Chance? I Think Not!

 Just like many of you, we continue to have some very difficult decisions to make. They're not going to be easy, but I know that just as the Lord has directed so far He will be clear with what is to come; as we need the answers. Please continue to pray that God will continue to give us the wisdom to make the right choices. 

There have been and continue to be so very many miracles in this journey. Many times, over what to most people think of as very simple things    sometimes struggle.  Maybe we all do that everyday and it just seems more visible to me right now. I think I'm rambling right now and am not really being clear.  I believe all is as it should be.  I believe that Ray and I have done all that we can do .....this is getting depressing, excuse me as I switch courses.

Let's try this again. Life is great!  God is a God of miracles and while we plan, He performs....daily miracles.  Let me see if I can share a few of these with you.

As you know, if you've been following my blog, Ray, Jamison and I had a miraculous trip across the United States. We traveled a total of 4,100 miles before we arrived in Troy.  We were 13 days on the road.  We arrived in this beautiful "mecca" named Troy NY without mishap or having shed blood!   I think there's something about this trip that many of you may not know.  I'd like to share that with you now.

My very favorite picture of our son!

In February 2009 when our son Aaron was diagnosed with terminal colon cancer he set off on yet another journey.  A journey to see that his parents would be well taken care of because he knew he wouldn't be here.  He knows that as we age we will need help during coming years.  This journey his dad and I have made is because Aaron started making plans 2 1/2 years ago and it has been a dream of his.  We're here in this beautiful home and city, surrounded by friends and family because our son loves us so much he's willing to give up precious time with us so that we will be settled in a home when God completes his journey. Aaron continues to battle colon cancer.  He is now in continual pain that never leaves. He continues to find joy every single day and when we Skype with him it's still difficult for me to believe that there is anything wrong.  He's always positive!  He only shares the difficult times if we really press (or if his mother catches a post about something on Facebook!).  He's always truthful when we ask but most of the time I think he would prefer we not ask.  Unfortunately, Ray and I are not able to do that. Every time I might question the decision to come to Troy now he reminds me of yet another miracle that confirms the decision.  The perfect house, yard, town, the miraculous trip across the United States.  The family we have here that we are finally going to get to know after 40 years, tons of kids, new opportunities for Santa.  I too know all of these things logically, but my mother's heart still questions how I could leave my dying child.  Would another mother do the same even though it's the "dying wish" of her child.  Aaron says it took great strength from me and that it's the right thing to do. I am also trying to remember that he is an adult man with a wife of his own.  When he married Kristin I relinquished his care to her, I know that logically.  But my mother's heart is broken.  

As I think of Mary watching Jesus die that horrible death on the cross, watch them pierce His side with a spear, give him vinegar to drink when he was so thirsty, pierce His head with a crown of thorns, drive nails into his hands and feet, watch him suffocate on the cross my heart breaks for her in a way I have never recognized before. I'm not trying to compare myself with Mary nor Aaron with Jesus.  I'm just beginning to recognize that even though she was the mother of our Savior she also had a mother's heart and the agony she went through, I don't know how she survived it except to know that God had a plan.

There are so many "little" things that happen each day to confirm we are where we are suppose to be and yet that little nagging in the back of my brain that continues to ask the question, "you're a mother, how could you leave your son who is dying?"  I don't know that I'll ever have the answer to that. I don't know if that little nagging question will ever go away. I see little things every day that confirm I am where I should be but I can't get that thought out of my head.  I don't know if it's because I'm unsure or if because I'm afraid that's what everyone else is thinking. I've never really been into what other people think.  I try to live my life the way I know the Lord would have me live it.  I try to be the best example of joy I can be every day.  I try to treat others better than how I would like to be treated.  I try to always be truthful.  I try to lead by example.  




I was looking for bookshelves on Craigslist (one of my very best friends) and I came across an old antique hutch with wood shelves rather than glass, doors without glass but metal cross mesh and on legs with storage beneath.  I fits in the space like a glove.  I mean, 1/8th of an inch more and it would not have fit.  We rented a utility trailer and drove the 20 miles to pick it up.  It was only $75.  I couldn't find two bookcases for that.  The hutch had all the original hardware.  I was thrilled.  The one thing I had forgotten was how heavy maple is!  It took four of us to get it in the trailer and it was Ray and I to unload it when we got home.  Inch by inch we moved it off the trailer, stood it up, put the sliders under the legs and slid it into the house.  Inch by inch we slid it into the living room and began to slide it into place.  I knew Ray was thinking, "that's not going to fit where she wants it so where is it going to end up?". But to his amazement, it slid with a perfect fit right into the slot I had for it.  (Corey grounded us for moving this one on our own!) I do have my daddy's eye when it comes to "eye-balling" if an item will fit.  When we stood the cabinet up Ray noticed that the pull for the cabinet doors was missing.  He found the door pull inside the cabinet but when he tried to reinstall it it was too loose and just spun around in place.  He decided he needed to find a "lock washer" to hold it in place.  Since the cabinet is so old he thought it might take some time.  We put the door pull in a drawer and decided we'd work on that the next time we went to Home Depot.  We stopped for lunch and as we headed into the kitchen he spotted something on the kitchen floor.  Now remember, we're still unpacking and there's quite a variety of things on our kitchen floor.  He bent over and picked it up and it was a lock washer, the perfect size, perfect color.  Now folks, what is the chance that a lock washer, the perfect size and color would be laying on the kitchen floor.  Chance?  I think not


Then there was the cabinet I found, again on Craigslist, for my craft supplies in the studio. It was the first piece I found.  It's old, matches the wood floor perfectly and has a glass knob that matches the antique glass door knobs perfectly.  Not only that, but a friends son-in-law was working in the area and stopped by and picked it up and delivered it to us so we didn't have to make the trip.  Chance? I think not?


Us being here in Troy, now?  Chance, I think not!