Color Does Matter

Our lilacs are blooming

Good morning Son! And how are you this morning? The sun is out bright and beautiful. It's also pretty windy but we're tough, we can handle it. It's been another very full week. I'm tired so my mind isn't really in gear yet. I know that it's very dangerous to talk with you and my mind foggy. Very dangerous indeed! So, question of the day, "Are there flowers in heaven?".





Before I get started in telling you what's going on, I want say,

the card's in the mail and the phone call is on the way!  I love you!

Yup, it's true. We set the alarm off at Jon & Corey's

Dad and I alternated with Diane in staying with the Sierra, Jamo, Josh and Josie this past week while Corey & Jon were gone. It's always an adventure. Trying to keep up with kids again isn't as easy as it use to be but we managed. We had one very interesting moment. As I said, it's been very windy the last week or it's also been very cold; down into the low 30's again. Dad took care of the chickens, Bisky and the hamster all for sever days which means leaving the back door ajar so Bisky can get in and out. Which also means, cold air in the house. By the time we got there on Sunday evening the house was like an icebox. We closed things up and decided to build a fire in the family room. Josie crumpled up the paper, I got the started log and matches and dad stacked it, along with the logs and lit the fire. Jose and I cuddled under a blanket on the couch to wait for Jamo and Sierra to get home. Josh was staying with his dad another night. Dad went out to check on the chickens and all of a sudden, we had a house full of smoke. Yikes, the damper was closed....and we didn't know where it was. I ran to close the door to the hall and library. Oops, not quick enough! The fire alarm screamed it's warning, "fire, fire, fire" with me yelling on the tail of it's warning, "it's only smoke, it's only smoke, it's only smoke", to no avail. Dad continues to furiously look for the damper, finds it and opens it as wide as possible. I'm running around opening outside doors, throwing windows open and praying we hear no sirens. Too late. As I stand in the family room with Josie and dad is trying to shut off the alarm it suddenly gets quiet. I look down at Josie and we both start to laugh. It's over! I congratulated dad on shutting off the alarm when he says, "I wasn't able to shut it off, I had to clip a wire." Me: "Are you kidding me?" Dad: "No. It's a simple fix and I can do it. I just don't want to do it right now because I don't know how to reset the alarm so I'm afraid without resetting it the alarm would continue to ring". With that, you'd think the excitement would end. Wrong. Dad heads out to check on Bisky and in the distance we hear the faint sound of a fire engine. I don't know about dad but I immediately thought, oh please, don't let it be coming here. The noise got fainter in the distance, or so I thought, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Too soon. I hear the engine roar to a stop in front of the house. By that time dad is back in the house. I look at dad and said, "You go!" The fire personnel were very understanding when dad told them what had happened. They checked to make sure we were okay and then headed off to do what they do best. Protect us. About that same time my phone rang. I looked to see who it was and said, "It's Jon." I answered the phone, Jon said, "Auntie Jan, are you at the house? Is everything okay?" I said, "Yes, we're here. We didn't know the damper was closed." He said, "OK, talk with you later." And he was gone. At that same moment Jamo and Sierra walked in the door. They missed all the fun. As you know, there's NEVER a dull moment here. If we're not in the middle of it, we're creating it.


On Tuesday morning this last week Josie invited us to Grandparent's Day at her school. Dad wasn't able to attend but Josie and I had a ball. We had a great talk while doing puzzles, we made a necklace and made a picture of a flower, we had mini-muffins, blueberry and apple cinnamon, animal crackers and apple juice while the kids sang, Take Me Out To the Ballgame and Five Little Ducks. It was a great morning and I really look forward to next year. Josie is always such a hoot. We have such a great time together. However, sleeping with her is quite the experience. For some reason she insists sleeping cross-wise in the bed! She spends most of the night with her feet in your back or side. No matter how many times you turn her around it's like she has a spring in her that turns her sideways again.

Monday morning it was raining and cold. Dad dropped Sierra at school. Jamo needed to take his guitar to school so we decided to take him rather than him riding the bus. We loaded Josie and Jamo in the car and headed to school. We stopped at Duncan Donuts (which isn't difficult since they're on every street corner). Jamo and Josie ordered breakfast and hot chocolate. Josie's hot chocolate was so hot I couldn't hold on to it so I took the lid off and sat it in the cup holder until it cooled. We dropped Jamo off and headed to Taylor School to drop Josie off. About half way there Josie asked for her hot chocolate. It had cooled off so I replaced the lid and turned around to hand it to her. You guessed it, the cup folded and sprayed hot chocolate from one end of the car to the other. Guess what we're doing this week?

Friday. Friday was a day of enlightenment for me. The firm attended an annual event at the YWCA, Stand Against Racism. This is the fourth year the Y has hosted this event. Bo Razak  led the conversation.  He began with telling us he had been raised in a home that went to church every Sunday and was taught that everyone was equal. I thought to myself, hey, I'm on the right track here. Then he told about singing the song at church, "The B-I-B-L-E".  Again, I thought to myself, hey this is good. I've been on the right track all along. Remember the words to that song? We sang it often when you were little. Just like I did when I was little. "Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight, Jesus loves the little children of the world." All good, right? 

Dad and I taught you race and color didn't matter. We were wrong. Although it's very right and very important that we realize God created everyone equal and He loves everyone equally, race and color DO matter. Race and color really do matter to those who are not white. Because people in our world continue to make it matter. Now I'm just a novice at this so the best I can do is explain it to you  the way I understand it and the thought that are now running through my head. It's opened up an entire line of questioning for me along the lines of, "what do I do that continues to enable race and color to matter"? It scares me when I think about the unintentional things I might be doing that I don't even realize because my entire life I've lived under the assumption that race and color don't matter. I've always been so proud of the fact that a high school of 1500+ students, as a sophomore in the Fall of 1964, when someone said to me, "we have two new "black" student on campus" I hadn't even noticed. Now, after Friday, my whole insides are in conflict. Should I have noticed? I don't know. Like I said, I'm working on it. I still don't think race and color should matter. I believe everyone is created equal and should be treated equally. But what became abundantly clear to me is that while it should be true, it isn't. Still in our world today, race and color matter. It takes the wind out of me to even think about it. It actually makes me tear up. It saddens and weighs on my heart. How could people, who have been created in the image of our Creator be so divided? How could any of us treat others so differently? So horribly? Why do we treat our fellow mankind so hideously? We know better. Even if we've never been taught anything our entire lives you can't tell me that when someone reaches out to hurt someone, or say a hateful thing, or tries to diminish another human being, for any reason, they don't have a "little voice" within them that says, "no, this is not right". Why don't we listen to that "little voice"?  Why do we continue to abuse, hate, and torment each other?

As I sit here this morning talking with you I think about all the friends I have now and have had in my lifetime. Ours was a very mixed school and neighborhood. Until last Friday I use to think I never never had a bias. But now as I'm beginning to really think back on those times, and I'm really honest with myself, the pride falls away. As I think back now, there was a bias, not with the friends I had, but with the unknown. How do I explain it when I don't really even understand it. I was afraid, when I started high school, of older Hispanic kids. Why? I think because all around me I heard white people have conversations of how Hispanics were coming into our town and taking over jobs, buying fancy cars, living off of welfare, living in run down shacks in large numbers, running in gangs and drawing graffiti on everything. It was always the Hispanics fault. But you know what? If I really am truthful, there were tons of issues with white kids as well. Their parents were just more astute, were wealthier, better known and better acquainted at hiding their deeds.  

For the most part "they" didn't want to assimilate into our culture, "they" wanted to bring their culture with them. Was that wrong? I don't know. I have no answers, just questions. The good thing is, now, I'm willing to ask myself those questions. I'm willing to admit that I've been part of the problem. Whether intentional or not, I've had bias. The question now, how am I going to change me.

Although our intent in teaching you was pure, our lesson to you was wrong. As my mom said to me once when we were talking about raising children, she said, "I did the best that I could with the light that I had at the time". I can honestly say that was true for dad and I as well. We wanted you to grow up and "not see" color. We wanted you to learn that you should love and treat everyone equally. That is still true. We should treat everyone equally. The truth is, as much as we want this to be true, I no longer think it is. Race and color do matter and we need to do all we can do to change it, beginning with ourselves.


Until next week, be Aaron, I love you. mom