Remembering

God's Plan

July 1998

by: Jan Jamison

The room stands empty now

It's walls are void and bare

But the silence speaks so loudly

Of the son no longer there.

The floor and bed are littered

With the items left behind

The things you have decided

Could be sent another time

The dresser strewn with objects

Thought so important way back then

But you're off to another adventure

With the holiest maker of men.

This isn't the first departure

Your first one years ago

And it won't be the last one

As God teaches you to grow

The partings are never easy

Doesn't matter how old you get

It hurts the same each time we say

"We're mom and Dad don't forget"!

The Lord has promised many things

We've taught you that as well

You know the Lord

Know right from wrong

You're off! God's story you will tell.

We've wondered often through the years

Just what God has in mind

We walked through trials and troubles

We've bailed, we've whaled, we've whined.

We've cuddled and we've nurtured

We've encouraged and disciplined

And all the while we wondered

"What God would do with him".

God promised..."train a child"

He will return to this

We've tried to leave it up to God

As we borrowed, begged and fixed.

We've finally come to realize

Not in our time--but His

We see God's plan is working

No matter where you live.

It isn't easy to see you go

It really never will be

The leaving of the son

Once bounced upon your knee.

You'r journey might be a long one

A hard one--but always joyous

Because we know you're on the path

Of God's chosen, singing chorus.

The many year have been worth

The time, the joy, the tears

They've brought us 'round to this

The stilling of our fears.

You're off on God's great adventure

You'll make it sure this time

You're in God plan

You are God's man

And all that God defined.

 This coming Friday, February 24th would have been your 39th birthday. Just recently I came across this poem I had written while we were living in Oakdale CA. At one point you decided you wanted to go back to Oregon. I can still feel the knot in my stomach at the thought of you leaving.  It was always so comfortable to have you close and know that you were safe.  It was a very good thing that I didn't know what the future held.  What amazed me about this poem was my inclusion of the joy.  Who would have know that joy would play such an amazing part in your life story.

We had a very simple definition of joy in our home and you lived your life by it.  JOY = Jesus, Others, You. You practiced this throughout your entire life. You were a great example. Whether intended or not, this is the way you lived your life; sometimes to your own detriment. You had a loving and kind heart. Your intent was always for the betterment of others.  You never missed an opportunity to tell someone about your walk with the Lord and to encourage them. Dad and I were always so proud of you.  Even in death, your first thought was for others.  I know that some of the things you put yourself through during the years of struggling with cancer, all of your decisions were based on making lives of the people you were leaving, easier and without complication.

There may have been many things you didn't hear from your dad and I (although I can't imagine what those might be), but one of them was not, "we're proud of you".  In fact, at one point you had heard it so much you ask dad not to tell you any more. Neither of us could have ever done that because we were so very proud of you. Did you make mistakes.  Heck ya!  Did we make mistakes, undeniably! But you were not one of them. You were an unimaginable miracle in our lives. 

The years we spent with you can never be duplicated. For more reasons than are self-evident! I use to laughingly tell you, "you can be replaced you know". You look at me and say, "Mom, take a good look. Would you really want to try that now?".  I can honestly say, you were the pride and JOY of my life and there isn't one single thing I would have changed about you.  To change one thing could have changed everything. You were an amazing son. I thank God for allowing me to share in your life for an amazing 38 years. It be wrong of me to ask the Lord for more.  For whatever task God required you I am happy to have spent 38 HOURS WRACKED IN HARD LABOR to be able to spend 38 years with you.  Happy Birthday son!

As always, love, mom

PS to readers. Aaron and I had a standing joke about my hours of labor. He said every birthday my hours of labor increased with his age. Today, I get the last word and he's having a good laugh.)