God Is Faithful

And they never ended!

Here I am Lord, calling out your name. My heart is breaking. My husband, your child, lies here beside my chair waiting for your call home. I know that what awaits him is a wonderful and glorious thing. But, that doesn't mean I want him to go. It was just one month ago to the day we heard the words, terminal. How could things progress this quickly? I never in my wildest thoughts even considered that it would only be these few days. Although I know it's a better place for him it's hard. I just want him to sit up and say  "Hey there, I'm rested, let's get up and go.". But he isn't going to do that is he Lord?

He isn't going to hold me when I cry this time either like he has done so many times before. He's not going to hold my hand anymore and say, very carefully, to me, "Now Jannie, do you really think this is a good idea?". He's not going to get that gleam in his eye when he's been mischievous? He had that gleam more often than not. He's not going to be with me for new adventures. He's not going to hug me again when I cry because I miss our son. He's not going to see another Christmas and share the joy of the holiday season. He's not going to preach again or win another soul for you. He's not going to enjoy this Autumn with me, walking along, talking, sharing and picking up pine cones. He's not going to get to do any of those things again. I am going to miss him and all those wonderful things we have shared these past 44 years. My life is better for him having been a partner in it.

But, he is going to enter the pearly gates and meet you face to face. He will be able to hear you say, "Well done my good and faithful servant." He will walk the streets of gold and see the smiling face of our beloved son who went on before him. What joy that will bring to each of them. I know that you are faithful Lord. I know you will bring him safely home to you. I know that his pain and suffering are coming to an end. I ask now that you give me the grace and courage to let him take the journey; to release him to you for your glory. 

I will be sad, lonely, scared, hurt, angry, mystified, broken and unconsoledable, but, joy comes in the morning. The joy, eventually, of knowing that one day, he will meet me at the gates of heaven, arms out streached ready to enfold me in that strong, loving and comforting embrace that I will have missed. And once again, we will be together and home.