The Responsibility of Friendship

Good morning son. It's a picture perfect morning as I look out my living room window.  The sun is shining, it's quiet and not a lot of activity.  However, I've not been outside yet. I'm looking at just what I can see out of my window. I'm not experiencing the wind, cold, sounds, people moving about, cars rushing past, dogs barking and people talking. Life is pretty much like that to. We can sit in our comfortable, safe spot in the world, or, we can open the door, step out and experience life and people.

I've been thinking a lot about my friends I've had and have in my life. Some are still there, in my life, and some are not. I have some great friends. Many friends. As I've been reflecting back over my life and look at my friendship it's been wonderful to remember. Sometimes there's just this special "click". I meet someone and I say to myself, that's someone I'd like to have in my life as a forever friend. Sometimes it's a friendship that builds over the years. It's slow and steady and a special bond forms. Sometimes it's been "wow" what a great friend that person is and I didn't even realize it. There are those people in my life who although I rarely see them or talk with them that bond of friendship will always be there. For me anyway.These people have laughed with me, cried with me, celebrated with me, sat with me, grieved with me and have been an integral part of my life. What is it that makes these relationships so rich? I don't know. I don't have to know. I have so many great friends and I love them all for the richness they add to my life.And with each one that's a richness only they themselves can bring. 

I use to be so much better about keeping in touch. I'm lousy at it now. It's not that I don't love them just as much as I always have or miss them any less. What is it? It's me. I'm just getting plain lazy and careless about my friendships. I have a friend that said to me years, and years ago when we were talking about friendship. She said, "Jan, you have many friends just as I do. There came a point in my life when I had to take a hard look at my friendships.  I had so many and yet I came to realize that many of my friends were friends if I did all the work.I call those 'high maintenance friendships'." If I called and asked if they wanted to do something. If I called and asked them to dinner. If I called and invited them to go shopping. If I called and asked them to go to the show...if I called. It then dawned on me, if I did all the work to maintain the friendship then there were right there. If left it up to them, I neither saw nor heard from them. I decided no true friendship could work like that." She was right. 

Friendship is a two way street.  It takes someone working on each side of the street, working toward the middle for a true friendship to last. It dawned on me this morning. I've become that high maintenance friend we talked about that day! I don't know when it happened and I'm not going to spend a lot of time trying to establish a timeline. For me, that would be an additional waste of time. But now that I know it, what am I going to do about it? I see myself writing a lot of handwritten notes to each of them. A combination of thank you and I'm sorry notes. My friends deserve the special attention to detail. My first will be to the
friend who gave me that worthy piece of advice. 

I could use all the excuses in the world for not staying in contact; the job took us to a new city, work is expanding, someone is sick, Aaron died. (Sorry, did that take you by surprise? You do know you died and are in heaven, right? Okay, just checking.) But the truth is, there really is no excuse. My friends deserve better from me.

 I've been thinking a lot about John and Nina lately. When we moved down to Anaheim they were the first people we met. We almost lived at their house. We did everything with them. Those were some of the best times in our life. When they heard you had died they called. Nina was crying so hard we couldn't have a conversation and she had to hang up.  It's

To Sandy & Rita..

been years since we've seen them. I let life get in the way. I miss her and I need to tell her so. I will.


I've lost almost total contact with everyone I grew up with. I've lost almost total contact with everyone I went to church with as I was growing up. No, I don't expect to keep in contact with them all. But so many friends have passed through my life and every one of them enriched my life in some way. Sometimes Facebook, email and telephone conversations just don't cut it. For me anyhow. 


David and Shirley were a big part of our lives when we lived in Castroville when you were just two. David passed away many years ago and we didn't even know it. How sad is that. The kids are all grown now, Shirley had a brain tumor and surgery and I didn't even know it until several years ago. I did talk with her about five years ago. What a "sad" friend I have been to her.


All the friends I have in Springfield. How will I ever tell them all how much they mean to me if I don't say it or do it. Do WHAT you ask? How should I know. Why do you think I'm talking with you? You did such an amazing job of staying in contact with your friends.  Your family was more difficult for you I know. Probably because they all lived in the same area and you lived in different places. But that didn't mean you didn't love your family near and far, it was just more difficult for you to relate to them because you didn't see them as often as you did your friends. You had an amazing way of being honest with your friends always. You were a great friend son and some of the things I've learned about friendship I learned from watching you. Thank you.

In answer to my earlier question, I need to practice being a better friend by making a better effort. I need to make the call, I need to send more cards, I need to try and visit more, I need to make it a priority. 


Thanks for the talk today son. Just by talking it through has helped me understand and remember that I have a bigger part in these friendships. I need to make a better effort at being a friend. My life is no busier than anyone else and the things I must do are no more important than what they have to do. Lucky for me, I have friends that have hung in there with me no matter the friend I've been. So to all of my friends, old and new,

Son,I've enjoyed our morning chat. You've reminded me how important my friendships are and that I need to do my part to keeping those friendships healthy, whether the friendship be old or new. Between today's chat and my time with dad yesterday talking about our plans and dreams for the life we now have here, I have a new vision of what this new year will be.  Have a great Sunday,I  know you are.


As always, love mom