Choosing Joy - Despite it All

Time flies and retirement makes it fly even faster.  Since having retired in February I still can't figure out how I got everything done and worked a full time job too.  Ray and I are busy from the time our feet hit the floor in the morning until 10 or 11pm every night.  How did the two of us work and get everything done?  I bet I'm not alone out there either!

This week, as most of you know, we're visiting our son Aaron and daughter-in-law Kristin.  We're having a great visit and the time is going to be too short but we've worked a lot in.  The past couple of days have been Relay for Life. Kristin and Aaron did an amazing joy.  Thanks to all of you who participated whether it was on their team "Choose Joy" or another team, whether it was through a donation of time or item or whether it was through prayer as the volunteers walked.  It all mattered and it all helped.  One of the speakers said prior to the Survivor Lap Friday night. "I want my kids to learn about cancer in their history class." That really struck a chord with me.  What a great thing it would be if the words "you have cancer" were not the dreaded words they are today. Ray and I have committed to participate in Relay for Life no matter where we are, as long as we are able.

We were able to put up three luminaries this year.  One in memory of our sister-in-law, Corey's mom,  Kaleel Jamison who succumbed to breast cancer in 1985.  One for my sister, Diane Atkins, who is currently in remission with multiple myeloma and one for our son, Aaron who continues in his third year battle with colon cancer.

We will watch the final episode of Harry Potter tonight and are planning to go the matinee of the new movie on Tuesday.  Can't wait to see it on the big screen.  We have really been enjoying watching the series together with the anticipation of the seeing the new movie.  Popcorn here we come!

I've had a chance to check in with a few people while I've been here and some of us are going to lunch at Terese's Place today, Monday.  I'll be there between 11:30 am and 2:00pm if you'd like to drop by and say hello.  I wish I could have spent hours with everyone but this trip has been about spending time with Aaron and I'm so thankful everyone understands that.


We're headed back to Troy on Wednesday.  Kristin's mom and dad are taking us up to the airport.  Hopefully this trip all flights will be on time.  Changing planes in Las Vegas is no easy feat since you have to change terminals. But God is good and so far we've made it just fine.

I just checked on Jamison and Katryn said they're, he and Sam, are doing great.  It's pretty hot in Troy so she says they're laying pretty low.  From the picture she sent I'd say she's right. 


I guess you could call this a rambling blog today. As the time with our son draws for a close this trip I am filled with apprehension but Choosing Joy non-the-less.   Aaron believes this will be the last time we see each other.  As a mother, I don't want to believe that. As a mother I say, "Screw you cancer.  You cannot have my son!"  But the reality is, as I've said many times before, his life is not in my hands.  He's in God's hands. He's not my little boy any more, even thought I tell him he is, he's his own man and a man of God.  He's in God's hands and only God knows what is next to come. I am so scared. I'll just be honest with you. I want God to do what is best for Aaron right now, as long as it's in MY plan.  Selfish, you bet!  Aaron is in constant pain. I don't know how he functions. I don't know how he keeps going.  I look at him and say, "God, is this a joke?", he looks fine on the outside.  Are you just testing me?  Are you just testing to see if I really meant what I said when he was two and I committed his life to you?  If I willingly surrender will this all go away?  Am I a horrible mom for wanting to hang on to him when he's in such pain?  Is this the last time I'll ever see him?  Why are you taking him?  Why would you give him all the talent for singing, writing, improv, drama, comedian, artist and so much more and then just take it all away?


I don't know why!  I do know God is sufficient.  I do know I'll probably always have these questions.  I do know I feel perfect peace even through the anger.  I do know God is the answer. I do know Aaron knows and loves the Lord and is absolutely certain where he will be spending eternity. I do know that he's a special man of God and God has a plan.  I will take comfort in all that God is and has provided.  I will enjoy every minute I spend with him whether it be on skype, in person, on the phone or texting.  I enjoy the joy he brings to my heart, always have and always will.  I don't know if this is the last personal visit I will have with my son.  I do know we're having a great visit and I'm not going to waste time with the what-ifs but enjoy the here and now!