Joy Comes In The Morning!

As I sit here this morning, again in front of this blank page, I am wondering how best to express what Ray and I are feeling and experiencing right now.  So many of you have asked.  First let me say, please do not hesitate to call, write, email, text, whatever method you prefer.  For the most part, our tears have been shed and we're thankful Aaron is pain free.

Sunday, our daughter-n-law Kristin gave us an amazing gift.  As she was working through her own grief and pain, she had the forethought to call our family here in Troy, Corey and Jon, so that we'd have someone with us when we received the news of Aaron's passing.  What a great gift that was.  Thank you Kristin.

To Jon, Corey, Sierra, Hunter, Trey, Dylan, Josie, Jamison & Josh: You are amazing and we cannot picture our lives without you. You are the best blood pressure medicine ever created!

To all of our friends and family.  We love you dearly!


To our Brother Bill and sister-in-law Nancy: Thank you so much for your love and support.  Nothing works like an actual hug.

One of Aaron's hand-drawn cards to us.

I realized not soon after hearing of Aaron's transition,  and through my multitude of tears, that God had done something very special for me...at least I say it was for me!  God took Aaron home on Sunday morning.  Now that may not have any significance for you, but for me the significance is great.  Sunday has always been Aaron's favorite day of the week.  It was a time of reflection for him.  He loved the quiet time before church, he loved being with a church family and reflecting on the love and joy he was able to experience with the Lord at that special time.  He loved being with church family.  He loved singing praises and worshiping.  He loved family dinners after Sunday morning church and relaxing on Sundays.  He loved Sunday afternoon naps.  He just loved and enjoyed Sundays.  He always had. What a wondrous gift to be able to look forward to every Sunday morning and know that Aaron is rejoicing in heaven with the heavenly chorus, singing and praising the Lord with his family there.  Sunday's are going to continue to be very special days around here.  Sunday's will be a weekly reminder that our son is pain free and is doing what he loved best.  Thank you Lord for that special gift.

Yesterday Ray and I found ourselves dealing with tons of guilt.  We finally narrowed it down to the fact that we were feeling guilty because we felt like a heavy weight had been lifted.  We had to work through the guilt feelings.  We finally realized that we were not feeling relieved that "it was all over", but because we had been carrying an unrecognized heaviness.  A heaviness because as parents we could do absolutely nothing for our son.  It's a horrible thing to be a parent, or anyone, as you watch someone you love suffer and not have a solution. We felt terrible that we couldn't be there with him while he was in the hospital.  Then I realized that if he had awakened just enough to realize we were there he would have been horrified.  We would have "broken" the miracle he had worked so hard on for the last 3 1/2 years.  The guilt hasn't gone away and it will probably take some time, but we now see it for what it is.  We can't and won't be selfish with the gift Aaron left for us. He would expect us to Choose Joy over everything else, enjoy life and spread the message.

One of Aaron's paintings

Aaron's message of Choose Joy came from a message he heard his father preach while he was pastoring a church in Dallas OR.  Ray had prepared a series of messages on joy.  One Sunday Aaron brought a couple of friends and came up to visit.  His father was preaching on Choosing Joy and that it was an opportunity each of us had in every given circumstance.  

Happiness is something that is an affect you get when something good happens.  You're happy, you do your happy dance and you feel good. Choosing Joy is a decision you make no matter what happens.  Aaron has told his dad since, that although he had heard this all before, it really clicked for him that day.  He said I realized it was an action I had to take and a choice I could choose. You can make a choice to choose joy no matter what,  or you can wallow in your sadness or life. Sitting in chemo that first time, looking around at all the sad faces, Aaron saw a perfect opportunity to show those around him what Choosing Joy was all about, and he ran with it.  I don't think Ray and I will ever know the true impact he had.  But I will selfishly tell you this, we love hearing from everyone and hearing all of your stories.  We're parents first of course, we take great pride in our son and we love the stories and comments.  We loved him unconditionally and hope you will allow us these few "prideful" days as we read your comments about the son we loved so much.

Many of you have asked if there is anything you can do for us and we so very much appreciate all of you.  Friends and family are a wonderful gift.  They should be cherished and loved.  The best gift that could be given to us is to continue with what Aaron began.  Choose Joy! He wanted everyone to get the message.  He gave us a great start but there is still tons of work to do.  But you know what, it's a very simple task.  No really, it's very easy.  You don't even have to say anything if you don't want to.  Write the words on a piece of paper and put it up in your office or cubby.  Add it to your Facebook, your blog.  Add it to your message on your phone.  Use a smiley face and write the words Choose Joy and hang it from your rear view mirror in your car.  Make a conscious decision every single day to choose joy.  Did I say it was going to be easy?  I don't remember saying that.  Are most of the great things you experience in life easy?  Nice try, but no they're not.  Most of the things that eventually bring you joy are painful.  But, if you don't experience some pain, how do you know what joy is going to feel like?  Take a chance if you haven't already.  Take a chance on Choosing Joy.

Choosing joy can be a real gift to give to your family and friends.  Do you think this is easy for Ray and I right now?  Of course not! I spoke with this grandmother this morning.  She's 83.  Do you think it's easy for her right now?  She just lost her eldest and first grandson at age 38. Of course it's not. Do you think it's easy for Kristin and her parents?  Of course not!  But if you're able to follow their comments on Facebook you'll notice that although there is sorrow for a time at loosing Aaron there is a choice of Choosing Joy that he is pain free. We all have a peace knowing that Aaron is no longer in pain.  

It's one thing to hear about someones pain.  It's something altogether different to see it and experience it.  Aaron did his best to never let on when he was in pain.  He hated us asking if the pain medication was working.  He hated it if we wanted to talk about the cancer, treatment or pain. He would give us the information we needed and then he was through talking about it.  He wanted to hear about good things, happy things and joyful things.  He wanted to dwell on the joy, not the sorrow.

Ray and I believe in this joy. We would like nothing better than to share it with everyone of you. We believe the best way to do that is by example. Choosing joy is a choice that we get to make.  No one can take that from us or keep us from doing it.  It's a freedom we have.  Circumstances may call for disease, pain, sorrow, misfortune in your life.  But, you can choose the reaction to all of life's circumstances.  Like I said, "is it easy"?  Of course not! If it was easy, anyone could do it!  Be that special someone that passes the gift to Choose Joy to all those you meet.

If you don't understand "Choosing Joy".  If you need some one to talk to about this very special freedom you have to Choose Joy, please feel free to contact Ray and I at choosejoy.jamison@gmail.com or share a comment here on my blog.

 

 "Joy Comes In The Morning"  it certainly did for Aaron!