dad asked me what was going on and I said I missed you. Christmas was your very favorite time of year.  Dad tried to console me, telling me you weren't hurting any more, the Lord has you and all that.  I said, for crying out loud, this isn't about Aaron, it's about me!  We both just laughed. The amazing thing with you is that you're just like your dad and me. When things are tight, we don't worry about not being able to give each other anything. It's just awful that we can't give to others.  Dad and I have spent a lot of time over the last couple of weeks struggling to figure out what we can give. We came to realize we're not alone out there.  No matter what they say about the economy picking up.  The truth of the matter is that thousands of people are homeless, have lost their homes like we did, are having trouble putting even the simplest of food on the table, can't afford clothes let alone gifts.  Just because the economy is better doesn't mean that all of a sudden everyone is flush again, everyone has a job and life is great.  If you've lost everything it takes time, sometimes years to build your life again.  BUT, the one thing you do have plenty of when you're in these circumstances is TIME. Now I'm not saying we don't have anything but time on our hands. Don't get me wrong.  If anything, we're busier now since we've retired and moved here to Troy than we ever were when we both worked full time, had you in every production ever put on at Springfield High while you were in High School and dad pastoring a church part-time and then full time.  Well really though, everyone knows, there is NO SUCH THING AS A PART TIME PASTOR so in reality he worked full time and pastored full time. But, giving IS the very best part of Christmas.  So here's what we're going to do this year. For every Christmas card we send this year or for every every electronic card that we send a message will be included. Something like this:  

"Merry Christmas!  Our wish for you this Christmas is that you find JOY in all that you do or say.  May your Christmas be filled with the JOY that comes from giving.  If you don't know how, just look around you.  There are people and organizations all around you that need your time, your smile, a helping hand across the street, a warm cup of coffee, someone to wish them a Merry Christmas, or for that matter, Happy Hanukkah! So in the true spirit of Christmas and Hanukkah this year, Ray and I will be volunteering 2 hours of our time to ______________in your name during the year 2012.  Once we have volunteered that particular two hours will send you a note to let you know which organization benefited from your two hours of volunteered time.  Choosing Joy always!  Merry Christmas, Ray & Jan Jamison"

So son, what do you think? Any ideas?  We're beginning with the TROY - YWCA
There are several opportunities here. And the organization such a terrific job helping women to get out into the workforce again.  There's a bonus too for us, kids and babies! I mean, can you ever have too many kids and babies? I don't think so!

Aaron & my Christmas quilt 2010

Any-hoo, it's taken some real push for dad and I to even get started decorating for the holidays. The truth is, we just didn't think we had it in us.  The thought of getting all that out and then, holy cow, putting it all away again.  It almost set us into heart arrhythmia! We decided we'd put up the tree and nativity and call it good.  Stop laughing! We went down to get the two items and the next thing we knew, all Christmas was in the dining room.  I said, stop laughing!  I don't care, and dad doesn't either, if we get it all put up.  But, we really want to go through all of the memories.  So, even if we decide to just sit at the dining room table and look through all of it, it was worth bringing it all up stairs.  Besides, it's easier getting it all back down!

So, I'm dying to ask.  What's Christmas like in heaven?  I can only imagine but what a glorious time I see.  Imagine, actual choirs of angels!  I really can't begin to imagine what that is like.  It will be your first Christmas with all of your grandparents that have gone before you.  Those you knew and those you never got to meet.  Great-grandpa and grand-ma.  Give them a hug from me.  I miss them so very, very much but I'm so glad you can all rejoice together during this holiday season.  Are there Christmas lights?  Guess you wouldn't really care would you, you probably wouldn't even notice them with the brilliance of the Lord and His heavenly host.  It's just that I know how much you loved going out looking at all the Christmas lights during this time of year.

Christmas at the Jamison's 2010

I found something out about myself and the process of loosing you today.  I found that I'm okay that you're with the Lord.  I'm okay, really, really okay that you aren't hurting anymore. I'm okay that one day we'll meet again.  The one thing that I haven't settled in my heart is why did it have to happen at all?  Why you?  I don't even know why I'm going back there.  As grandma always says about her Parkinson's, "why not me?".  Sometime I wish life were like a movie and an angel would appear and make everything better.  That an angel would help me to understand.  Unfortunately, life is not a movie. I won't ever know "why" until I join you in heaven, but I don't know that I'll ever get to the place when I don't ask why.  Maybe time will heal that.  I don't know.  All I know is that I have this moment that I'm in and that's all I have so I'm not going to waste it.  You'd beat me over the head if you thought I was wasting one moment worrying about such silly stuff. And rightly so, we taught you better.  Some of life's lessons are much easier to teach than they are to live though. Again, you can stop laughing now!

Your favorite movie of all time!

Dad is doing so much better.  I cannot begin to tell you what it's like to have him emotionally and mentally back in my life again.  We spend hours just visiting and talking like we use to.  Now though, we don't have to feel guilty about it.  We're retired and if we want to stay up until 2am and talk, guess what, we're going to do it.  If we decide we want to stop mid-day and take a break we do it. Don't miss understand me, those times don't happen often, life is pretty full, but the important thing is, they do happen and we love it when they do.

Did you feel the excitement yesterday!  We if you didn't I'm truly amazed. We LOST Jamison for about two hours! You can imagine the frantic search!  He had gone down to the basement with dad just like he always does. He gets into cobwebs, looks for mice. He just has a great time. When dad came back upstairs about 20 minutes later he asked me if Jamison had come back upstairs.  He hadn't so dad went back to the stairs and called for him. Nothing. We took flashlights and went over every square inch.  We looked in, under, on top of, around calling for him the entire time.  Usually he comes. Maybe not the first time but always after the second time when dad says, "JAMISON".  Guess we should give him a middle name so he would know, like you did, that when I said Aaron Matthew Jamison, you'd best show up.  Anyway, dad thought maybe he had gotten out of the house somehow.  I didn't know how that would be possible since every door was closed and we hadn't been outside for anything, but just on the off-chance I started looking and calling outside.  We searched the house from top to bottom, even the closets.  No Jamison.  Sometimes he goes up the stairs to visit the kids on the second floor but the minute he hears our front door,  down he comes...because he things we're going somewhere with out him. Spoiled dog!  Dad drove up through the cemetery where we walk and down the hill to the school where we walk.  Nothing!  Needless to say, by that time we were both a wreck.  Me because I couldn't imagine loosing him. Dad because he was worried about me and how I would react if I lost Jamison right after loosing you.  While dad searched I stayed here in case he came home.  I made another trip to the basement.  I stood at the backstairs and called.  I rechecked the front stairs and every room in the house again.  No Jamison.  Just about that time, our neighbor from the third floor came down to head out.  He asked if we'd found Jamison.  By that time I was bawling my eyes out.  He asked if we'd checked the back stairs.  We told him we'd called and he always barks or comes when we call.  Joe said just in case he was going to take a look up the back stairs which leads to his third floor apartment.  And there he sat! Joe said he was shaking so bad he was afraid to try and pick him up so dad went up and carried him down.  He was shaking so badly he sat with me all afternoon until he finally settled down.  All we can figure is that the front staircase is not as steep and is carpeted so he makes that just fine up and down.  The back staircase is very steep and is painted wood.  Dad thinks he got all the way up there exploring and when he turned around to come back down he got scared. You'd think he'd bark when we called, he barks at everything else.  Anyway, that's my Jamison story for the week. Now when they go to the basement dad puts a gate at the bottom of the stairs, of course when he use to stay with Paula and Mary he jumped over that same gate.  So who knows, we'll just have to play it by ear!

So, until next Sunday son, I love you sooooo much.

love, mom 


Oh wow, I almost forgot!  I finally got my Etsy store open.  Once I finally get everything listed I'll have about 50 signs and then the real fun begins.  Making more signs.  It feels so super great to be on track again.  I have some great ideas for new signs.  I've also decided to continue with my re-fresh and re-purpose items.  Like the children's chairs I use to do.  Dad just rolls his eyes when I ask him to pull over on garbage night to pick something up I know I can use.  But he does it.  I can't wait to get started and get it on my site.  I had my first order come through yesterday.  Whoopee!


Here's the link, take a look.  Oh right, you probably don't need a link. But us mere mortals will.

Auntie Jan Creations

Merry Christmas Eve, eve, eve, eve, eve (you get the picture)!

To you, my son.

Morning son!  I'd do the "Merry Christmas eve, eve, eve, eve, eve, eve, eve, eve, eve, eve, eve, eve, eve, eve, eve, eve, eve, eve, eve, eve" game with ya, but what would people think!? Too late! Actually, I know you would have won because you always made that early morning or late night call to get the first one in.  Dad started that game with you when you were four or five and you've played it every year since. Each of you always trying to be first.

Well, it's 20 days 'til Christmas and dad and I still don't have any decorations even out of the basement. Don't know what our hold up is this year, we just can't seem to get our "whatever it is" going. We talk about it but just isn't happening.  I know, I know, get with it.  You would have donned your Santa hat months ago and would have been singing Christmas carols weeks ago.  Your tree would have been up, Snoopy out and the Christmas Parade attended.  Today is the Victorian Stroll  in downtown Troy.  This is an annual event and from the look of things, quite the event.  We intended to go but dad is but half way through his antibiotics for pneumonia and the wind is really howling.  The last thing we need is to undo the healing process for the last week by taking him out strolling in this wind and set everything back.

I have some great news! It's been over five years, but your dad is back!  You know what I mean. I'd thought I'd lost him forever, the man I married.  But this past week he realized that he was ANGRY.  I mean really angry. Angry at tons of things.  Last Tuesday morning he woke up and the minute I saw him I knew something was up.  He was assertive, moving with purpose, speaking a "little" louder...even as he was getting the oatmeal ready.  It's a good thing the oatmeal didn't argue cause no telling where it would have ended up.  For the first time in a very long time he's laughing and joking.  We have spent the last day and a half just talking and catching up.  We've had the greatest time! 

Happy 41st Anniversary Honey!

Today we've planning!  Planning for Auntie Jan!  We're getting back on track with our purpose, looking at all of our options, setting up steps and getting those steps in motion.  It is so super great to have him back.  No more being the timid, quiet, reserved clump sitting in a chair.  He's movin'!  I need his energy, knowledge, expertise in sales, his ability with a saw and router, his ideas about signs.  I need him and I'm so glad to have the Ray back that I married.  What a super great early 41st Anniversary present to me!  Happy anniversary to me.  He couldn't have given me a better present if he had spent a million dollars!  He's getting a box of Chocolate Covered Cherries.  Now that will make him ecstatic. Nuff of that stuff!  I just knew you'd be so pleased! 


So, what's going on in your world? I bet you spend a huge amount of time laughing.  I know God has a sense of humor.  So, how could you not.  You always believed God needed a Jester in His court.  I sure hope He was ready for you! I miss laughing with you son. I probably miss that more than anything.  I can't believe you've been gone two months already. I look up at your picture and think 38 years!  Where did they go? Did we spend them right? I do believe I won't ever have the answers to those questions.  It's okay.  We had a ball while God shared you with us.  Dad and I made some mistakes.  You would never let us take credit for them but we made them.  We were not perfect parents but we were good parents that loved you with every fabric of our being and as grandma says, "we did the best we could with the light that we had at the time".  We've also decided what we're going to do with the earthly reminder you left us.  It's going to be your Christmas present this year so it's going to be a surprise, but you'll love it.  See you Christmas day on top of the mountain!

Josie came for a visit last night.  As usual we watched movies, again for the 500th time, the Princess and the Pony, then the The Christmas Bunny. We drew (She almost drew "eyebrows" on herself with a permanent red Sharpie.  I just barely caught her.  Can you imagine the response from Corey and Jon.  Mercy! ) We made sock puppets and played with puppet. She brought some of her socks and said mom said it was okay.  If not, she has some pretty weird looking socks. We traced her hands and feet and she painted her "toe and fingernails", she ate Challah bread until I thought she was going to explode, she immediately got her piece of gum from grandpa as she walked in the door and kicked off her shoes.  She "got" grandpa twice with her whoopee cushion.  Grandpa left the room for a trip to the kitchen and she grabbed that whoopee cushion and blew so fast I thought her teeth were going to blow out but she got it done.  She just thinks it's the greatest thing in the world to catch grandpa with that thing.  She doesn't even bother to hide it.  She just blows it up and lays it in the chair and he acts surprised every time.  What a pair they are.

Dad & Jamison on their daily walk

Well, I thought the wind might die down and we might be able to get to the Victorian Stroll today but the wind is still blowing in a fury so I think we'd best skip it.  As I said, Dad is just half way through his antibiotics for his pneumonia.  I think his doctor would probably raise an eyebrow or two if we went in next week and told him dad wasn't better because we spent the afternoon out in the wind strolling around.  He didn't even take Jamison on his walk yesterday and that's something he NEVER misses.  I think Jamison is wondering what the heck is going on since I'm not walking him in the morning any more so he missed walking altogether yesterday.  That's a first.  Since I've fallen several times in the last couple of months dad and I decided we'll do our walk together.  I really can't afford to fall again.  Guess the third time was the charm.  Especially since I was still black and blue from the second time I fell.  I'm still having some trouble with the swelling and numbness in my left knee and leg.  It will get better the more I walk.  It did the first time.  

Dad and I were just laughing at ourselves, again, a few days ago.  We were talking about the winter months and walking.  There's a really nice mall near here, Colonie Center  But, that doesn't get Jamison out for his walk.  And believe you me, Jamison walking every day is VERY important.  If you don't, he's like a two year old on a triple espresso in the evening and he NEVER wants to go to bed.  Anyway, as we were talking and laughing it dawned on us.  For crying out loud, we lived in Bend OR.  You were born

Only you son, only you.

there.  We managed to get you to the doctor, take you to the laundry mat, go to church, grocery store.  Talk about snow!  We had snow!  For months we had snow.  Dad went to work in the snow and he worked graveyard in the mills. We might be a few years older but were NOT incapacitated.  We can still think, function, make our own decisions. We might take a little longer getting there, but we get there.  We might not climb the hill behind us to walk Jamison but we'll do just fine and we're looking forward to it. I think since you were diagnosed we've been in a fog and giving people the mistaken impression that we're old and feeble.  Well, we ain't!  We've been planning some this morning and making lists. You know what it means when we start making lists!!  Look out world, and the people in it,  here we come!!!!!!


On a personal note, to those of you out there who may be reading my blog, please let me insert a prayer request here. Aaron already knows. He's in heaven for crying out loud.  What doesn't he know!  

• Please continue to pray for Ray and me. 
• Pray that we will have the strength and wisdom to handle some of the situations we need to deal with this week. 
• Pray that we will know the right timing for taking the steps we need to take in order to get our sign business, "Auntie Jan" back on it's feet and kicking again. 
• Pray that we use whatever resources we have available to us in the most efficient way.  
• Pray that I'm able to find part time jobs to help fill some gaps within the limited parameters my social security and retirement allow.  
• Pray that the Lord will help us find the right church family for us. 
• Pray that we are able to forge new friendships that will last our lifetime.
• Pray that we use wisdom in choosing the path God would have us choose to make the biggest impact for Him here in our community.  

We've not made a good start, for whatever reason, it doesn't really matter the reason.  What matters is that we get our feet planted and get busy.  


Well son, dad is checking the first thing off his list today...he's taking a nap in his chair!  He's been up since 2am with leg cramps.  It just happens sometimes. Who knows why.  Actually, we very seldom ask why anymore.  We just deal with it and move on. That's a good thing.  I hope your Sunday is an especially beautiful one. I miss you and I love you.


Until next week, love mom

Blessings Upon Blessings

Son, the tea for sure, not so sure about the fire!

I'm sorry.  I tried waiting until tomorrow morning but just couldn't wait.  We are having such a wonderful Thanksgiving.  It began Wednesday evening as I began preparation for cooking the next day i.e., chopping onions, celery and baking the cornbread for the Sausage Cornbread Dressing.  By the way, wonder why they call it dressing instead of stuffing?  Is it because we're dressing the turkey and not stuffing it?  Just asking.  Boiled eggs so they could cool for making Deviled Eggs (is that indicative based on the people who eat them?); made great-grandpa's favorite Cranberry/Nut Jello Salad. Tell him sorry, there's none left but it sure was good with the turkey: just like always. All the while, dad is running from store to store trying to find some Jimmy Dean Turkey Sausage.  Nope, five stores later and still no Turkey Sausage.  I'd tell him "I told you so", but he's never heard me say that so don't think I'll start this year.

Thanksgiving table 2011

Thanksgiving Day morning.  Oops! We didn't get to bed until 1:30am and so we didn't get up until 10:30am.  I don't think I've seen dad sleep that late since the first year I knew him.  It sure was a good thing I had done all the prep work the night before. Everything was ready to go so it was just a matter of putting things together.  I started by making the Blueberry Pie.  Dad says he's decided he likes the Blueberry Pie better than his all-time favorite, Raisin Walnut!  I know, I couldn't believe it either. Go figure!  Dad did the cleaning and I did the cooking until it came to stirring the dressing and my arm just wasn't up to it so he took over.  You have to watch him close though.  He has a tendency to "drown it", with chicken broth.  He did a great job this year.  Everything came out wonderful and beautiful.  I took a picture of our table like I do every year.  Did you already sneak a peek?  

Jon, Corey and Josie came over at 6:00 for dinner.  It was so fun to set the table with grandma's crocheted table cloth Aunt Lena had made her and the silver from grandma and grandpa's 50th wedding anniversary. Grandma always loved setting the table for everyone, and that was usually quite a crowd.  All of us kids kept trying to get her to serve buffet style on paper plates so it would be less work for her. We never really understood why she insisted on doing all that extra work.  Once we had you and began having holidays at our own home, I understood.  It's just not the same without the table being set with all the things that have such great memories and serving the dishes that everyone enjoyed so very much.  It might be sappy.  It might be traditional. But, I love every minute of it and I know you did too.  I'm so glad we carried on with those traditions. We ended the evening watching The Princess and the Pony with Josie.  What a hoot!



Yesterday dad and I just took it easy, had left-overs and enjoyed our time together.  It has been absolutely beautiful weather; no jacket required.  We attempted to watch our annual Friday after Thanksgiving Christmas movie, Home Alone last night.  Both of us slept through half of it.  It's not like we don't know how it ends.


Today I made my first batch of fudge to take to Jon Corey's tonight for dinner.  As soon as dad gets back from his daily walk with Jamison I'm going over and baking a Pecan Pie and helping Josh make Grandma's Ranch Style Cornbread.  The kids have been in the kitchen cooking all day.  We're having dinner together tonight at 5:00.  Can't wait!

Oh my, wish you could have experienced the feast we had last night.  It must have been very close to the first Pilgrim Feast!  The kids cooked all day and the food was amazing. We had roast turkey and chicken, dressing, sweet potato/pecan salad, squash souffle, fresh green beans, grandma's cornbread (I'll tell you about that later), garlic mashed potatoes, cranberry salad and homemade applesauce.  Desserts?  Oh my, it reminded me of the annual display that appeared every year on

Let the cooking begin!

grandma's kitchen counter.  Hot pecan, pumpkin & cherry pies. Pebble Marshmallow Krispies with White Chocolate Drizzle, Red Velvet Whoopie Pie, Fudge and Vanilla Ice-Cream.  Not only did the kids cook but they cleaned and wash all dishes as they cooked.  Sierra made beautiful arrangements for the tables. Corey even "scooped out" the gourds they grew in the garden this year and made tea light candle holders for the table.  Everything was beautiful and way past delicious.  First Thanksgiving in Troy...success beyond belief.  Thank you.


But back to the cornbread. Josh and I timed his cornbread to come out of the oven hot and steaming just as dinner began.  Timing was perfect. The smell of that hot cornbread permeated the entire kitchen when it came out of the oven.  It was so hot you could barely handle it and the butter just melted and seeped into the "inner core" of the yellow mass.  Oh, it was so yummy!  And from the mouth of Jamo as the hot, butter mass, slid over his tongue and down his throat, "Josh, you've won!". To which Josh replied, "No, we've all won!". To the rest of us, we didn't even know there was a contest! Wish you could have been here.  On second thought, no I don't! What you have now is way past hot cornbread! Enjoy!

Greg barefoot skiing.

I had a great conversation this week with a friend I have not seen or talked with for over 40 years, Greg Crocker  I'm sure you remember me telling you the stories of water skiing on Pinto Lake  while in high school.  It use to be one of our favorite hang-outs.  Greg's parents owned the local A&W.  They'd bring out the boat to the lake and we'd ski until we dropped and then most of the time we'd all go back to A&W and have burgers, shakes and fries.  Mrs. Crocker had the most amazing sauce for the hamburgers.  No one could duplicate it.  Boy do I miss those hamburgers sometimes.  I have another story about A&W but that's for another time.  And sometimes we dropped before we skied!  Greg was so good at skiing, he use to ski flat-footed, on his heels and even on his elbows.  He worked for quite a while at Marine World.  I think it's better known now as Six Flags.  He was a trick skier. Greg and his wife Kay, who was also in our youth group at First Baptist Church in Watsonville CA, had a son, Jeffrey, who passed away at an early age too. Maybe you've met him? (Well, that's what you would have asked me!)  They understand and it was great to talk with him again.  Once he sees this picture I image I'll be talking with him again.  But hey, it was on his facebook page so I figured, fair game!

By the way, November 21st was your grandpa's 85th birthday.  Did you bake him a cake?

Sunset view from our mountain.

You'll be happy to know, although I do believe you probably already do know, that I've started my daily walking again.  Jamison and I started out just walking around the property.  He feels pretty luck, two walks each day.  If I haven't put my shoes on by 11am he's right on my heels to remind me.  We walked the property daily for a couple of weeks. This week we started walking down the hill to the corner and back up. It's quite a slope for these bum knees.  Jamison is little, but he's mighty.  If I'm not careful he could easily pull me over going down the hill.  It's great coming back up the hill though!  As you know, dad walks with him everyday.  Dad never misses.  We decided this morning, since I spend most of the day talking with you, that on Sundays we'll all walk together when dad and Jamison normally take their walk.  Jamison was NOT happy about that this morning!

Home

Now, I know I promised you more pictures of the house and things moved so quickly I never got them to you.  I finally finished them so here they are. Since you saw a layout of the house this will give you a better idea of what it looks like inside.  You saw a few pictures of when we finally got here but other than the guest room, we're pretty settled in as far as where furniture goes.  I still have quite a bit of "custom" work to do come Spring but all in all, it's all good!

Our Troy Home

Until next week....if I can hold off that long. I love you. mom



PS  I don't know what's going on with the links today.  If it's bold and in another color, just click on it! You know what to do.

The Joy in the Journey

View from hill above our home

 My husband brought up a very good point this morning.  He suggested that every once in awhile explain the nature of my blogs since October of this year.  I guess I assumed that everyone ready would understand what I'm doing here, but just in case there's someone out there who's never read my blog I'll take a minute and bring you up to speed. My husband and I lost out son to colon cancer on October 2nd of this year.  He fought a courageous battle for three years with the cancer and a battle a year before with a misdiagnosis of diverticulitis. These "conversations" with my son Aaron are an attempt to maintain what little sanity I have left and hopefully, to continue his message of "Choose Joy" no matter what the circumstances. I am a  child of God, so was my son and his father a retired pastor. I can also speak for my husband when I say, we know where are son is, with his Heavenly Father. But, being a human being and a mother I deal with the same pain and agony any other mother would feel at the loss of a child at 38 years of age.  These "conversations" with my son help me handle the pain of his loss. My hope is that you will follow along on my journey and experience the joy of life.

Okay son, this update is probably going to be a really long one.  Yeah I know, I can hear you now, "it's from you mom, I expect it to be long!". Funny, funny, ha, ha.  I forgot to tell you about one of the funniest things that happened last week.  Remember me telling you about going to Sierra's performance of Les Miserables?  Well, it was a family event as they usually are. Right before the performance began everyone was roaming around and visiting as usual.  The house was full.  Jon decided to take the boys and go check out the balcony.  They took a look around and sat in different seats checking out the view from different angles.  When Jon said it was time to go to their seats the boys talked him into letting them stay in the balcony.  With a warming to stay in their seats and be quiet Jon brought Josie and came back to their seats which were directly across the theater from where the boys were sitting in the balcony.  As with any kid, as soon as Jon's butt hit the seat the boys immediately started moving around and changing seats.  Jon watched for a minute and realizing he couldn't get back to the balcony before the house lights began to dim, he yelled across the theater, "guys, get your butts in your seats", to which every man in the theater responded by immediately taking their seats!

Today is Monday, cold and wet.  I've been in my studio most of the day trying to finish the organizing.  Dad is going to help me hang the first sign you and I made, "Always Kiss Me Goodnight".  Remember that? It's 10' x 12"!  That was quite a task.  What?  Of course I moved it with us! It was my first sign and you helped me lay it out so we could get it straight.  You taught me how to work with the vinyl.  I wouldn't take anything for that sign.

Dad's Award-Winning Chili

Dad is making his famous chili. He's been at it since about 10am and it's 3:45pm and he's still going.  Wednesday night I'll make grandma's famous Ranch Style Cornbread to go with it and we'll have a scrumptious meal with the family...all 11 of us!  The vote is in, it was another award winning batch of chili.  Oh it was yummy! Wish you were here.  You would have loved it and you and dad would have had your normal conversation about whose chili was best. I wasn't happy with the cornbread.  I decided just to go with the recipe on the back of the bag of cornmeal.  Mistake!  Next time I'll stick to grandma's recipe.  It's the best in the world.  None of the kids noticed the difference though.  It didn't take them long to empty the pan.  That's always a great feeling...to see them enjoy what we've cooked.

Grandma's Ranch Style Cornbread

Preheat oven to 425 degrees

Spray a 9x13' baking pan with cooking spray

Combine following dry ingredients in a large mixing bowl and mix; add remaining ingredients and stir until mixed.  Pour mixture into prepared pan and bake 35-40 minutes or until done.

2 cups Yellow Cornmeal

2 cups Sifted Flour

1/2 cup Granulated Sugar

6 teaspoons Baking Powder

2 teaspoons Salt

2 Eggs

2 cups Milk (skim or whole), I use skim

1/2 cup Canola Oil

And the blooming of another beautiful day!  You know me, I love mornings...although mine don't really begin until after about 8:30 anymore.  Dad and I don't sleep very well so we rarely turn the lights off before 11:30pm or midnight. I think part of it is we know we usually don't have to get up until we decide, part of it is we require less sleep and part of it is life. The biggest for me is being able to make my own schedule!  And I really, really, really like that part. Bet you're laughing your head off 'cause you don't have any reason to NOT sleep well but probably don't sleep. I'm so happy AND joyful that you are finally pain free.  There are some things as a parent that you just can't explain to a your child until they have children of their own.  I use to tell you that when you were younger.  While you were sick many times you would ask me what was going on with me.  There were so many emotions going on inside of me that I just couldn't explain because here on earth you really did have to have children to understand.   Now I know you understand.  


I am so thankful you introduced me to blogging.  It would be so easy for me to sit here every day, all day and "talk" with you but I do have a life you know! I know, so do you.  Wish I could hear about it now but I'll wait if you don't mind!  And I know you don't. Dad and I put the picture of you up yesterday with your purple hair, holding the yellow mum!  I think that is our favorite picture of you.  That picture is SO you and so much the son we see when we think of you.


One of the things that I still have trouble getting my mind around is that you were 38 years old.  As you often told me, "Mom, I'm not 18 anymore!".  Where on earth did all those years go.  It was like they happened overnight.  Remember how dad use to say all the memories we were created that we thought would be for you.  Wrong!  Those memories are helping us go on.  I was going through some pictures yesterday and they were a mixture of your life.  I had such a great time.  I thought for sure I'd end up crying, but I didn't, I ended up laughing.

Well, dad and I are getting ready!  Next Friday night we watch our annual Christmas movie, "Home Alone", to kick the season off and then Friday, "let the decorating begin"!  As I said before, we'll see how long dad can go without putting up some outside lights.  Especially since we have a front porch where he can stand on the porch and hang the lights without having to get on a ladder.  It's going to be different this year.  It's the first holiday season in 38 years you haven't been here.  I'm sure dad and I will get out the Christmas album and go down memory lane. I'll bet it's like Christmas all year long in heaven. What's it like having angels all around you? 

Yesterday I went with Corey and Josie to take three of their chickens out to her Rabbi's farm. Outside of Josie, all the kids were gone.  This meant that Corey had to catch the chickens. I wasn't there to see that but all I need to tell you is that it was Corey...let your imagination do the rest!  She said that as she chased the one loose chicken (lucky for Jon it was only one loose chicken)  round and round the chicken coop the other chickens ran round and round the chicken yard chasing her.  She must have figured this was going to be a simple task because she was still dressed up in a skirt.  By the time she picked me up she was covered in pieces of branches from the trees and shrubbery around their house and shavings from the chicken coop.  She ended up phoning Jon, who was in the house, telling him this wasn't a one person job she had imagined. Can't you just see her running like mad and dialing the phone at the same time while chasing a loose chicken? Only Corey!  Jon came to the rescue, caught the chicken and she was on her way.  I don't think Jon was having as much fun as Corey was. We delivered the three chicken's to the Rabbi's farm. Corey did shed a few tears.  When they put "her" chickens in with the Rabbi's chickens, one of the Rabbi's chickens pecked at Corey's chickens. It's a wonder we didn't come back home with 3+ chickens!  Her three and one of the Rabbi's for "retraining".

Josie in the kitchen

Josie was here last night.  She was quieter than usual.  She didn't want to play with puzzles or sit with your dad to watch a movie.  She stuck like glue to me all evening and lay in my lap on the couch with a blanket to watch her movies (not that I didn't eat that up). She was pretty quiet all evening, for Josie.  She did perk up when I said she could hold two of my porcelain dolls while she was on the couch.  Of course holding meant taking their shoes off.  Josie is like me when it comes to shoes.  You wear them when someone makes you wear them and not until.  She perked up again when I said, "let's make Rice Krispie Treats". She measured out the rice krispie cereal into the bowl and once I had the marshmallows melted, she stirred and stirred.  We did have a "few" on the kitchen floor, from the sink to the stove on the other side of the kitchen actually.  But she had a ball.  She had them stuck all over her hands so naturally, we had to play at the sink in the water for awhile to get them off.  She made a rice krispie lollipop by coating a wooden spoon.  She ate her "lollipop" while sitting on the living room floor watching, you guessed it, "Alice in Wonderland".  As soon as she was finished her "lollipop" it was back to the couch with a blanket and pillow and her head on my lap where she promptly fell asleep.  An ending to a great day. Of course there's always that part where Jon and Corey come in and take her home.  Poop!


I sure could use one of your hugs.  Made any "connections" there yet where you could send me one?

Sierra, Jamo, Josh, Trey, Dylan

, 

Hunter & Josie

We're going to celebrate our family Thanksgiving next Saturday when all the kids are home. Thanksgiving afternoon Jon, Corey and Josie are coming over for dinner.  We'll have our traditional Thanksgiving meal.  Here's the menu:

Appetizers

Salmon Spread & Crackers

            Veggie Tray

     Dinner

Roast Turkey

Sausage/Cornbread Dressing

Cranberry/Walnut Jello Salad

Green Bean Casserole

Roasted Asparagus (if I can find asparagus)

Mashed Potatoes

Biscuits

Deviled Eggs

Dessert

Blueberry Pie

Cream Cheese/Walnut Shortbread Cookies

Christmas Dinner 2010

Your mouth is watering? What was it, the Salmon Spread?  Another of grandma's recipes.  Do you see a theme running through my recipes? Hey, I know a good thing when I see it.  Guess you'll have to deal with it. Wish you could tell me about Thanksgiving in heaven. I know it's rejoicing and being thankful continuously.  Just wish I could enjoy it one more time with you.  Of course, I'll be thinking and saying that the rest of my life so I wouldn't worry about it if I were you.  We'll miss Rita and Morris this year too.  Our last three years of holidays were especially fun because we really didn't know how many people we were going to have or who it was going to be. If we'd have had one more year we'd have had to set tables up in the bedrooms and down the hall (boy, that would have been a tight squeeze!).  But it would have been so much fun. It's not that I'm not grateful for what I have and for where I am.  I am so truly blessed and thankful.  It's just that I thought the holidays wouldn't be as hard as they are evidently turning out to be.  I love our family, where ever they may be and  I love my friends where ever they may be. Without all of their love and support I cannot imagine where my life would be.  But son, some days, Choosing Joy...how did you do it? Sorry, I didn't mean to cry today.  I guess it's just one of those days. Boy, do I ever need to get out of this funk!  I can't even see the page right now.  I hope it was "funk" I just typed.  Guess dad will be reading this closely before I publish today.

Oh, you'll be very pleased to know that I finally did finish the shadow box with great-grandpa's harmonica.  I could never decided on what picture of him to use. Then one night when I couldn't sleep I was thinking through all of the pictures I have and it dawned on me.  The perfect picture was on jacket of Aunt Lena's book "Buck".  It worked perfectly.  I have it hanging on our living room wall. Show you?  If you want to see it, you come here!  Just kidding.  I'll take a picture and include it on my blog. I know you, you think you can get me all teary-eyed and sentimental and you can sneak something in on me.  Not a chance

It's a beautiful, sunny day today!  63 degrees.  As Jamison and I took our daily stroll this morning.( I call it a stroll because we cover a lot of area but the pace isn't very fast). I let him control where we go and how long we spend in one spot.  He loves the wind and he couldn't go without his sniffing, finding and following the trail of the nearest chipmunk.  The walking has also really helped with the water on my knee since I fell a couple of months ago. 

Son

Jamison misses you too.

Son, these weekly conversations with you are so wonderful.  I look forward to them every week.  They make Sunday's very special. I hope too that my conversations with you may reach another mom somewhere.  I would hope for every mother that she be able to have or form a relationship with her son like we have. The Lord gave us a very special gift and I'm so happy that we knew it all along and didn't have to wait for the Lord to call one of us home before we realized what we had. We loved spending time together, laughing together, strolling through stores together.  We just enjoyed our time together.  I'm thankful you allowed me to be a mom and share my views with you. Oh I know you were thinking in the back of your head, "Good grief, my mother is off her rocker". Not only do mothers have eyes in the back of their heads, but we can read minds too.  To be honest with you, there were times I thought you were off your rocker too.  A tattoo?  I mean really, what child of mine would I let have a tattoo?  And now, I have one too and you went with me to get it. Guess it runs in the genes.  (Shh! Don't tell grandma I said that!)

Well, I say so long for now.  I've rambled on enough.  Next weekend, Christmas and Hanukkah preparations begin.  Wish  you were here, but understand you have more important things to do. I truly am joyful that dad and I had the privilege to raise you to honor the Lord and  have the knowledge that you are where you are needed the most;  although I will never understand.

Until next week, love mom

Love Is What It's All About

Well, here we  are again!  It's Sunday again already son.  Where do these weeks go? Since the day I retired time has been flying by.  It seems as though I just put my feet over the bedside on Monday morning and the next thing I know it's Sunday morning again. The days and weeks are good. We are on the go in one way or another every minute of the day. If I don't start making notes during the week I know I will forget half of what I want to tell you.  I love Sunday's and these conversations with you. I spent some time this week looking through some of your blogs.  It's great to see someone send you a note on Facebook ever so often. As I've been organizing the studio I come across dozens of pictures of you and it makes me smile every time I see your face.  You brought so much joy to my life.  And you know of course that when I say "my" I mean dad too.  We two became one many years ago. It use to tickle me when you'd say "Now I'm going to tell you something, but you can't tell dad."  Was it that you really didn't understand that dad and I told each other everything, or, was that your way of telling dad something that you really wanted him to know and hear? I kinda think it was the later and I'll bet you're laughing your head off right now so stop it!

Your cousin Renee is here this weekend.  It has been great to see her and visit with her. We all went last night to the Cohoes Music Hall to see Sierra in the production of Les Miserables School Edition.  She was fabulous!  Sierra not only shares your acting ability but your great voice as well.  She sings beautifully, as you know.  This was a group of 32 high school people and three elementary children.  They did a beautiful job.  The theater is beautiful.  I wish you could be here to see it, you would have loved sharing the experience with her.  Of course as I sat there I remembered the last time I saw the production.  It was at Springfield High School and you were in the production. As always, you were amazing and had a great talent. My mind can't help to go to the question during times like these.  I can't help ask the question, "Why God?".  Yes, I know He doesn't owe me any explanation, and I know I'm not going to get an answer. But why on earth would He give you all the amazing talent  He gave you in drama, improv, music, writing and speaking and then take it all away. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.  Stop questioning mom!  We humans, as you know, always have the questions, even when we already know the answer.  That's part of our makeup.  Dad and I always let you question and ask why...respectfully of course.  Or at least that was our intention and I hope we did. We believe it allowed you to have an opinion and the ability to think and reason yourself.  Sometimes you and dad had quite the "reasoning" sessions as I recall.  I guess what I'm saying is, I love you and I miss you.  But you already know that.  You're in heaven for crying out loud!

Friday, we had a "girls" lunch, minus Josie who decided that would be boring and she wanted to stay and play with uncle. We went to the Cheesecake Factory in Colonie Center.  Oh my! We had a 45 minute wait but it was worth every bite!  I had

SkinnyLicious™ Turkey & Bacon; Avocado Sandwich

Freshly Roasted Turkey Breast, Smoked Bacon, Avocado, Tomato and Mayonnaise on a Toasted Bun. Served with a Green Salad

and

Pumpkin Pecan Cheesecake

World Famous! Available From October through the Holidays.

We each ate more calories in our dessert than we normally consume in a day!

And we have a winner!

BUT, any-hoo, during our 45 minute wait I got acquainted with the Christmas Store   Oh son!  You cannot imagine this store in your wildest dreams.  Well, maybe YOU can. Do you still dream in heaven? Sorry, sidetrack for a minute. I mean this is like being in the world of all world stores for Christmas!  They did manage to incorporate one half isle to Hanukkah which Corey was very much able to get into. I can't wait to go back.

I want to make sure to get your dad there too.  It will have to be early in a day during the week and it's going to have to be soon.  You know dad and crowds.  It will be a big enough challenge to get him to a mall, let alone a Christmas store this time of year.  I want to take him when we can just take our time and look.  I don't want him crowded where he feels uncomfortable. We can just hold hands and stroll and ooh and ah. Won't that be fun?  Wish you were here. It was a wonderful time to laugh so hard we cried over the most innocuous things; Sierra, Renee, Corey &me.   Thank you son.

Last week dad helped me finish the studio project.  At least the part he could.  I still have some "clean up" to finish. My work area is piled high but I'll get that finished in the next couple of days.  It took us all week to get things put back in order, the house dusted and the floors done.  It's a good thing that all of this was happening during Halloween cause there were enough cob webs it just looked natural!  I promised dad no more projects until after the holidays.  I hope he doesn't remember that Christmas is a project in and of itself.  I have worked it out though so that we can bring all the Christmas bins upstairs and leave them until after the holidays when we put things away.  I didn't want to have to make a dozen trips up and down the basement stairs with all those bins.  He was happy to hear that.  As always, it's November and dad is wanting to begin the decorating.  As always, he says, "I'm not putting up any lights or decorations outside this year!"  How many years have we heard him say that and how many years has he ended up decorating outside?  Right, every year.  I'm sure this year isn't going to be any different.

Even the lions don't mess with Josie!

So, let me update you a little.  Last weekend Jon and Corey took Josie and went to NYC for the weekend. All the other kids were occupied elsewhere and it was a good get away weekend. We would just as soon have kept Josie but they love taking her and spending time with her.  She is quite the fun magnet.  Anyway, at one point during their trip Josie decided she was going to change her outfit as they were getting ready to leave the hotel for an outing.  Now in case you don't remember, Josie can go through more outfits in a day than Target has on their shelves!  She is the outfit queen! The first thing she does when she gets home each day is to change into one of her "dress up" outfits; princess, Wonder Woman, you get the idea.  Well anyway, they waited while she changed.  As she got to the door she decided the outfit wasn't quite right so wanted to change again.  And then again she wanted to change her pants because as everyone knows, Josie does not like to wear pants!  Finally Jon told her this was the last change.  Pick an outfit and that was it.  Well, since she knew this was the last change she couldn't make up her mind. Jon finally made the decision for her and that's when it began.  Oh my, the wailing and gnashing of teeth.  Now as you know, Josie is very much an a-typical three and a half year old.  She is well behaved, they can take her anywhere, and do.  If she starts whining you simply say, "please say it without whining" and she corrects herself.  She has a super soft heart and if she things she's hurt someone's feelings it bring her to tears.  Very seldom do you see Josie, or any of the kids for that matter, "throw a fit" so to speak.  But my oh my, was this day different.  So much so that it took Jon and Corey completely by surprise and they just stood there watching her in amazement looking at each other. Wish I could have been there.  Not to see Josie. To see the two of them dumb-founded!  You've seen parents walking along the street or in a store with the kid crying and throwing a fit and the parents walking along holding their hand, talking and acting like nothing else was going on.  Well, this was Jon and Corey walking along the streets of NY talking and enjoying the sights with a screaming Josie yelling, "I don't wear pants!  I hate pants! I wear dresses and leggings! I don't wear pants!".  She wore pants that day!

The following week was parent-teacher conference for Josie.  As Corey entered the school she saw Josie's teacher laughing and talking with another teacher down the hall.  As she approached she heard Josie's name mentioned. When the teachers saw Corey their laughing increased. Being the curious mother that Corey is....and the "mother bear" that she is I'm sure the hair on the back of her neck was beginning to rise. She soon was beyond herself with laughter. Evidently the day before, the day following her "you will wear these pants today" day, Josie had come to school, undid her coat, put it in her cubby and there she stood in only her tights and a t-shirt.  When the teacher asked her where her pants were she replied, completely straight faced, "I don't wear pants!".  Now you can think whatever you want, but I think this was an "I gotcha Mom and Dad!".  The teacher explained to her that she needed to have more on than just tights and a t-shirt at school.  She had a pair of pants in her cubby for emergencies but this wasn't an emergency to Josie so she ended up wearing a tutu all day until time to go home when she removed the tutu, put on her coat and headed home and to her dress-up closet.

Chicken Update:  The roosters, which were shipped as chickens, are crowing! Number one, it's pretty scary that someone doesn't know the difference between a rooster and a chicken.  How exactly would you know the difference between a chicken and a rooster when they're only a month old?  Don't answer that.  It's bad enough that Corey knows how chickens mate and describes it! Secondly...poor neighbors!  Sometimes being.9 miles away from the chickens has it's own rewards! They haven't started laying eggs yet but if they don't pretty soon.....It might be most cost effective to "stew them up" than to continue to feed and house them.  Not only is their water going to have to be heated, someone is going to have to tromp through snow to gather eggs, make sure they have plenty of heated water, clean out the coop, make sure they have plenty of clean shavings and plenty of light.  Someone is going to have a very busy winter for those eggs that are hopefully going to show up before they've eaten their weight in gold.

You and Dad (my favorite picture)

Dad is going to make his (and yours, although it was his recipe...lol) award winning chili today...if I ever get the beans cooked.  They won't take long though 'cause I soaked them all night.  He wants to get it ready for dinner Tuesday night for the kids.  It always tastes better after a couple of days.  It gives the spices a chance to really be absorbed into the beans and ground beef.  I'll make some cornbread and dinner is a go. Wednesday nights we've started a new tradition.  It's one of the late nights for everyone and a very busy day.  Dad and I pick Josh up at Hebrew School and go back to the house.  I get the biscuits in the oven, Corey gets home and starts the bacon and poached eggs and we all have breakfast for dinner.  Throw in a cup of Corey's famous hot Chai tea and it's a perfect evening.  Thank you son.

I know there is so much more I want to tell you. Things that happened this last week that I have evidently lost track of.  Like I said earlier, I'd better start keeping notes or you're going to miss all the fun. I miss you son.  I know God has a greater purpose but I still miss you. You never understood how proud dad and I were of you.  Maybe you can see that now.  All you ever had to be was Aaron.


Love, mom